The Memoirs

Clark had music flowing through his veins. He wasn't musically inclined by nature, but for Rod Stewart of course, but for some reason since he'd gotten to Ireland, he'd felt the incurable need to express himself. He'd already written a spiral full of ideas for stories and articles that he wanted to talk about when he got home, in the comfort of Lex's laptop in their bed. He had an idea for a series of little fics for various fandoms, and yeah, so maybe Ireland was the inspirational center of the fuckin world.

He didn't care. He loved it. The magic he felt, all the way down in his heart, was something he'd been missing from his life. Something he craved. And something he'd found, in stock piles, in Ireland.

He was delighted. Just... delighted, and he murmured so to his lover.

Clark had dressed in long tan corduroy pants, a black turtleneck, and a heavy leather jacket. He'd been proclaimed 'hot' by his lover, or some crap. Whatever.

He just made sure the clothes in the plastic wrap over his arm were sturdy as he and Lex walked up the walk to Gran's apartment building.

Lex was dressed for the occasion himself, keeping in mind the fact that he had agreed to play football for some reason of pure insanity that was stuck in his brain.

To that end, he'd dressed in sturdy hiking boots, a pair of crisp black jeans that had never been worn prior to today, a black sweater, and a light jacket. Lex had a duffel over his elbow, with clean, non-muddy clothes, and, because he knew the inevitable outcome of today's came, a first aid kit. Never let it be said that Lex Luthor wasn't prepared.

Even for a fucking football game. But his arm was around his lover's waist, he was happy, he was full of Clark's come, and he didn't give a good ratfuck about the rest of the world. He. Felt. GOOD. For a change.

"Come on, can't you smell the food?" Lex asked playfully, heading down towards the big hall at the back of the building.

 

"Your smell is a little stronger." Clark growled, softly, in the back of his throat, and he passed his lover a mysterious little smile before looking up.

Stopping.

Staring.

There were at least a hundred and fifty people in the yard, and in the dining hall. Tables set up, food smelling like sin that had yet to be served, and he blinked, twice, and stared as his mouth dropped.

They were all blond.

"Wow."

Lex just looked over the sea of people. "I didn't know Dominic could multiply that fast."

"Is that him?" Clark motioned his chin... shook his head. "No goatee. Christ. Jesus. At least a lot of them are girls." He rose his voice. "Gran? Its Clark and Lex! We're here!"

He shouldn't have said a fucking word. Because suddenly a girl who looked startlingly like Shayla would have as a young teen grasped his arm, tugged, and he and Lex were getting dragged through a crowd, getting their hands properly shaken.

Penelope almost shrieked as soon as she saw the chrome dome and heard the bellowing American accent. "They're here, Shay, I'll call you back!" She slammed the phone down and streaked through the crowd, jumping over two of the littlest kids and one dog as she skidded to a halt in front of them. Didn't bother with an introduction, just grabbed Clark's arm and started hauling towards Gran, taking the long way around of course, so everyone could get introduced.

Lex... just blinked. Several times, actually, at the little girl. Down to the pink hair and the seeming mentality of Hyperactive Smurf, and Lex just chuckled softly to Clark, as they were getting their hands wrung off. "If we ever lose Shayla? We've got a backup."

"And a spare." Clark grinned down at a four year old little girl, Andie, and hefted her up onto his hip with a squeal from her. He'd met her the day before yesterday and had spent a great time talking to her. He missed the look of adoration in her eyes, just making sure she was planted firmly on his hip as he shook hands with the people talking a mile a minute to each other.

"Are you... catching any of this? Including names?" Lex was picking out a name here and there in the babble, but they were being dragged, shaken, hugged, and pounded on the back by so many identical people that it was pretty much close to hopeless for Lex to attempt to keep up.

"Don't worry, AJ, I gotcha covered. Everybody'll introduce themselves again later, and you can meet 'em during the football game. I promised to tape it for Shayla so we've brought Uncle Aiden's camera over, and we'll set it up after dinner."

"Oh, wonderful." Another one calling me AJ. "My humiliation recorded for posterity."

"Blackmail's a bitch." Clark said over his shoulder, grinning, and then spotted Lionel and Dominic. They had their arms wrapped around one another's waists, walking outside towards the football field, and Lionel was carrying something... a baby. And the scene was so completely stunning, blinding even, that Clark stopped, and watched them, with the little pink headed girl grasping his arm, and Lex behind him.

It was… perfect. Strangely, completely. Perfect.

"Whoa!" Penelope had been steamrolling her way through the crowd, but Clark had been voluntarily following her. He put on the brakes and stopped, and her arm got yanked back and she banged into his arm. "Holy shite y'are built lik'a brick wall," she breathed.

Lex came up to his side to see what Clark was staring at, and he stopped, too. Just looked, for a long moment. Briefly he wondered if Lionel had ever carried him like that, so carefully and warmly, then realized that it really didn't matter. This is what he was going to see, in a few months, when his sister was born, and he smiled softly.

Clark looked over Andie's shoulder at Lex, and just...he smiled. He smiled without feeling the pangs of sadness, without jealousy or hatred. He just smiled, because if their were two men on the planet who deserved more than himself and Lex did, it was Lionel and Dominic. He smiled again, softly, watching them as they stopped to share a kiss, Dominic breaking away midway laughing, and Lionel shifting the baby.

And it worked. In some weird, weird way, it worked, and he loved that.

Of course, he didn't get to love it long, because he was being bustled into the kitchen, Lex dragged in after him, by Gran.

"Hallo, hallo laddies! I'm hopin' you've brought your appetites and a change of clothes, then! The games to start in an hour or so, indeed."

Lex held up the bag. "I've got clothes for Clark and I here, and Clark's got the ones for Dad and Dom."

"I think they're confused and overwhelmed, but they'll get over it and I gotta find Uncle Jer and GRAN! Shayla said to give you her love, and that Lindy's sendin' ye lilies fer tomorra!"

"Alright, Penelope, take a breath, dear." She pet the girl's shoulder, smiled, and took the bags from the two boys. "Well, then. Go on and have a walk with them, dinner will be starting in a half an hour." Gran peeked out the window as the shrieks and yells and voices all but boomed from the main room, and she sighed at the two of them, even as her lips twitched. "Seems their snit is over."

Penelope did take a breath, grabbed two cookies from an uncovered tray nearby, and shot out of the kitchen before Gran could pop her for it. She crammed one in her mouth instantly, swallowing it down in a few gulps, and she held the other one safely for Jeremiah, as soon as she could find him, that is.

"Holy Christ," Lex said, watching the girl pelt out again. "Do not let her have any more sugar today. At all." He sighed. "I didn't know they were snitting, but at that, I'm glad that it's over." He let his forehead drop on Clark's shoulder.

"Indeed. Morgan's been in a horrible mood...that is, until Lionel showed up this morning." Her lips twitched again, as she finished folding the crust on the pie, and booted them with a hip. "Out! A half hour!"

Clark nodded, gave a grin, and squeezed his lovers waist as he slid past the various people in the big room who were still shaking their hands and slapping their backs. Clark smiled at all of them, set Andie down to go run, and stepped out into the cool, very NOT claustrophobic, afternoon.

Lex braved the main room again, being shuttled off and directed through the throng of people hand to hand as he sought the little coat room, and put the black duffel bag containing his and Clark's clothing in there. He took a deep breath, and rather than face the thronging hordes again, Lex slipped out the front door and skirted the building, sliding in through the gate and ending up in the back yard, where there was a chalk-drawn field laid out, and he waved his arm at Clark, his father, and Dominic.

"Coward." Clark murmured, lovingly, and rolled his eyes as he sidled up next to Dominic, and gave him a sideways hug. "Hey! Didn't know if you'd survived the morning, after the ear splitting scream this morning."

"Hallo, Clark." A snicker, as Dominic gave him a tight squeeze back. "Believe me, I don't know how there's still paint on the walls."

"Dad was a bitch for running the hot water," Lex said with a glare. "And if he weren't holding a baby, I'd kick him in the shin for waking me up." He waited in line for his Dominic hug, and glared playfully at his father.

Lionel's shoulders shrugged gently as Marina was still asleep on one of them. "All I did was attempt to make breakfast, and suddenly, there's mayhem and rebellion all around."

Dominic blinked at Lex... grinned, realized what he'd wanted, and tackled Lex with huge, melodramatic, hugs, wailing like a sobbing actress all the while. "You like me, you REALLY like me!"

Clark covered his mouth, giggling, and looked from his lover to the sleeping baby, which he gently touched with one fingertip. The softness was a jolt, and a thick layer of sadness clouded him, though he smiled, gently, at the little being in Lionel's arms. "She's so pretty."

"Isn't she? I imagine she's what Dominic's children will look like." Lionel just gave a grin.

Lex returned the hug with a glare at his friend, and stuck his tongue out. "Yes, I like you. Don't rub it in." But he squeezed back just as firmly.

Dominic squeezed, grinned broadly, and poked him in the ribs as he let go to clasp Lionel's fingers again. "I hope you blockheads brought our clothes out with you."

"Don't look at me. I just picked 'em out. Clark's transportation, he's the strong one. He hauled your damn clothes from home to here." He elbowed Clark in the ribs, then rubbed it. "Ow."

Clark gave a wicked sneer his way, before he caught site of something over Lionel's shoulder. Two Dominics, and a flair of pink girl, were chattering and yelling over football points, and Clark just shook his head. "That's something I won't ever get used to." He glanced at what would be his father in law. "You were cloned, Dominic, I'm certain."

"Braaaiinnsss!"

Lex choked. "I agree. You were cloned, Dom. There's.... just way too many of you."

Lionel just reached out and petted his son's shoulder. "Don't worry Lex. You'll get used to it."

"Then I won't get used to it. I've counted six so far." Clarks amusement came in spades, as Dominic glared at him. "At least our skinny, short version is easily recognized."

"He-eey!" Dominic glared, sniffed regally, and lifted his chin.

"Yeah, but that won't always work; check out the ones with the Shayla-double. They're goateed and skinny too, and they look like Dom."

"HE-EY!"

"You're right." Clark pursed his lips, tipped his head. "Short, too."

Lionel leaned forward. "There's three of them, that are triplets? Dominic is the fourth triplet of the group. The only difference is their clothing, so I suggest you memorize whatever you brought along for dear Dominic here, because that's going to be your only hope of locating him."

Lex examined where Clark was pointing. "Yeah, they are kind of on the short side, too."

"I can see that." Clark glanced up at Lionel's slightly offbeat words though, and his lips quirked into a grin, ignoring the fuming Dominic. "You mistook one for Dom, didn't you?"

"Honestly. You barbarians."

Lionel nodded. "Mmm. Indeed I did. I believe it was... Joseph, he said, that I mistook for Dominic, but when you see them up close, you will realize why. They look nearly exactly alike, down to the voice and the accents."

Lex just lost it with snickers and gales of laughter at his father's admission.

Dominic glared, and thunked his lover's arms. "You right bastard. Haven't I been in your bed for the last year and a half? Haven't I blown you for fifteen years before that? You'd think you'd remember the face and voice of the man you love!"

"Lover's quarrel, round two." Clark muttered around the grin he was trying to smother.

"You go and stand beside Joseph, look in a mirror, and tell the two of you apart."

Haughty sniff. "Bastard."

"I am not ashamed to admit that you all look and sound alike to me. Even Joseph admitted it, and as such? I am validated." Lionel kissed his lover's cheek carefully. "I'm going to return Marina to her mother, before she thinks I've abducted the child."

Another sniff, though a little grin tugged at Dominic's lips through his teasing indignation. "Harrumph. I'm going to go see if the field is ready."

"Don't let that little cousin of yours take hold of you too long; I want you back and unmauled, do you understand?" He kissed Dominic's temple again, and then wandered off in the direction of the kitchen.

Lex had just fallen on his ass laughing, great huge gales that was making his stomach cramp. "Oh, Christ. Clark, I think I could tell YOU apart, even if there WERE about a hundred and fifty of you!"

"Damned if I don't know. That little womp." Dominic sniffed again, haughtily rolling his eyes, sniffed again, and flounced off towards the pink demon and Jeremiah.

Clark was choking on his own giggles, as hard as he was keeping them in, and let his dimples wink.

Lex was flailing around, and pulled himself up by a tight grip on Clark's arm. His smile was wide, and he was still giggling from second to second. "Come--come on. We've got... something to take out... before I start running around like a moron on the football field."

Clark's eyes, big and green, widened even more, as he looked at his lover. Oh. Oh. The scent he knew he'd find was absolutely mouth watering and he purred, softly, nuzzling his lover's throat as they began to walk.

Lionel, now free of his baby burden, caught Clark's shoulder as the two young men started to wander off. "Don't take too long, Clark, we're about to start eating and I'd hate for you to miss dinner."

Clark's blush deepened. Hotly. He was about to… well... lick at something until it gave way, and his cheeks were positively flaming as he buried his face back into Lex's neck, grinning into smooth skin. Then up… and his eyes danced. "Kay."

Lex gave his father a glare. "We're not going to fuck, Dad, just make out for a while in the coat closet."

Lionel held out his hand and shoved his son and Clark in towards the house. "Go. I do not want to hear another word about it, and I do not want to have to explain to Dominic's family why there's little white spots on the coats, understand?"

Clark groaned in horror, amusement, and giddiness even as he shook his head at Lionel. "Not that. Removing unpleasant toys from completely pleasant places. We'll be back in a few minutes, if Dominics 43 through 55 don't stop us." He jerked a head at a few of the blond men in the dining hall.

"Far, far, far more information than I ever wanted to know." Lionel just sighed, and shook his head. These two? Were almost unendurable since they'd reconciled, but he was glad of it. He'd rather have them, as he had most distastefully heard it put, fucking, not fighting.

"Unendurable, huh? You're so sweet." Another grin and he grasped Lex's hand, tugging him into the dining hall.

- = - = -

There was mud. A whole… lot of mud. It was everywhere. Almost stacked in piles, from the looks on the sidelines. A faint misty rain had fallen for a little while, and the men had roared in glee all around the room at the first sight of it. The better to play American football, so they said.

Dinner had been a spectacle. So many people, all related, and Clark had talked to a Joseph and a Joshua twice, on accident, before realizing they weren't Dominic. To his horror.

The food had been out of this world. Clark hadn't made a pig of himself, even if he sorely wanted to, but he was helped by the fact that Gran packed him and Lex a ton of food for the way home. Not that it would last the trans-Atlantic flight, of course.

But... yeah. That was all kind of at the back of Clark's mind. Because... well, there was rain. And it was wet. And the men weren't wearing any protective gear.

And they were nearly slaughtering one another.

Clark stood in the middle of the field. He was running quarterback for the Finns, because well... he could run really fast, amusingly enough, had been the observation by a Ms. Penelope Finn. So he'd been made quarterback, and he was absolutely covered in a thick, slimy layer of mud. He wore a t-shirt, snug jeans and running shoes, and even though it was barely sixty degrees, he was hot as hell. He stood up for a moment as another play ended and pushed his muddy hair out of his eyes with his forearm, throwing a grin at his lover as he did it.

Lex... couldn't believe that he'd lasted past the first play. Clark was actually playing a fair quarterback, and Lex was definitely cut to play running back. Lean, whipcord fast and not afraid to plow people under, and safely hidden behind two blond mountain-like men who were his guards. And guard they did; more like bulldoze.

Lex was still in his black clothing, preferring to save his clean clothing to change into after a cold hosing down that would laughingly pass for a shower. Clark had thankfully removed his plug, so that when he hunkered down to watch Clark's pass, he could move without having to worry about the plastic plug in question ending up in his throat.

He wished fervently for a helmet, at the least a mouthguard to protect his teeth, and rolled his eyes at the single long cake of mud that he was covered in. Literally head to foot, as the mud spatters had no hair to cake in and instead clung to his scalp and his forehead.

I hate this fucking game, Lex snarled to himself, but dug in, as best he could, and glared all around, not just at the opposing team, but his teammates as well, the little blond girl laughingly dubbed assistant coach, and finally, to his father sitting smugly on the sidelines, and Lex flicked a handful of mud towards his father's perfectly-coifed appearance.

Dominic, crouched beside Lex, guarding and waiting for the next pass, snarled. His lip had busted open again, though he'd rubbed the rivulet of blood away without thought. His ribs ached, his hips were certainly bruised, his knee was screaming at him, but he didn't care. He was having the time of his life. Lionel was watching, cheerfully, but that was alright. Dominic was coming after him soon as he could, to muck him up just as much. He gave his lover a sweetly sickening smile, winked, and turned back to the game as his cousins yelled off the countdown.

Lionel saw the handful of mud being flicked his way and tried valiantly not to laugh when it landed yards away from him. He returned the smile from his lover, and made a mental note to hide behind Gran as soon as the game was over, because he had no intention of getting mud all over him.

Lex shook his head and tried, for the fifth time, to clean his head off, but only succeeded in mucking the existing mud already there, and gave a sigh as he snarled at his lover again, and nodded. Throw the ball to... the blond there, in the red shirt, and he'll run it until he's about to be tackled. When he throws it, I'll catch it and run it behind Dominic and... fuck, Thomas?... whoever the hell it is.

Got it. Yeah, he's Thomas. Or maybe Adrian? I don't remember. Dominic's fucking fast for a little guy. Ready? Hut! was yelled and Clark caught the ball, backing up for a moment as a flurry of blond, muddy men starting running. The earth all but trembled with their pounds, yells and curses flying from everywhere, and Clark hurled the ball not nearly as hard as he could, to Lex, as smooth as glass. "RUN YOUR ASS!"

Dominic took off. He knew what Lex and Clark were about to do and followed directly, elbowing and stampeding his way through a crowd like a marble through dominoes. he yelled curses and got Lex a clear passage, only to be tackled from behind and fall face first into the mud.

"FUCK YOU!" Lex yelled back, jumping up to catch the ball and then tuck it under his arm, just like Dominic had shown him.

And then he ran. He ran, just as hard as he could, down the line that Dominic had just cleared, and he was only a few steps away from the goal line when he was hit from the side by a blond freight train.

But he held onto the ball.

He just lay there in the mud, blinking up at the face staring down at him, and groaned.

"Bloody brilliant!" Joshua roared, cackling wickedly as he half sat and half sprawled over the little Luthor kid, before giving a whelp and getting slammed onto by someone. "Fucking hell! OW!"

"Sorry!" Castor blinked, blushed, and rolled over into mud as the players broke apart, a small fight broke out and was stopped near the sidelines, and the women watching cheered. He blushed, mightily, yanked Joshua up, then leaned down for Lex's hand. "Aye, boyo, you're a bit of a strong one there! Look, you've got six feet to go till the touch down. Next play, eh?"

Lex oofed hard as a second person piled on top of him, and if he thought really hard? Lex imagined he could feel his spleen oozing out of his ass. He pushed ineffectually at the brick walls until they moved, and one was already blathering about the next play. "The next play I make is going to be one by Shakespeare," he groaned, but held his hand out and let the blond man pull him to his feet. He endured the back slapping cordially, and stopped beside Dominic, where he was still flat on his back. "Get your ass up. If I don't get to rest, neither do you." He nudged Dominic's shoulder with his foot.

"Ow." Bubbled from the mud, as Dominic stared up at his step son for a moment. "I think I've swallowed my left lung, after it came up and tried to choke me."

Clark was all white teeth. He was packed with dirt, filth, sweat and mud, the sticky stuff covered with yanked up grass, and the only show it could actually be removed were the rivulets of sweat rolling down his temples.

He couldn't have been happier. "You were awesome, Lex!"

"Don't touch me," Lex snarled. "My appendix is deciding whether or not it wants to rupture." Lex nudged Dominic's shoulder again with his feet. "They're planning the next play. Either get up or they're going to run you over."

"Fuck I'm too old for this." Dominic grunted, even as he rolled over and popped up to his feet. He pushed his muddy hair off his forehead, rubbed his nose dry with a sticky forearm which did nothing but smear worse, and peered out at his cousins as they joined them. "Last play. We'll so win. Always do."

Lex glared. "We've got six feet to go. Give me the ball, I'll run a foot, trip, and stick my hands with the ball in them in the end zone. We'll win, and hopefully, I won't get tackled. Or sacked. Or what the fuck ever it's called." Another little glare at his lover. "I won't forget you talked me into this, Clark. I won't."

"Okay!"

Clark didn't hear a damn word. He was having so much fun he couldn't stand it. He gave a grin, shouted out at one of the guys on his team, and got back into position before anything else was said.

Lex just rolled his eyes. You are getting into this far too much, he snarled in his lover's head, but got back into position, screaming appendix notwithstanding, and just... sighed. "Okay. One more play," he called out. "Give it to me, you guys," he pointed to Dominic and the other blond, "clear me out a path about two feet long, and I can take care of the rest. Got it?"

The men, and Dominic, all "aye!"ed at Lex and Dominic crouched back into position, thighs burning, but yeah, grinning? Like a loon. He grinned at his cousin Joshua, grinned at Lex, and snorted as the mist began to lightly fall again. "Got it! Start it up, boyos!"

"Fucking wonderful, it's raining." Lex sighed, and looked to the passer, who was waiting to hand the ball back to Clark. "Remember Clark, give it to me."

Heard you! Cheerfully said in his head, as the Gallagher boys all crouched, and so did Clark, behind Thomas, waiting for the spike.

Fuck you too, Lex snarled.

Thomas looked around, making sure that the rest of the boys were ready, and he got down with the ball. "Hut one. Hut two. HUT!" He hiked the ball back to Clark, and made sure the dark haired boy had it before he straightened up, and plowed straight forward, making sure that the Gallagher in front of him got mowed under and out of Lex's way.

Clark backed up, twice, three times, made sure Lex had a spot, and threw the ball, just as solid weight slammed into him and sent him tumbling.

Except Clark missed, dreadfully, and Dominic leapt up backwards. Caught the ball and took off, leaping over someone full tilt and threw the ball at Lex.

"OH SHIT!" Lex's yell rang out loudly as he saw the wild pass from Dominic, and he did a quick calculation of wind vectors vs. land speed, and actually ended up catching the fucking thing three feet from the goal line.

And was faced with running like a motherfucker before he got plowed over by the four Gallagher team members still on their feet.

So he ran. Tucked the ball tightly under his arm, braced his shoulders, set them in a strong line, held one hand out in front of him in a laughing attempt to clear his own path, and hurdled over the flying tackle aimed his way. Thank Christ he'd kept working out with Phillip and kept his skills sharp; he'd be massacred if he hadn't. He was literaly a foot away from the goal line when he was hit from behind by what felt like a bull elephant. He fell forward, twisting his torso and swearing that he could feel cartilige ripping from his ribcage as he did, and his upper body--along with the football--landed just bare-assedly inside the end zone.

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

Every single one of the Finns yelled it and Dominic nearly died laughing, roaring in joy as he tackled his cousins and danced as the Gallagher boys all grumbled. "Hell! YES! Hell YES hell yes! We won, you didn't, HAH!"

Clark was doing his own dance, laughing out loud, and he walked through the people surrounding his aushna'. He heaved and helped them to their feet, his eyes dancing, and leaned down to hug his lover into standing. "You did it baby!"

Lex just stared up at his lover. "If we were married? I would be divorcing you right about now."

Clark kept on laughing, even as he was getting slapped on the back and hugged, and he grinned and held his squirmy, slimy, slippery lover close, giving him a big hug even as he yelled and jumped up and down. "We won we won we won!"

"Bounce me again and I'll disown you." Lex's arm cradled his side, and he groaned. "Christ, I think I ripped my ribcage out."

You didn't, I shared my invulnerability with you, ass. Clark grinned again, broadly, even as he was tackled by a leaping Dominic, and hugged him, tightly.

Before catching the evil look on Dominic's face, and his eyes widened, even as the falling misty rain got caught in his eyelashes. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, wouldn't I?"

"He'll kill you."

"Probably. Punishment's worth it." Dominic said it, innocently, and turned a big smile on his lover, as he began to walk towards him.

Lex still kept his arm cradled against his side, just because it felt good to do it. "Invulnerable my Luthor ass," he grumped. "That last play felt like I was bulldozed then ripped in half. and no, before you ask, I'm not going to stop him. He can suffer too."

Lionel was no dummy. No sir. He jumped to his feet, and held his hands out. "Morgan Dominic Senatori, stop right where you are." He looked around and started backing towards the open kitchen door. "I am not afraid to sic your grandmother on you."

Dominic's grin just brightened, dimples winking, as he rubbed mud out of his caked ear. "I'm sorry? Didn't hear you. Did you just say come right over here where I'm at? Want me, baby?" Several of his cousins of the female persuasion squealed and giggled, as Dominic started to run towards his lover, evil intention in his face.

Lionel sped up his backpedaling, hands searching frantically behind him for the screen door he knew was there.

The screen door that had been propped open to help air out the heat of the kitchen.

When Lionel's feet hit the threshold and found no door to support the weight he'd already shifted to push it open, he toppled and fell in an undignified heap.

Dominic ran in and tackled him, landing right on top of him, and fell head over ass twice as they rolled, cackling evilly as he began to press kisses all over his lovers face in a highly, HIGHLY dramatically fashion. Loud smooches that left mud all over his lovers clothes, face, hands, and neck, a suck at the hickey marring right above his lover's collar, and he kept right on giggling like a school boy as he made sure to smear him up good.

Lionel remained still, as martyr-like, he accepted the muddy fate his lover seemed determined to bestow upon him. "You realize, of course, that I will be having my attorneys draw up a divorcee decree as soon as you let me up?"

Dominic gave a pleased yelp as his lovers fingers tried to push him off and grinned down at him. He was straddling him, though innocently, laying over his chest as he giggled, and pressed more kisses to his face. Muddy, deliciously dirty kisses. "There. now I believe you've had the full Irish experience. Lets go home!"

"I believe I have half the island on my clothing," Lionel said wryly.

Dominic beamed, happily, and kissed his nose. Their earlier fight was forgotten, for now, and all was forgiven. Dominic...was happy. And he said it, as he kissed Lionel again, much to the fluttering giggles of the women folk, and got up off his lover, still straddling him, though only with his feet, and offered his hands down.

"You are lucky you married an old man, Dominic, or my need for vengeance might override my common sense and cause me to heft you over my shoulder and find the nearest body of cold water to dump you in."

"You snatch him up, Lionel Luthor!" Gran's finger was wagging from outside as the two of them came out. She had her boys already walking sullenly towards the river, and had both Lex's ear and Clarks ear in each hand. "Come on, now, then!"

"No!" Dominic yelled it, and turned, trying to bolt in the other direction.

Lionel's grip on Dominic's hands became steely as he pulled himself up, and he started after Crystabel. "Would you like me to throw you over my shoulder?" He asked rhetorically, dragging him along foot by foot. "I am sure Clark would help me, were he not otherwise indisposed."

Lex was yelping as Crystabel tugged him by the ear, and he was ranting about finding a shower or a hose to clean up with.

"NO! NO! That evil heathen! The smarmy bitch! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GET IN THAT WATER!"

The screams of horror were already coming from the river bank, and Dominic fought all the harder. "I WANT TO FATHER MORE CHILDREN!"

"Is it cold? That cold??" Clark whimpered as he was dragged by Gran, foot by foot, until they reached the river bank.

"Perhaps she can't, but I certainly can," Lionel said without a qualm of guilt as he pushed, pulled, and dragged his lover, by the wrists, and then, he sighed. "Shall I take you by the ear as well, Dominic?"

"Of course it is, Clark, what the fuck do you think Dominic is pitching such a bitch fit about?" Lex was still balking, as much as he could, but as he wished his ear to remain attached to his head, he had to hurry beside Gran.

And Gran? She did something heartless, but she'd be damned if they'd all track thick, gooey mud into her house. Plus? The leaches didn't like the freezing water, and she knew some of them already had some stuck to their legs.

So she just said, "Oops!" And gave Lex a shove into the water.

And as Clark gaped, did the same to him.

Lex gave a loud, shrill scream as he hit the cold water, surfacing like a shot and scrabbling over towards the river bank. "HOLY HELL, CRYSTABEL FINN, ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" He was still dripping with muddy water and getting his hands dirtier as he scrabbled for purchase on the spongy bank to get the hell out of the freezing water.

Lionel gave a very, very sadistic grin as his son shrieked, and he bodily picked Dominic up, kicking and screaming the whole while, and hefted him into the river.

In that exact moment, Dominic decided he was going to be a fat balding man, because Lionel was much too easily available to heft him up. He was yanked off his feet, literally, and before he could shout, was being tossed back into literally freezing water. He screamed underwear, turned and pushed himself up, gagging and gasping and yelling curses a mile a minute even as his cousins chittered and chattered and snickered in little shaking huffs around him.

Clark didn't feel it. He was aware that it was cold, but he had a way now to block out changes in extreme heat or cold, that was automatic.

Didn't stop his teeth from chattering, of course.

Lex got hold of a tree root, that promptly gave way under his frantic tugging, and he splashed back in the water. He surfaced again, glaring like a bastard at Clark, who was barely feeling the chill, and Lex wished, in that moment, for a pair of Kryptonite toed boots so he could kick his lover viciously in the shin without shattering bones. He settled for just glaring and then crawling onto Clark's back, legs around his waist so that he was mostly out of the water.

Lionel just stood beside Gran and smirked. "There, I think that will get him cleaned up, don't you?"

Gran smiled, broadly, nodded her agreement, and bumped Lionel's hip enough for him to go crashing into the water.

Lionel's arms flailed as he tried to catch his balance, then fell like a rock into the river. A harsh yelp that was swallowed up by the shock of cold water, and Lionel's body went limp, floating on the surface like a puppet who had it's strings cut. Water was soaking his shirt, his slacks, and the jacket he wore, trapped air pockets keeping him afloat.

Dominic laughed… then the laugh fizzled out, and a murmur went through the men as Joseph, nearest him, turned him over. Dominic pushed through them, his heart stuttering in his cold chest as he reached him, and helped Joseph turn him over onto the bank above them, propping him against it. His heart was in his throat, tightly, and he croaked around it as his fingers squeezed Lionel's chin. "Lionel? Lionel?"

Lionel's eyes fluttered open, and then opened entirely as he coughed up and expelled the cold river water from his lungs.

"Lionel. Lionel. Fuck. Clark… yes." Clark was already out of the water he'd shot out of like a bullet, and he was tugging Lionel up onto the bank as Dominic heaved himself up out of it, himself. Mud was still smeared, though sliding down his back, and his fingers squeezed Lionel's, tightly in his own, as he looked down at him. "Christ. Someone call the paramedics."

Lionel's hand squeezed Dominic's tightly.

A little too tightly.

He didn't care. He was about to have a stroke. Lionel was slack, not moving, and he was having a hard time getting breath into his lungs. "Fucking... Joshua, move! get the damn ambulance!"

"Dominic... don't. I'm quite all right," he said, with a cough again as he sat up. "Believe me."

Yeah, right. Dominic was as white as a sheet, even as Joshua dissolved into helpless laughter behind him, as did Thomas and Castro. "You're… you're not. You...what?"

Lex had scrambled up on the bank after Clark, shaking himself dry and put his arm around Dominic's shoulders as everyone started laughing. "Not... funny... Dad. Not even remotely." He glared.

"It was just a bit of a shock, going in the cold water," Lionel said, not quite smugly. "I'm all right."

Yeah, right. Dominic swallowed, hard, glared at him as much as he could, and let himself thunk down from his half squat on his knees to his butt, even as Gran bit her lip and chuckled above him. "F-fucking hell."

She giggled, and squeezed Dominic's shoulder. "Calm yourself, little teac-"

"I won't." He swallowed, hard, sucked in a breath, and glared, heavily, at Lionel, before reaching forward and boxing his ears.

Lex saw the motion in the making, read it as clearly as he could, and almost tried to stop Dominic from doing it.

Almost.

Instead, he watched Dominic's fists pound his father's ear, and just shook his head, giving Dominic's shoulder a squeeze. "I'm going to have my heart attack now, Dominic. Shall I save a spot on the stretcher for you?"

Lionel yelped, and his hands went up to cover his defenseless ears as he glared at his lover. "What in the hell was that for?" he snarled.

"You... bastard! You... faked a heart attack, knowing, knowing everything we've gone through! If this wasn't my fucking family I'd have killed you by now! You bastard! You fucking... horrid... bastard!" But he was shaking, and he felt tears clog and claw at his throat as he forced his chest and heart to stop hyperventilating.

Lionel just blinked. "You muddied me. You caused me to be dumped in that icebox runoff. I gave as good as I got, Dominic. I didn't think it would upset you so." He held out his arms. "I'm sorry."

The words, and the apology, weren't unexpected, and it only made the hard clawing at his throat worsen as he ground his jaw tightly for a half a moment.

And then he swallowed against it and crawled into his lovers lap, hugging his chest tightly to him as he set his ear against his lovers heart, listening to it beat in steady thrums.

"You said you were sorry."

He blinked again. "Yes, I did. And of course I am. If I had known it would give you a heart attack, then I would have thought of some other way to exact my revenge... like another early morning cold shower." He wrapped his arms around Dominic as he crawled in, and squeezed tightly. "I thought... you'd know it was a joke."

His cousins were snickering around him as they rose, then his step son and Clark, leaving them alone for a few minutes as the sounds increased at the house and yelling was once more the game of the day. he let his eyes close, against Lionel's chest, and trembled, softly. "Can't take jokes about you dying. Can't. Okay?" A moment. "I'm sorry I boxed your ears."

"It's all right," Lionel said, just as softly. "I deserved it for playing such a horrid trick on you."

Dominic nodded for a moment, throat tight, and looked up at him, fingers stroking through his lovers hair. "love you. Mine. No one else's. You know that?" His fingers stroked through his lovers hair, as he closed his eyes and lay his head on his lovers shoulder.

"I love you too, my little cricket." He gave a little sigh, and held him close. "I'm always yours." He slid his hands down Dominic's arm, and held his lover's hand, making sure their rings were visible to him. "As long as you tell me you want me, I'll be yours."

"Okay." Alright. He was better. He sat up again, ran his fingers through all that hair, and kissed his lovers cold lips, gently. "I love you. I'm sorry I freaked out. I'm getting soft in my old age." Whispered as he ran his fingers through all that hair, and smiled, just a little. "I wasn't joking. Ready for home."

"I know you weren't joking," Lionel said softly, returning the little kiss. "I'm sorry I played the joke on you, and you wouldn't have freaked out. We'll be going home in..." Lionel looked at his watch. It was three in the afternoon, and he sighed. "... about ten hours. That should put us back home about seven or eight Monday evening, if I've calculated time zones correctly."

"Okay." A soft smile, and he pressed his lips to Lionel's, gently, twice, three times, before rolling to his frozen feet.

Lionel pushed himself up behind Dominic, shivering once in the little breeze created by the movement of both bodies, and then wrapped his wet arms around his lover. "We'll go back to the cottage. I'll get you warm then."

"Lionel?"

"Yes, Dominic?"

"The next time you do this to me, I may have to gut you, you do understand?" Dominic glared upwards.

"Yes, sir, I understand." A solemn nod. "And I will let you."

"Good." A little smile upward again, as his fingers slid around his lover's waist. "I do love you, in case you'd forgotten."

Lionel gave a little smile at that, and kissed his lover softly as they started back towards the hall. "I hadn't forgotten. But it's nice to hear on occasion." Tight squeeze of the arm around his waist. "And I adore you."

"I know. Otherwise? Seeing Lex faint might have been fun."

Lionel gave a little cough to hide his chuckle. "I should apologize to him too, once I find him, though I rather think he and Clark will be somewhere... consoling each other."

Dominic glared at him as they walked back up to the clearing, a wave of cheers making him blush hotly, even as he squeezed Lionel's side and started up towards the house. "Home, Lionel."

"I know, I miss it too." He squeezed Dominic's hand tightly as they walked through, and he briefly leaned his head on top of his lover's.

"I meant the cottage, dunderhead." Came the amused snicker from below his lovers head, as he reached up and tapped his lovers nose. "Help me pack?"

Lionel looked his lover up and down. "Of course, but I don't think your grandmother will fit into the suitcases," he deadpanned.

 

-fin-

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