The Memoirs

After their trip to the kitchen, Lex was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

He would have loved to have been doing other things--like nibbling at the beautiful man lying next to him--but he was simply... exhausted. And pleasantly so, as he counted the rocks in the ceiling tiles. Clark was his again, and he was Clark's. Clark's body was warm next to him, soft and hard at the same time, a welcome source of warmth in the cold drafty room, and he rolled over onto his stomach. He put his arm over Clark's chest, resting his chin on Clark's shoulder. "You killed me."

And he was dozing. Just dozing, sleepily watching things while half conscious. He snuffled, clearing his throat very quietly as Lex rolled over him, snuggling in close. Clark focused... smiling sleepily, and gaze a sassy little lazy wink. "Mmmmrah. Still young. You're old." Snicker, as he pretended to dodge a smack... even if he was lethargic and lovely.

He'd eaten a pound cake, a dozen eggs Lex had made for him in a lovely omelet, and a liter of soda. He was still a little hungry, but not so much so that it bothered him. Of course, than Lex had to bring him upstairs and work off the excess energy, and oh, he enjoyed it. "Love when you take me like that." He confessed softly, closing his eyes again.

Lex murmured his laughter into Clark's throat. "I love taking you like that," he confessed. "Feels... feels like coming home, every time I'm inside you." the soft murmurs turned into soft kisses, and he brought his hand to twine fingers through Clark's. "Feels like where I belong."

"I think you killed me." He mumbled, squirming his backside in the sheets just a little. He was hot, sweaty, just cooling off and he still burned on the inside. Lex's orgasm, no matter how delicious it felt inside, had slowly dribbled out down his thighs, and he didn't mind it too much as he rubbed his thigh into it. "Mmm. Mmm'sleepy." He mumbled, skimming his lips over Lex's head, nose and cheek.

"We killed each other." He rubbed his cheek against Clark's shoulder. "Sleepy. Sleep. Yeah. Sleep sounds like a really good option right about now." He nipped a collarbone. "Want to get in the tub and sleep in a huge bubble bath of hot water?"

"I don't feel like myself." Clark murmured, into Lex's temple. "Is that strange, Lex? I don't feel like me. I feel like a pretend me, who doesn't really know what he's doing here. Maybe its tired person psycho babble, but..." A little shrug, and he sighed as he rose. "I feel unme."

Lex propped his chin up at that. "Mmm... why do you feel unlike yourself?" He put his hand on the collarbone he'd just nipped, and used it to hold up his head as he looked at his lover.

Clark frowned, just slightly, as he thought. "I don't know how to explain it. I feel like there's a pretend me, and a real me. Only the two are all mixed up and melted together, and there's no way I can fix it." A little swallow, shaking his head. "Ignore it, Lex. I'm just... I'm tired."

A gentle shoulder was shrugged, and a self mocking smile on his face as Clark brought a knee up to his chest, rubbing at it softly. It was strange, very very strange having his powers back... but very good, in a way. He'd missed it, and no way in hell would he ever admit it. His powers were such a part of who he was, and not having them, even if they were with his trusted aushna', made him feel strange.

But now, back to controlling his laser vision, and x-ray vision, and speed and such...it felt good. Oddly.

Oh. And the whole, you know, had a child, am an alien, massive identity teenage male issues. That thing, you know. Can of worms.

Lex's head lay back down on Clark's shoulder. "You know those things don't matter to me," he said quietly, having caught at least a small flash of what his lover was thinking. "The only things that matter is that we are together and we now have each other."

Clark didn't say anything, laying back so he gently jostled Lex closer, the blanket fitting about his shoulders softly. He closed his eyes, pressing his temple to the top of Lex's head, and smiled, even if it was a little bit. "You really think I can fly?"

Lex snuggled closer, and turned on his side so that his arm was slung over Clark's stomach. "Yeah, I do. I think you can fly."

"I'm scared of flying." Clark whispered, to the ceiling above their bed. The light from the lamp played off the lovely stucco, and they lay there, like the best friends they were, holding hands, snuggled, and being with one another. It made him feel... amazing. "There's this song, you need to hear, Lex. By Lifehouse. Its called Everything, or something. And you need to hear it, because... its you."

He grasped a vein from their link and slipped it into where he had his music memorized, letting his lover hear it in his blood.

Lex listened quietly to the song, picking up threads of lyrics he'd heard on the radio or on television as his fingertips traced the back of his lover's hand. "I've heard that one before; it's a beautiful song. But... and you'll laugh at me I know, but the song that I always associate with you is the song that was playing on my CD changer when my car ran off the bridge."

Clark chuckled a little, very softly, as he stroked his thumb against the back of Lex's hand, bringing it to set on his still damp belly. "Fate is a funny thing." Another little chuckle, shifting to gaze through the ceiling at the stars, veins of his powers slipping through Lex's mind so he could see too. "If I hadn't been mortally embarrassed by Lana, treated like a dumb, helpless kid by my parents, and ridiculed by Chloe and Pete that day, I wouldn't have been standing at that bridge on my way home from school, bummed and broody. And you... if your dad had kept you in school, or if he'd sent you to Richardsonville or something, you would have never crashed, and we would have never met."

Lex just stared at the stars that had brought his lover to him. "We'd have met. Somehow. I maybe wouldn't have literally run into you... but we'd have met. I'd have been drawn to you somehow." He stroked Clark's stomach gently as their fingers laced together. "I can't imagine me not being drawn to you."

"Me neither. My blood sang with you even before we met." Clark said quietly, looking down at him so he could stroke his thumb over those beautiful, sculpted cheek bones. "I knew your soul before I knew you. And that first day when we talked, when you nearly decapitated me? Yeah. I just knew it. I did. Lex?"

He laughed softly. "I wasn't aiming for you. I was just... pissed off because Heike was kicking my ass." He kissed Clark's shoulder before he answered. "Yeah?"

"See? if you'd hit me and I'd broken your foil with my eyeball, my cover would have been blown. Prolly my bladder, too..." Clark smiled, rubbing his cheek against Lex's forehead. "What took us so long to get here? Why did we wait so long?"

Lex gave it serious thought for a moment. "Because I was a cocky bastard. If I hadn't hit you and you hadn't brought me back and changed my life, then we wouldn't have even had a chance. As it was, you had to be my friend first, and teach me how to care about you, and about other people, as it's not something I'd ever done before."

"When did you know you wanted me?" Clark asked softly, looking down at him as he gently stroked the bare skin of his head. He never tired of his lovers hairless state, just stroking over the lovely skin gently every chance he got… whether it was down his long, hairless and soft back, or over his hips, gently thumbing the indent between crotch and hip that was his.

Lex thought about that, too. "Carnally? When I saw you in the corn field and pulled you down. I wanted to fuck you then and there, because you were so beautiful, and you needed me." He considered the rest of the question. "Soulfully? I think I realized it the day you came and told me to drive carefully because Cassandra told you that someone close to you was going to die. You told me what she said, and I hadn't realized until then you considered me close."

Pride. Clark puffed up in it, and took Lex's hand, gently sweeping it down his own belly, which was toned and hard with the hard labor of the farm. "You can't say no to this, huh?" But he wasn't joking, just beaming down at him. People rarely called him attractive, and even MORE rarely meant it, but from Lex, he knew it was meant. And it just made his day. Plus, you know, unexpectedness, and Clarks eyebrows rose. "Cause I told you not to crank in the triple digits? Really?"

"Really. It was the first time that I could remember where someone expressed concern for me simply because they cared, not because they had a stake in my future or to caution me about my behavior. Bruce always worried about my driving, ever since I plowed into his living room one holiday, but he knew better than to tell me to slow down."

"I couldn't have you killing yourself before I told you I loved you, Lex." Clark said softly, as his thumb so very gently swept underneath one eye, rubbing it gently as he gazed at him. Tumble of limbs, tangle of bodies and sheets, and it was possibly the most comfortable thing Clark had ever been in. Snuggled, impossibly twined, with the person of his dreams. Person who'd made him a man. And he just... his heart just cuddled and beamed, even as he lit up at him. "Like Dominic and the cows?"

"And I wouldn't have wanted to miss it." He wrapped his legs around Clark's and rolled his eyes at that. "Dom is just a pussy boy is having bad flashbacks about a Thanksgiving joyride with me about six years ago."

A chuckle, then, because Clark figured Dominic had reason to be terrified, as he nuzzled Lex's arm softly, slipping one thigh comfortably between his lovers to rub a limp crotch. Three times in an hour and a half, and it wouldn't be anything other than limp for a while. He gently stroked a slender, naked nip with his fingertips, thumb, gently kissing his lover. "Baby, I'm siding with your step dad."

"Just because we hit 150 on a rainy road with the top down is no reason for him to piss his pants every time we get in a car together," he groused.

An eyebrow came up. High. A gentle cough, a grin. His lover, with his indignant face, half pouting and half glaring at nothing. His lover, who had changed his entire life around, his world around, and Clark felt such a surge of love that all he could do was bite his lip, listening to him complain with a little, soft smile.

Lex heard the cough and snuck a look up at Clark as he was in mid-pout. The cute little smile sent the pout away, and he sighed heavily, as though put upon. "You're so adorable when you let me rant."

He chuckled, softly, half wicked and half love, as he gently stroked his fingertips over Lex's chest, humming his innocence as he lowered a palm to his thigh, where the mark of aushna' would forever stay.

His scars would always remind him. From the bites on neck, nipple and thigh, to the one bisecting his back. He felt... he felt old, in a way, as he gazed at his lover. "I really like my job."

"You're good at it," Lex admitted quietly. "Though you know you don't have to do it."

"I do. Cause... cause I..." A swallow, and he shifted, just a little, looking at his lover. "I don't want you to be angry at me anymore."

"You don't. Why do you think that you not slinging coffee is going to make me angry at you?" He pushed himself up again, looking down at his lover, and stroking his face softly.

He swallowed, nodding, and spoke his mind, quietly. "I love what you got me for my birthday, Lex. But the car... you know I... I need to get my own car, with money I earn. And I don't want to seem like I don't appreciate it, and fucking love it." There was a mans adoration for sexy little motor things in his voice and in his expression, though he tried to harden it a moment later. "I want to work my way, Lex."

Lex sighed. "I know, Clark. And I know that I shouldn't have gotten it for you... but like you said when you saw it... you never had things that are just yours." He put his head down on Clark's shoulder. "I know you don't want to be a kept man and I don't want to treat you like one, but sometimes... I just wish you'd let me take care of you."

"But that would be too easy, baby." Clark smiled up at him, than brought him closer when he lay down on his shoulder, gently holding him close. "I need to work for what I want. Its who I am, baby. I'd rather work for what I want then have someone hand it to me on a silver platter, because the pleasure of working for what I want spoils the reward in the end." A moment. "I don't make much sense, but you know."

"I know. You want to make your own way." He gave a small smile. "I'm sorry if I smother you sometimes."

"Smother?" Clark rolled his eyes, though it was amused, and his smile said so. "As long as you don't start cutting my food for me, you can smother me all you like." He rose a leg up from the warm sheets, linking it over Lex's ass and tugging him closer. "I like it."

"You don't have to worry about that." Lex paused for effect. "You eat too fast for me to cut things up for you."

Clark cracked up. Just threw his head back, laughing out loud. The sound was lovely, deep and rumbling, and he held Lex closer, hugging him tight as he gazed up at him in pure joy and pleasure. "I love you, Lex."

Lex rolled on top of his aushna' and held on to the rumbling chest and shaking shoulders. "I love you, Clark." He couldn't help the grin that spread over his face at the sight of Clark's laughter.

"I'd like to see you try, by the way." Clark grinned, broadly, hugging him tightly to him as he rose both legs to wind through Lex's, beaming up at him. "I'd bite your fingers off at the knuckle, baby." Another giggle, though it was shy. "Speaking of... when do you think the Chinese is gonna get here?"

Lex leaned over and picked up his watch from the bedside table. "If we're lucky, in about five minutes or so." He put the watch back down, and curled back up around Clark. "I can't believe you're thinking of food."

"I'm so huuuungry." Clark whined, and his stomach gave a rumble in agreement. "Lex, I'm starving. I haven't eaten next to anything since last week, and you know, no powers to deal with. And now... yeah. You know, like Little House of Horrors? Feeed meee Seeeyymooorrrr!" Clark wriggled his fingers and made his evil cackly voice, wriggling his brows for effect.

"The only thing we have in the bedroom are puppy biscuits, and I will not feed you Milk Bones." He groaned, and rolled off his lover's growling stomach. "I will, however, go downstairs and see if Ms. Bird still has those double fudge brownies in the refrigerator and I'll bring those up with milk."

Oh. Oh, God. That's all Lex had to say, ALL, double fudge brownies and milk and Clark was giving him the biggest puppy eyes on the planet, looking insanely hopeful as he sniffed. "yeah? Brownies? Really?"

"Really. I know that she had Shayla in the kitchen with her one night helping her, but I have no idea if there are any left. There should be, as there were four batches, and you haven't raided the kitchen since." He kissed the wiggling eyebrows. "I'll be back."

"Hurry, kay?" Another lopsided smile as he smiled, rolling over in the sheets and hugging Lex's warm pillow to his chest as he closed his eyes and snuggled under the blankets.

"As fast as my non-speeding feet will carry me." Lex belted his robe around his waist, and slid his feet into doeskin slippers and sighed at the warmth. "Aaah." He shuffled out of the bedroom, down the stairs, and into the kitchen. He carefully picked his way among shards of broken crockery, the scent of sex thankfully dissipating some as he opened the refrigerator.

Jackpot.

Huge plate of chocolate brownies on the second shelf--a good two dozen. Lex pulled the plate out, set it on the counter, and picked up the half gallon of milk left from Clark's earlier cereal run. He got halfway up the steps before the doorbell rang.

Timing.

He trekked back down the stairs, put the brownies and the milk down, opened the drawer by the door, took out a stack of twenties, paid for the food out of the grocery money, took the box, packed the brownies and the milk on top of the food, added in a two-liter bottle of Coke and a six-pack of Ty-Nant for himself, and started back up the steps. The phone rang downstairs, and he ignored it.

Clark was taking a cat nap. His lover had been gone for at least fifteen minutes, and his body had shut itself down for some quick maintenance. Like, you know, sleep. He was snoring softly, snuggled into the sheets and blankets like a big lout, face buried under the cloth with his hair, sticking up everywhere, hanging out of the sheets.

That is, until he sniffed brownies. And then he made sure he'd wake up for them when they came. In the meantime, he was good as gravy, right here.

Lex was cursing the architect who'd built so many goddamned stairs into the house. Called him a shit-lapping bastard who'd never had to live in his own hellish creation.

But he topped the stairs with the box of food still intact, and he bellowed for Clark.

Holy SHIT! He jumped, toppled, and hit the floor with a thud, the thump of the alarm clock, which had been replaces eighteen times since Clark had come to live with Lex, hitting right with him. He blinked, looked up, and pushed mussed hair out of his eyes, standing and stepping into the hall in all of his naked glory.

And bellowed, right back. "WHAT?!"

"IF YOU WANT FOOD, GET YOUR NAKED ASS OUT HERE BEFORE I DROP IT ALL!" Lex bellowed as he headed down the hallway.

"Lex? You're sounding more and more like your dad, Dominic, everyday." Clark replied sweetly, as he sped up to his lover and bat his eyelashes prettily, taking the food from him and giving him a sugary sweet smile.

"You realize I could hold your brownies hostage for that, don't you?" Lex snarled as he was relieved of the box.

"But I know you'd never do such a thing." Clark replied easily, turning his back and starting to walk back to their bedroom. "Because than I'd just have to eat you, and you know, pleasant experience, but not as much as I'm looking for."

"You can eat me any time you want to, Clark. You're not going to see me complaining." He reached into the box and pulled the plate of brownies off the top, and pulled back the plastic wrap. "Mmm.... these actually smell good, and I'm not even that fond of chocolate."

Oh.

Ohhh.

Oh.

The scent of delicious brownies crowded his brain. So much so, that Clark turned back, swallowing softly and approaching his lover again.

And sort of put the whole thing in his mouth as Lex was still holding it, taking Lex's fingers and all.

He sucked at the slender digits, wriggling them in his mouth as he pushed them out and kept mother's milk, delicious chocolately yumminess, in. Mmmmm, and he muttered his joy around his mouthful, pressing the center of his palm to his lips to keep it in as he chewed.

That certainly got Lex's attention, and he slipped the gooey, chocolately fingers back into his mouth to suck them clean.

The taste of chocolate Clark was sinfully delicious, and he sucked them loudly, flushing a bit as he slurped.

Mental image of Clark as an Easter bunny and he chuckled, though the motion had been innocent, and he dipped his hand in sheepishly for another one as he worked it out of his teeth. "Ms. Bird deserves some sort of award for this stuff, Lex."

Lex held the plate out of Clark's reach. "You're not getting dessert before the meal, Clark. You've got enough food in there for Pharaoh's army."

"I sort" Of wanted you for desert. "of certainly think not. Brownies are meant to eat whenever, Lex. And see?" Clark pretended to knock on his abs. " I'm not the type of guy who's so out of shape he has to take a nap in the middle of his Big Mac, okay? I think handling brownies before dinner will be definitely, definitely okay."

Lex's eyebrows shot up. "Me for dessert? That... that can be arranged. And yes, I know you've got two stomachs and the metabolism of a fuckin' bumblebee, but humor me, Clark. Ms. Bird is one of the few people on this earth that I am afraid of, your mother being the second. If either of them found out I fed you a plate full of brownies before you ate anything else, my balls would be on the chopping block faster than you can say Pillsbury."

Clark flushed six shades of crimson, gazing at the floor for a minute before he glanced up, and smiled. "Its our little secret. And since I won't be telling mom or Ms. Bird I ate her brownies, and YOU aren't going to tell them either, what's the harm? Just turn the cameras in our bedroom, and voila." A moment. "Hey, Lex?"

"Who the hell watches what the cameras record?"

"I do. The security computer records it in six hour intervals; every sixth hour a tape is changed by the machine itself, and the previous tape is put in the outsource bin. Enrique delivers them to me, and I run them through and see if there's anything I need to be investigating."

Clark. Cocked. A. Brow. "You mean to tell me you can see everything that's going on in the mansion? And you've never told me this why?" Clark stopped him in the hall, put a hand up and stared. "Dish. Who's having sex with who? Who's doing what? Come on, Lex. I can't believe you never told me this."

"Clark, you wouldn't believe the number of tapes I've thrown out simply because I don't want to see my father and Dominic having sex. I see the live show frequently enough as it is." He rubbed his temples with the hand not carrying the brownie plate. "Though I do have a few tapes of you and I secreted away in my safe downstairs, including both our little adventures with Whitney and Chloe."

Oh. A little shudder, at the mention of their life friends, and Clark brightened, considerably. He needed to find them and apologize to him, and he shyly nodded, rubbing the back of a flushed neck as he shifted and stepped into their bedroom. "I know. But... yeah, wow. That's kinda cool. Like, peeping Tom, only not."

"There was actually some very nice footage of your parents here during their blizzard stay," Lex said conversationally. "Your mother is an amazingly flexible woman, or at least, she appeared to be as I fast forwarded."

All the blood drained out of Clarks face. Arousal? Gone. He blinked once at his lover, food in hand, completely frozen, and just... stared. "Lex, if you ever talk about my parents having sex again, I'll be forced to do something unpleasant."

Lex just smirked. "Now you know how I feel at the mention of Dom and Dad."

"But… but... Dominic's not... and.... you are so very mean." Clark shuddered, hard, setting the food down and glaring at him. "Your parents are cool. Your dad is really cool and hip, and so is Dominic. Mine are not. They're old and strict and they don't have sex, dammit. They don't, and I refuse to think about it, so just shut up."

Lex blinked. "Where do you think the baby came from, Clark? The avocado patch?"

"No. The baby came from... from someplace other than my dads penis." Clark let out a sudden howl, smacking his hands to his head and all but keeling over. "Oh, God! My dad does NOT have a penis! NO! NO! NO!"

"Fact of human anatomy, Clark. All males have a penis. And since your mother is having a baby, I'm assuming your father's is still quite functional."

"LEX!" Clark tackled him. Grabbed the plate of precious brownies with super speed, set them aside, and finished tackling his lover. Half on the bed, of which they fell off of, and Clark growled down at him, glaring as they hung half off the bed and half on. "Shut. Up. No. PENISES!" Desperation in his face, and SINCE I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME LEX LUTHOR, IF YOU EVER WANT ANOTHER ORGASM YOU'LL SHUT UP!

Lex just reared up and kissed his lover before licking a stripe down his throat and chest. "As you wish... Master Kent," he whispered throatily.

"No! Sex, and talk of the... my... my da-...no. OKAY?! No!" Yeah right. Aroused already, even as he tried in vain to tug away, snarling at his lover as he arched.

Lex kept his grip on Clark's wrists gentle, keeping his tongue on Clark's skin. "No more penis talk then, Master." He rubbed his face into the crook of Clark's neck as he arched his body into his lover.

Clark… yeah. He giggled. Couldn't help it, as he looked up at his lover from his half sprawl on the bed, letting them thump the rest of the way to the floor. Clark lay on his back, legs on the bed, ass pressed flush against the mattress and blankets, and one eyebrow rose as Lex toppled with him, though not uncomfortably. "Master?"

"Mmm... isn't that what I'm supposed to call you?"

"I dunno." Clark thought about it a moment...and the delicious little extras being called that could have. Fantasy moment. Lex on his knees, in front of him, whip and leash and that enormous blue dildo, and oooooo. A little shiver, pleased beyond imagining to have Lex back in his arms so he could have things like this, and he giggled, hugging him tightly. "I like 'Clark' just fine. Possibly, you know, 'Enormously well endowed Clark', but..." A wicked grin.

Lex just blinked. "Is that what you want, my Master?" Lex asked softly, raising his eyebrow and sending Clark's own image back at him."

Clark bit his lip, thinking a minute. "I'd rather you... be with me, screaming in pleasure, than getting off on pain." He said softly, carefully, before his lips spread and his eyes widened innocently. "Though, you know, Big Blue I wouldn't mind."

Lex sighed. Hell of a time to be having this discussion. "Clark... sometimes a little pain can be pleasure. I trust you; I know that you would never hurt me unreasonably, and I know that anything you would do, you would do because you knew I wanted it. But you're allowed to want things too, and if they're things I'm willing to do, then I will give them to you. Including this."

Oh. Instant mental image of the other day, getting filled with water and dispelled and the feelings that had brought. But then the why he'd needed it, and the unspeakable pain that had followed, and Clark sobered, taking a moment for his son. His beautiful child, and he felt regret, guilt, twinges of pain for the pity of not knowing him. But Mar-El had told him himself... he had to live. He was trying, and he'd try for the rest of his life, as he looked up at his lover and blinked at him. "Explain to me how hurting feels good, Lex. Because... okay, I was human for like, what, a week? And every time I got hurt it was not happy."

Lex put his head on Clark's shoulder. "It's... kind of hard to explain, but I will try. Think about... think about the last time you had strained muscles. It hurt, didn't it? But then you stretched them. Which hurt even more, but felt good because the stretch caused the pain to change, and hurt less. They kind of... meld together."

"Oh. Today." Clark nodded, and gave a little shiver. "Today, after work. We came home, and you.." Flashes of horrible pain and outrageous pleasure, and his eyes widened, softly, as he thought. "You fucked me. Really, really hard. And... a... and, it hurt, but it was a good hurt."

"I hurt you?" Lex rolled off his lover in an instant. "Clark, you didn't tell me I hurt you!!" He glared down angrily at his lover.

"Lex, you were claiming me. its supposed to hurt." Clark cracked a grin up at him, eyebrow raising. "As much as possible."

A soft growl. "It is not supposed to hurt, goddammit."

"Yes, it is." He shifted, gently cupping the sides of Lex's chest and rubbing softly. "Remember the first time I claimed you? You bled like a pig."

"But that felt good," Lex argued softly. "It didn't hurt."

"Neither did this."

Lex let Clark pull him back down and he curled up back on Clark's chest. "You should have told me," he sulked. "But are you sure you're all right?"

"Of course," He rolled his eyes at the ceiling as he gently pulled him close, grinning regardless and burying his face into Lex's ear. "I'm super human again, baby. I think... it was shocking, mostly. I felt so much. Like… like, a thousand times more. I could feel the pain, like when it hurts to stretch. I didn't know it hurt."

"But that's just the thing," Lex said softly. "It feels good. It doesn't hurt enough to make you hurt, it's just... a nice little burn."

"Burns?" For the first time in a long time Clark associated a feeling with a word, something he hadn't understood, and he nodded, trying it out. "Burns. It burns when you slide in... but good. Good hurt. Oh! Is that what you meant? Good hurt?"

"My prize pupil. That's exactly what I meant." He nibbled Clark's chin gently. "So is it what you want for... dessert?"

A little shift, and swallow. "Sorry I'm asking you this stuff, baby. Its just not something I can go to my parents about. Hey, mom, why does my ass burn when Lex fucks it?." Clark cracked a little smile, angling up into Lex's touch and sighing, softly. "I want you and that big blue thing. And… and I want you, inside me." A nod, as he rubbed his cheek against Lex's, stubble against baby smooth.

"And the leash and the collar and the whip?" Lex asked softly, mouthing his lover's throat.

A shake of his head, swallowing. "Gotta move on up. The dildo, first." A minute, as he stroked the back of Lex's head, and a thought occurred to him when Lex lapped at his Adams apple. "Do you like being submissive to me sometimes, Lex?"

"I do," was the instant answer. "Because I know I can trust you."

"Yeah?" He shuddered. Couldn't help it. "What stuff...do you see me doing?"

Lex thought for a moment. "Well... sometimes, I think about you, like you were under the red meteor rock. Only you're not. We're out on the cold roadside, just like that, and you just slam the brakes on. Tell me to get out. We're on the side of the road, so anyone can see us going by. You make me get down on my knees, suck your cock by the side of the road. You don't let me come yet; not until you've already come all over my face, because I'm not good enough yet to have your come inside me." Another soft pause. "Sometimes I think about how I used to be, in the clubs, strung up on a leather hammock with poppers shoved under my nose, hands holding me down while a fist was rammed up my ass." He pressed a kiss on Clark's shoulder.

Clark froze, trembling as he listened to his lover. The words coming out of Lex's mouth were making him shake, and he listened silently, watching him with the eyes of a young man who was no longer innocent, his tongue working in a dry mouth as he swallowed, softly. Oh. His fingertips, very lightly and shakily, slipped over Lex's back, and rubbed against hard muscle. "It was pleasure?"

"It was." Lex nodded gently. "It was pleasure. Not the kind you and I have, not where it digs down into your soul, but it was physically pleasurable."

"But its..." Pain. Pain and pleasure, interwoven together, and Clark swallowed, hard, whispering, "Sometimes I have fantasies. Of you, chained and filled. I r… read, something, once, about being filled with… with water. Ice, sometimes. A... and fucking like that." A little shiver, as he looked at Lex quietly, gauging every reaction. Clamping you up... filling you, in every way...making you want until you scream."

Lex nodded. "Yeah. That's kind of the idea. Adding more until you can't take anymore, and then waiting until you're used to it and adding more and seeing that you actually can." He stroked his hand gently over Clark's chest, down his breastbone. "Anything you've read, Clark, I've probably done or had done to me. It doesn't scare me that you think about that; I'd like to give it to you, if you'd take it."

Sudden mental image of Lex, or himself, filled with water and getting tortured and he shuddered, hard, his cock hardening against Lex's belly where they were pressed close. Of fucking Lex with that enormous blue dildo... sharing it with him. Of leading Lex like a dog, chain and collar. A bit. Leather. Having sex as women, with full, bouncing breasts and deep little pussies and oh, God, he moaned, hard, shuddering half under his lover as he brought his mouth to Lex's shoulder, sucking softly at hot skin.

"It is big enough to share, if you don't push it all the way inside me," Lex replied softly, seeing flashes of the pictures that Clark was considering. He sent another picture of his own to his lover, an old memory, in leather harnesses and bits, reins and a dildo in his ass that was attached to the leather harness, head jerked up high like a horse's as a whip snapped over his shoulder.

Clark moaned, hard, shivering as he moved, splaying his lover half under him as his cock wept for a touch. He brought his hand down, rubbing it just a little to calm the ache, as his eyes slit. He was riding on pure fantasy, tongue lapping out to touch the scar on his lovers throat, the wound already healed as he arched his back. "Lex... wh... why? Did you... so good."

"Why did I let them do it to me? Because I could feel it. I don't think... I don't think you understand exactly how... hard I was. How jaded, how cynical. I still am, but... you've made me feel." He slid his hand down Clark's arched back, stroking lightly over the bump at the base of Clark's spine before brushing back up over his spine.

Oh, God. The touch on his back made him jump and moan throatily, his pulse jumping in his throat. He lowered his mouth to his lovers nipple, bringing the wound back to life with hard, tense little sucks, his cock burning hot as he rocked into Lex's own. "I... I want.." He moaned, muffled around hot skin as he brought Lex's hand down back over the bump, rearing into it as his cock throbbed. "The dildo. T... I want to… to fuck you w-with it, I want to, go get it."

Lex rubbed his palm over the bump, pressing down as Clark pushed up into it. "Yes sir," Lex breathed softly. "I'll be back." Lex rolled off the bed, and didn't even bother to put his robe on as they were still alone in the house. He padded nakedly down the hall, back to their old bedroom. His heart pained him a little as he walked into the bright new bedroom, went to the closet, opened up the room. He'd have to move this later, move it all to their room and put it in a closet instead, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he picked up the box that had held Clark's lacy red panties last time and emptied it. He picked up the large blue dildo first, and dropped it into the box.

He chose nipple clamps and cuffs, a collar and a chain-link leash, ankle restraints and a small telescoping spreader bar. Everything he could think that they would want or need, and he kicked the secret door shut as he carried the box back into the bedroom.

Clark was still lying on the bed, and Lex put the box full of things on the bed, and then got on his knees beside the bed, head resting on the mattress.

Clark swallowed. Hard. Lex was laying with his head down, submissively asking and oh GOD. The surge of power and lust was thick and delicious, and Clark slipped from the sheets, crouching low to knead over his lovers ass. He brought it flush against his own crotch, crouched there behind him, squirming his body gently as his fingers dipped down over Lex's crotch. "I've never....before."

Lex moaned softly as he leaned his head back, laying his head on Clark's shoulder as he thrust his cock into the gently teasing hand. "I have; look in my mind; you can find everything you need to know there."

"You'll call me Master, or Sir, until we finish." Clark whispered, softly, into petal pale, warm skin. his fingers dipped into the box, removing the collar and chain first. "You'll do as I say, or you'll be punished severely. Are we clear? If you tell me no..." Clark pressed tightly against Lex, lifting his head firmly but gently to show him the cock case with attachable rings of hell. "I'll put one more ring on, and tack ten more minutes on your time before you can come."

He snapped the leather choker on easily, with its dog spikes coming from it, and attached the leash to the D-Ring as he was watching Lex do in his mind to a hundred different faceless nobodies. He was jealous but aroused beyond speech, and he finished snapping the leash on quietly. However… instead of using it for its purpose, he looped the chain down around his lovers cock and between his balls, then up, tightly between his ass cheeks so that the long end would connect to the D-ring in back.

"I won't say no, Master," Lex breathed softly, moaning softly as the cock ring was snapped around his hard shaft and some of the hell rings were added. A soft, supplicating groan as his cock twitched inside the rings, and he rocked lightly as the chain rubbed against his opening.

His eyes remained downcast unless Clark lifted his head, and even before he thought, Lex put his arms behind his back, linking his fingers together.

Clarks fingertips finished fastening the dark leather together, and he rocked back on his heels, surveying his work. Delicious torture that had him rubbing his cock... before he realized he didn't have to. He climbed up just enough to sit on the bed, and spread his thighs wide. "Suck me, slave. Enjoy it, while you can."

His fingers found the chain as Lex crawled to him, and he took hold on the one tied in back and the one in front, rubbing the chain back and forth. Rubbing against Lex's little hole, and tugging hard on the base of his bound cock and balls.

Oh. Clark turned back to the box, selecting one of the several small weights, and using the leather studded strap attached to it, reached down and snapped it around his lovers balls, weighing them down.

Lex moved on his hands and knees, crawling with near-feline grace over to his lover. As he moved the chain rubbed against him, which only caused his cock to harden more inside the constricting rings and he moaned as he opened his mouth to suck Clark down. He didn't use his hands to brace on his lover's thighs, instead trusting his own balance as he spread his knees to accommodate the moving chain.

His eyes slammed shut at the weights added to his scrotum, delicious stinging pull that made him groan around Clark's cock, vibrating the hard shaft in his mouth as it slid down the throat, and Lex buried his nose in Clark's pubic hair before sliding back to suck the head.

Oh, that was good. Very... very good, and Clark shivered as he worked around Lex's mouth. He attached tiny clover claps that had a tight force, snapping one tightly to his left nipple. He thread the nipple clamp chain through one of the chain links in the dog leash, connecting the clamp to the right nipple and squeezing it closed for good measure.

Now, if his lover tried to thrust forward, his nipples would get yanked on. And the thought was a very, very pleasurable one. Clark brought his palm down on the top of Lex's head, coaxing him closer down onto his cock as he grunted, rolling his hips in pleasure. "Mother, mother fucker."

Lex just moaned at the tugging on his nipples as he let Clark's hands guide him down further onto his cock. His tongue licked rapidly, slurping around the delicious shaft before deepthroating him, then pulling off entirely to suck each of Clark's balls into his mouth, sucking them, then returning to lavish his shaft with more deepthroating.

The grunts caused Lex to thrust forward helplessly, and the scream his nipples gave as they were roughly pulled in the clamps came out as a scream of distinct pleasure in Lex's throat that once again, vibrated through the length of his lover's shaft.

Clark let out a throaty cry of his own, his pleasure rapture as he listened to the pleasured scream, and he slowly lifted Lex off his cock, smiling softly down at him as he rose.

He stepped over his crouched lover, and walked easily back into the closet, leaving Lex alone for the moment. He needed...oh. Yes.

Five minutes later, Clark reemerged, though not the same person he'd been when he'd walked in. He wore tall army boots, half undone. His cock, hard and gorgeous, was hanging out of tight leather chaps, his chest crisscrossed with a studded leather harness. Each nipple had a clamp on it, snug little chainless clamps that rubbed and aroused, rather then pinched and ached. Around each wrist were thick black bracelets, his own collar around his throat. He gazed at Lex, eyebrow raised, and reached down to fondle heavy balls and his cock, as he asked, "Do you like this better, slave?"

Lex knew better than to move or to touch himself while his Master was gone, and instead, he just rocked gently against the chain, feeling it rub against his opening even as he savored every pull and tug on his nipples.

When he heard Clark's approach, he looked over, seeing booted feet first, and then when he wasn't disciplined for looking up, he moved his head up, taking in every inch of his leather-clad lover. "Yes, Sir, I do," Lex answered softly, licking his lips and unaware he was doing it.

"Crawl over here. On your knees." Clark demanded, as he pointed to the spot he wanted his lover, even as he went back to the box, A squat, thick anal plug that vibrated, and he lubed it quickly, out of his lovers eyes. It was thrilling, so out of character for the both of them, this fun roll play. Oh, and he was aroused, beyond proper thinking, his cock rubbing against the leather. "Good little slave. Good Lex. Such a good boy, listening to me." He turned, the plug in hand, and crouched down behind Lex's ass, giving it a hard, ringing slap. "Hips higher. I want your hips higher. Hurts your nipples, doesn't it?" He gave the chain a tug. "I don't care. Lift them up, high, and spread them wide."

Lex crawled easily over to the spot his lover gestured, so that he would be almost directly in front of his master. He put his head back down as he got into position, and gave a quick look up at his aushna' as he kept his hands behind his back.

Oh, the slap on his ass was pure fire, and he brought his hands around to brace on the floor as he lifted his ass up as high as he could, thighs spread to expose himself.

The pull on his nipples was a rough, constant tug as the teeth of the clamps bit into the tender nubs and he whimpered as he opened himself, rubbing back against the chain that Clark jerked.

Oh. Idea. Clark set the anal plug down and rose, giving Lex's ass a tender, impassioned kiss before stepping through their bedroom door to the study next door. The puppies were sleeping, and Clark was silent, moving to the small bar and fridge that sat in the corner. He filled a glass with ice cubes, a handful of them, and walked back into the bedroom, his lube in hand.

He crouched down, low, setting the glass to the side as he lubed his fingers, and gently but firmly slipped two inside of the small puckered hole that was his for the taking. He pressed his digits in fully, stroking them in and out easily of the channel slickening with lubrication, fucking him slowly but surely for several long moments around the chain.

He added a third finger, then, bunching them up and sliding them in. And once he was positive of the stretch, of the width of what he was seeing, he took one of the ice cubes from the small glass, melting the edges with the warmth of his fingertips, and pushed it into the tiny hole.

Moaning. That's all Lex could do on his hands and knees, pushing his ass back onto Clark's fingers as they fucked him. Felt so good, so wide, stretching him open and moaning more as he rocked back, felt the chain rubbing his hole around Clark's fingers, pulling on his cock.

Then, the slide of something hard and cold into his ass, and he screamed as he pushed back, sucking it into his body as his anal muscles tightened and pulled the cube and Clark's fingers into his body.

Oh fuck. Clark groaned, hard, leaning down to lick and lap at the tight muscles holding his fingers, and gently withdrew them, just enough so the hole wouldn't close, as he pressed a second ice cube in.

Third. Fourth. Fifth, until the glass was empty, and his lover was full of cold, hard ice.

And then, just as easily, he slipped the anal plug in, firmly, and set the chain tightly over the squat end of it.

He rose then, easily, and with a very mild, soft surge of heat from his eyes, he heated lube up to deliciously, cozily warm, and spread the hot liquid over his lovers burning cock, over the rings, and around the leather case itself as he slipped one of the rings off, an d sucked at the head gently before he leaned back and got a string of anal beads, holding them up in front of his lover. "Lube them. And push them inside of me, with your tongue. Are we clear?"

Lex moaned softly at the suck to his head, and then nodded, opening his mouth. He ducked down and sucked each bead into his mouth, starting with the pull ring until his mouth was full of them. He pulled his hands from behind his back and slicked his fingers carefully, waiting for Clark to turn around, mouth filling with saliva and slickening the beads as he waited.

And Clark's chin trembled.

The last two weeks, and the events that had come, suddenly filled the void in his mind where his internal monologue had been. He'd cut it off, feeling and not thinking, and he sat down, abruptly, looking at his lover. Bound, gagged, and the moan did it.

Clark let out a husky, deep sob, tugging the anal beads out of his lovers mouth and kissing him instead, hard as his throat burned with tears waiting to be shed. He tore the leather dog collar off, the chain, the nipple clamps, carefully and swiftly. He snagged one of the towels that Lex had brought had brought and spread it over the ground, gently pulling him over it. He tugged out the anal plug, pressing on his lovers belly to expulse all the water. As the water was dribbling down, ice cubes still half formed falling, he unsnapped the cock harness, removing the chain completely, freeing his lover of toys, and wrapped him tightly, hard, in his arms.

His cock had gone soft a moment after he realized what he was doing, and Clark let go only to rip the leather off. Literally. It came away from his body in shreds, boots ripped open and tossed away as Clark hugged his lover as tightly as he could, thudding on his ass to the floor again as he let out a sob, crushing him to his chest.

Lex wrapped his arms around Clark, not questioning the frantic movements as his lover freed them both, instead just held on, murmuring soothingly as soon as the beads were pulled out of his mouth, and kissing back, soothingly and calmingly as he clung tightly. "Sssh... It's okay. Baby, it's okay. What's wrong? Tell me, baby, please."

"I can't, I can't, not yet, I can't'," He sobbed it, hysterically, moving his palms over Lex's face, chest, neck, making sure he hadn't hurt his lover in his abject stupidity as he pulled him closer, and lay on the floor. Stretched out on the carpet, Lex in his arms, and he rocked him, pulling him as close to his body as he could as he held onto him, stroking his face, cheeks, neck, back, soothing as he trembled like a leaf. "I can't, can't hurt you, almost hurt you, my beloved, my aushna', I love you so much, I love you, I'm so very sorry, maghontale', my beloved, my lovely husband, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," He pressed his lips over Lex's tattooed mark, over and over and over, kissing and licking the colors that changed all on their own as he rocked him.

"Ssssh, no, baby, no. It's okay. You didn't hurt me." He stroked Clark's hair gently, cradling his beloved close. "Clark, Kal-El, sssh. Be calm. You did not hurt me, aushna'." He stroked his fingers through Clark's hair, letting his lover hold him and comfort himself. "Do not be frightened."

"I'm frightened, I'm so frightened, you're so blank and I can't even see, everything is so locked up and I'm terrified, and I can't, not, not now, not like this, can't have you like this, I love you, can't have you hurt like this, no, no, no, I love you, can't do it." Clark whispered, hands tense and shaking as he held Lex all the closer, kissing his throat, neck, cheek, ear as he rocked him.

"Blank?" Lex stroked Clark's hands, trying to relax them, holding Clark close to him. "No, baby, I'm okay. I'm all right. See? I'm right here, I'm all right." He brought Clark's hands to his face. "Sssh... baby, you're scaring me."

"You're scaring me, me, so much, Lex, you c... can't, you..." Clark shuddered, pressing his face close to Lex's as it was cupped, his eyes closing and his tears falling down his face with the motion, catching in his eyelashes and dropping down his skin. "You're empty, you're blank, everything that is you is inside a vault, and I can't get in. You w-won't let me. You hurt, and I keep seeing you, in a closet, crying, and there's... you won't let me help. Please, Lex. Please, let me help."

Lex shook his head. "Clark... I'm all right. Trust me. Yes... there is a vault down there, down in my mind. But I'm all right." He pressed his head to Clark's. "You're just getting a handle on your own emotions, Clark. You can't be overwhelmed with mine."

Clark looked up at him, for just a minute, glassy eyes gazing into his before he rolled over furiously, onto his back, staring at the ceiling. "Its there. You have it there. I am Kal-El. I am strong. You can share with me, like aushna' do. You can share, because you want to. If you don't, than you don't." Clark said, fiercely, with great pride. "You are El. You are aushna', with me. Share with me. If not, our link will crumble again. I can't stand living without you."

Lex rolled over onto Clark's chest, straddling his hips and staring down at him. Without a word said, he looked deep into Clark's eyes and opened the door that he'd slammed shut.

Pain, anguish, misery. Sadness beyond Lex's comprehension. Worry for Clark, anger at the world that took his son, fear that he was going to lose his aushna' just as he'd lost their child, because he wasn't good enough to save them, didn't deserve their love.

Hate for his father and Dominic because they would have a perfect child to love, love for his father because Lionel was the only person who could understand what Lex was feeling now.

Blame for himself, for causing the pain in the first place.

Oh, God. Clark lost it. He reared up, grasping a slender waist as hard as he could, and held him in his arms, hugging him as tightly as he could as he poured love, sadness, joy, heartbreak, pleasure, and the strongest emotion of all, the one thing that had kept him going, the one thing that he believed in.

Hope.

Hope, for himself, and for his aushna'. Hope for more children, so they would get a chance to be loved. Hope for marriage, hope for his beautiful lover. Young and free, but with an old soul at the core. The both of them. And he held his lover, and his appreciation, the sheer blinding LOVE he felt for his lover for sharing it with him was fierce as he hugged him, hard. "You did not cause it. You are not the cause of this. It happened, and there is no fault. Do not worry for me anymore, sa'lumkana, my Oakenepel. You will not lose me. I learned that, from you. Your father and Dominic will have children, but so will we. We will have children, born of my body. We will have babies to love, because I wish it."

Tears flowed down Lex's cheek as his own emotions flowed out of him, and he took Clark's into himself. The hope shone brightly in his heart, and he buried his face in Clark's shoulder. "I didn't realize how much I wanted, how much I needed you, needed a family until I had it, and then I lost it."

Clark held him, hugging him as tightly as he could, as gently as he could, as he rocked, holding his lover to his chest. His beautiful, sweet aushna'. "You will have one. I will give you one." Clark whispered, rubbing the bare back tenderly as he closed his eyes tightly, pressing the side of his face to Lex's. "We will have babies. You will be a father. You will have children, and a family, because I wish it. I want it. What I want I get." Clark said, firmly, as he pressed Lex's face close to his. "You have opened all the doors to my life, Lex. If I'd never loved you, I'd never know what being alive was. I'd still be the stupid farm boy I was, and not the man I am now." He said quietly, rubbing his thumbs over Lex's cheeks gently as he rose him to gaze at him. "I love you. I love you, and I'll be with you until its our time. And after that, after we've both crossed over into death, I'll still be with you."

"I love you, Clark." He looked up at his aushna', blinking the tears away as he gazed. "I love you, and I wouldn't be who I am now without you. I'm sorry that I didn't share this with you, but I couldn't burden you with my problems when you were just overcoming your own. I had to be strong for you so you could come back to me and be safe."

"I'm back to you. I'm here. Beloved, please." Clark whispered, setting his forehead on Lex's. "Please. Tell me. When you feel you shouldn't… tell me anyway. I don't want to lose you, I don't want to ever not feel you in my head again. Please, when you hurt this way... tell me."

"I will tell you," Lex promised. "I couldn't bring this pain to you. Not when you were already hurting and I thought I was losing you. I had to bring you back to me first. And even now... I'm scared that it is too much for you."

Clark shook his head, pressing his cheek gently against Lex's. "I love you. I love you, so very much. I love you, and no pain of yours will ever be too much. I love you, Lex."

"I love you, Clark." He raised his hand to press Clark's cheek tighter to his, stroking the stubbled skin gently. "I will come to you. I promise."

"Lex?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I didn't know you called it Big Blue."

A little snicker through the tears that still slid down his cheeks. "Didn't know... didn't know what else to call it," he sniffled. "At the time... Big Blue seemed logical. It was blue and it was big."

Clark gently kissed each side of his aushna's face, cupping his beautiful cheeks and holding him close, as he rubbed the tear tracks away. "I love you, Lex."

"I love you." The words didn't even feel like they covered the right emotions. "I love you, I cherish you, I need you." He stroked his hands gently through Clark's hair and held tight to him.

~ * ~ * ~

-fin-

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