The Memoirs

CK shivered in the back seat of the plane, and pulled his cape closer around him. True to his word, Bruce had let him keep the cape, and he was wrapped up in it now, like a blanket.

Before getting into the plane he'd changed, back into jeans and flannel and boots, and the more of his suit Alfred had peeled off of him, the more shivery he'd gotten until he'd nearly set his clothes on fire trying to warm them up with his heat vision.

And his head was getting so fuzzy. It was like the adrenaline he'd been running on against Bane had run out, the last shared epiphany with Bruce about the patches and the steroid had drained his brain, and he was going on autopilot.

Bruce hadn't even asked him if he could fly, just gave him the cape like he'd promised, and told him to get in the back seat of the plane. And CK had done it, wrapping up in the cape and looking out the window.

It was dark outside, by the time they left, and Bruce was still dressed as Batman. It would have been scary, if CK hadn't been able to look under the mask and still see the human face there. He didn't know or care what time it was, he was just itching to see Kal and Kenep. He felt tired, strung out and not himself, and only Kal could fix that.

Cause Kal fixed everything.

Bruce had been silent for most of the trip. They'd crossed over Illinois and Missouri without problem, and were just crossing the Kansas state line when he glanced in the camera and looked at his plane partner. Half asleep in the back seat, and though he was used to seeing Dick's more gentle, slender features, seeing Clark, enormous and sturdily built, was comfortable for him, even wrapped in the enormous red cape.

He looked back out the window as he flew, quiet for a few more minutes as his mind worked, and finally broke the silence.

"It's been an honor working with you, CK."

CK pried open an eye as he peered up at Bruce. "Thank you, Bruce," he said softly. "Clark won't remember this, but... I'm going to give Kenep the memories, so he can give them back to Clark. He's not a bad man, he just loves his aushna' like I do." He stretched again, and curled up tighter in the cape. "Are we there yet?"

"Clark is a very interesting person. He may remember yet." Bruce answered quietly, as they cut through the clouds like butter. "Clark isn't bad, no, you're right about that, CK. If you're a part of him, he can't be bad." Then a raised brow as he looked up at his maps. "We're almost to Kansas City. We'll pass Metropolis in about ten minutes, and be in Smallville in another five."

He yawned again, and blinked. "Okay." He paused. "Try not to worry, okay? We're not out to hurt Kenep."

Bruce's throat was tight and hot, and he swallowed quietly around it. "Its a little more complicated than that, CK. Why don't you sleep? We'll be there in about twenty minutes."

He shook his head. "I can't sleep. It's too close." He shrugged a little, as though unable to explain more.

"I understand." Even if he didn't. He just kept right on flying, going over a cloud, up where the sky was beautiful, stars and moon, and though it was a little more dangerous this way, it was what he preferred. "CK?"

"Yeah?" His voice was sleepy, and his speech was starting to slur, just the least bit.

"What does it feel like to fly?"

At that, CK gave a little smile. "It's... really open. And free. Cause you feel the wind sliding over you, and holding you up, and it's warm, because the hot air rises up and it's always... warmer. And it's quiet. Because there's no machinery running, just you in the sky."

Something basic, something human, hitched in Bruce's heart. "You're very lucky. I'd give anything to fly. I know I might seem like I can with my party tricks and cunning, but that isn't flying. You're a very lucky man, CK."

He nodded. "Clark'll be able to soon. He just needs to get confidence in himself, and trust his abilities. They'll do it for him."

"Hmm." Bruce fell silent, and was very quiet for a few minutes as they flew. With a last passing glance at the stars twinkling cheerfully there in the black velvet of night Bruce led the plane down through the clouds once more, as they passed Metropolis and all of its jazz and liquor. He swooped downward, so he could keep an eye on their whereabouts.

CK looked out the dome as they passed through. "There's the club, down there." He pointed. "Lex had it shut down yesterday until he could figure out what happened."

"Which seems like a very good plan." Bruce said gently. "Hold on, I'm going to pick it up a little. How are you feeling?" He shifted gears and brought the plane up another level, letting it go faster as they cut through the sky.

"I'm tired." He rubbed his cheek like a child with the edge of the cape. "And I want to go home."

"I know that already." Bruce answered. "Is it any better, now that we're closer to the castle?"

CK shook his head. "I'll be better once I get to Kenep and Kal."

"They're waiting for you." If Bruce saw the pallor in slender cheeks he didn't say anything. "Lets call them. What do you say?"

CK nodded. "I'd like that. Lots."

Bruce carefully patched through to the mansion, to Lex and Clarks private line, and connected with the satellite overhead as he did so.

Kal murmured, softly… carefully. His skin was hot, his nipples peaked, his arousal sliding through his body like the bittersweet ache of what it was. he could feel CK, feel him getting closer, and with every movement he got closer to home, the more Kal grew aroused. He was half asleep in the bed he was sharing with Lex, waiting, and when the phone trilled between them he murmured softly for Lex to pick up, pick up.

Lex had one arm around Kal's waist, and he was already half awake, feeling Kal's arousal, and his inability to stay still. His hand shot out and picked up the phone, stroking over Kal's shoulder and hip as he answered. "Hello?" he asked softly, rubbing his thumb over the very top indent of Kal's pelvic bone.

CK perked up when he heard his aushna's voice, and he bounced a little in the seat, waiting as he shot a glance to Bruce to see if Kenep could hear him. "Kenep?"

Kal whimpered softly as Lex stroked down over his hips, shifting and twitching as he did so. He wasn't in the physical state of arousal... not yet, not yet, but his mind and his blood were roaring, and he groaned softly as he shuddered and moved, grasping the blankets close to his body.

"Hello, Lex. its Batman. I have CK here with me." Bruce said aloud to the cabin, which was on speakerphone, of course. "We're going to be in Smallville in five minutes."

Lex was smiling broadly; he'd heard the tentative call of his name from his aushna', and he leaned over. "One minute." He pressed his lips to Kal's cheek, and turned on their own speakerphone. "Batman? Thank you. CK? You in there, baby?"

"Kenep!!" His voice was louder and stronger this time. "Kenep! We're almost there, we're almost there!! Kal? Where's Kal? Is he okay? Where's Kal?" CK was bouncing in his seat like his butt was made of rubber.

Oh, God, yes, thank you Jesus. "CK?" Kal whispered, then swallowed, hard. "CK, CK, you have to come home, are you home?" His voice was marked by shivers and shudders, and his body bloomed with heat as he heard his others voice. "Baby, oh baby, please, yes, thank God, I love you."

Bruce was listening quietly and carefully as he maneuvered them across farm land.

"I'm on the way home, we're almost there, I can see the house!" He pointed down. "Big ugly stone thing that it is, but I can see it! We're there, we're almost there, Kal, Kal, are you okay? Are you all right? I couldn't, I couldn't be here faster, we tried, I'm sorry, are you okay?" Barely paused to take a breath between sentences.

"You have to come home, I'm waiting for you, you have to be here, this is wrong, you have to be here with me." Kal? Babbling? yes. Except all of the personality traits that made him Kal had already started blending earlier in the afternoon, and he felt like Clark, he felt like he was Clark and it kept going in and out because he was missing this huge chunk of him. "I miss you, I miss you so, so much."

"I'm coming, Kal, as fast as I can, I'm coming, I promise." He shook Bruce's shoulder. "Can you make this go faster? Kenep? Kenep, take care of him, we're almost there."

Lex nodded. "I am, CK. Don't worry. Be careful. I don't want to lose either of you this close to home."

Bruce had noticed the castle as soon as CK had and he was already circling it, losing altitude as the plane began to descend. "Lex, I'm landing in the back land...Riley's Field? Ripley's field? Whatever. I'm coming down in a minute."

"I saw you on the news." Kal said softly, as he rolled onto his back and barely bit back the moan, shivering all over and grasping Lex, as tightly as he could, arms around Lex's back as he snuggled in to him. "I saw you. I was so proud, so proud, CK."

"Riley's," he said absently, stroking over Kal's chest and side. "I was proud of you too, CK. I was watching you make the building shake, and they said the four of you made such a great team together."

CK kept bouncing. "Hurry, Bruce, let me out, i can jump and run, hurry, I gotta get home, please, Kal, please, wait for me, I'm coming."

Kal was nearly beside himself. He could feel his over, feel how close he was and the sudden thought that they were going to be together made him so hard he didn't know what to do with his tightened crotch. He writhed against Lex, unable to control any of what he was doing through no fault of his own. He nearly wept with joy, rubbing against Lex softly and closing his eyes as he kissed his aushna' hard, licking over his lips as he waited.

Christ, they were cutting it close. Bruce eyed the clock, carefully, knowing Lex was a mess inside the castle and though the landing wasn't what he wanted it to be, it thumped to the ground, hard, and Bruce opened the cock pit door, cutting off the phone as he did so and letting CK out. "Goodbye, CK."

Lex heard the phone click off and rubbed back against CK. "Just hold on," Lex said softly, kissing Kal's neck and throat, nibbling gently as he stroked and pushed back. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that this was for CK, and he couldn't interfere in it. "He'll be here in a few seconds."

"Bye! Thank you! Bye!" CK tore out of the plane as fast as he could, bouncing on the ground in his haste as he tore off in a blur. The corn in the field whipped down around him as he ran through it, flattened in his haste.

He tore past the gate, leaping over it and almost shattering the cement on his landing. The kitchen door was open, thank God, to let in the cool night air, and he flew through the kitchen in a heartbeat, throwing the door to the bedroom off the hinges as he landed on the bed. "KAL!!"

"CK!" Kal screamed, as loudly as he could, as he grasped his other in both arms and hugged as hard as he could. His body was almost read to explode and with an unceremonious shove he pushed Lex off the bed. He knew it was time, it was time.

He wasn't ready.

He'd spent about an hour crying heavily during the afternoon, by himself in the rose garden. It had helped. He had come to a peace with his Gods and with his world in a way he hadn't been able to, before. He had resigned himself to know that in a few hours time, he would die. And right now, right now, the terror was swallowing him alive, despite all the reasons he knew this was the right thing he had to do. He closed his eyes, as tightly as he could and grasped CK's hair in twin handfuls, dragging him down to his mouth and kissing him as hard as he could.

They rolled. Twice. Before they ended up side by side, and Kal scrambled, as he reached for Lex's hand once more time, dragging him into his arms for a tight embrace. He was so hard he was sure if he wasn't about to... do whatever it was, his cock would be bruised with the blood swelling it. He rubbed it against Lex, unable to not, as he gasped out his words. "Its time. its time. I love you. I love you so much, my knight, my prince, my king. You're everything good in my, you're everything bad in me, you're the best person I have ever known and I love you so much that their has to be two parts of me to take it all. I adore you. I love you so much. I left you and Clark something, in the office."

Lex reached out to Kal, wrapping around him and hugging him tightly, stroking his chest and breathing in the scent of his hair. "I love you, my aushna'. You... you've been a gift to me, Kal, both of you have, and you've shown me everything that I ever loved about Clark, made it your own, and made me love you for who you are, and on your own terms." He looked up at CK. "You're my angel," he said softly, and the tears he'd been fighting all night started to roll down his cheeks. "You let the part of me that's been dying to take care of you out, and you let me take care of you, and now I know that it's not because you do or don't need it, because you don't, but because you want it."

CK stayed wrapped around Kal, but he reached out to Lex, and caught his aushna's cheek with one hand. "Don't cry, Kenep. Don't be sad. This is how things have to be. We can't stay like this forever. Don't cry. Clark will be here; you won't be alone. We are not leaving you; I know what you're afraid of, Kenep, and don't be. We aren't leaving; we will be part of Clark." He turned to his other. "Don't be afraid, Kal," he said softly. "This is what we are meant to do, and how things are meant to be. You and I are meant to be one man, forever, so all good things and bad things in us are tempered by Clark and together we make the man who is deserving of our aushna'." He nuzzled Kal's neck, feeling the urgency, but he had to do something before he left. "Aushna'... I have something to give you as well, but these you must return to Clark." His hand tightened on the side of his aushna's face. "Help me; make our link stronger."

Lex nodded, his grip on Kal strong as he rubbed his cheek against CK's hand and used every bit of power available to him to broaden the link, and felt it blossom. He nearly flinched from the power of it, as it opened and amplified. "CK?"

"No, that's good." He closed his eyes, and with a wrench of his mind, he removed his memories of everything he'd done with Bruce, from leaving the mansion to coming home, and he gave them to Lex. "Hold these for Clark, he will need them." He turned back to Kal, slowly letting his hand slide off his aushna's face, and wrapped both arms tightly around his other.

 

Kal gave a harsh, wracking sob, and wrapped his arms around his other, as tightly as he could. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to but he had to, and for some reason, hearing CK be so wise, so quiet, so much like Clark that all Kal could do was hang on to him. He looked across at Lex, who was crying as well, and he wept openly as he leaned forward and kissed him as hard as he could, sloppy and wet with their tears but he didn't care. He kissed him as hard as he could, stroking over his bald head and dragging him into his embrace tightly, even as his body screamed for sex in a way he couldn't understand. "Please, please, PLEASE!" He cried, as he buried his face in CK's shoulder and shook.

Lex was reeling from the memories that had just been given to him, and he held them preciously tight. His mouth responded to Kal's eager kissing, but CK's hands pushed him back gently, apologetically. "I can't?"

"Just us, unless you want to become part of us," CK said.

Lex started forward again, willingly eager to be part of Clark, but CK pushed him back again. "No, Kenep. You cannot. You must remain here. You are our mate; we need you on the outside of us, not inside." His arms were tight around Kal's body, and he was moving to position himself over his other even as he spoke.

Kal sprawled back, no nonsense over the bed, and yanked at his jeans. He didn't know why CK was so calm and he was so completely, outrageously out of his mind, but he yanked and shimmied, his cock burning, almost purple with blood and so stiff and hard that it hurt when he yanked his jeans down. He wailed in his pleasured pain, head rolling to look at his aushna as CK pressed him back into the sheets, and he whimpered in want and ecstasy as he squirmed his hips. "You can't, have to be here for us, for Clark, I love you aushna', I love you so much."

"I love you," Lex said softly, slowly relinquishing his hold on Kal and CK both. He moved back, moved off the bed entirely because he didn't know what was going to happen. "Goodbye, Kal," he said, closing his eyes to stop the flow of more tears. "Goodbye, CK, my angel."

CK looked over his shoulder at his weeping aushna'. Goodbye, Kenep. You are always adored, he whispered softly in his aushna's thoughts, and he turned his attention back to his other.

He focused suddenly on Kal, his hands rubbing over Kal's body, stroking and comforting, petting and tearing at his own clothes until he was just as naked as Kal. "It's almost over," CK whispered softly. He had to stay calm; if he gave into the frantic urges ripping through his brain, he could seriously injure Kal, destroy the bedroom, and he didn't know what the repercussions of that might be for Clark. So he internalized it, remaining calm at all costs, as he reached down and stroked Kal's cock. "Here, let me help you. Kal, I love you." He looked down into his other's eyes. "Don't be frightened."

When Kal's eyes opened, all the tears he'd been holding behind the lids slid down his temples into his red hair, and his chin trembled hard as CK grasped him. He was so scared, he didn't know what they were supposed to do, but this felt right and oh, God. His fingers slid up into CK's hair and dragged him down for another hard, deep kiss, where he could hide his fear, even as he turned to look at Lex again. "Don't look away, d-don't look… oh, don't look away." Kal begged, softly, even as CK's fingers came around him and oh, God, he almost screamed with his pleasure. It choked off somewhere in his larynx, thank God, even as he held CK as close to him as he could, and looked back up at him. 'I love you, I love you, CK, I love you so much its scary. You're not the whiny bitch anymore, I am. Full... full circle, huh?" Terror was eating the lining of his stomach and he felt betrayed by his own body, his own need, even if it was forcefully yanking him closer to CK. "I love you. I love you, CK. I love you."

"You're not whiny," CK reassured his other, stroking Kal's painfully engorged cock. "Don't be afraid; trust in me. I know what you're feeling, Kal, I feel it too, but if I let it out, I will be a danger to you, to Kenep, to everyone here, and to the house itself. Believe me, I am scared too, but I have to be calm. You don't, it's all right for you to be scared, but don't be. Let me make you come. Just relax, okay? Feel my hand on you?" He returned the hard, deep kisses with ones of his own that barely betrayed his own terror.

Lex pried his eyes open, bringing his knees up to his chest and holding himself tightly together as he watched, his chin coming to rest on his knees as he braced his cheek against his upraised legs.

"Feel. Yes, I feel." Kal gasped, raggedly, as he rose his hips into the touch. "Can't be... just me, can't, has to be... have to be us both, CK, have to. Let me fuck you, okay? Fuck you? is that okay? Have to be together, won't hurt you, you won't hurt me, good that way, okay? Okay?" Yes, he realized he was talking in botched, one word phrases but he didn't give a shit. All he wanted was... oh God, yes, this was so good and he grunted as he reached down and stroked over CK's, hard, squeezing it tightly and jacking up and down.

CK nodded. "Yes, it's okay," he said with a hint of desperation. "Please, fuck me. But be careful and don't hurt yourself. Use the lube, make sure you're covered, okay?" He caught Kal's face in his hands as he let go of his cock. "I love you. Please be careful with yourself."

"I love you." Kal whispered, harshly, and nodded hard as he rolled up over CK's shoulders and got to is knees quickly. CK hadn't been filled, not yet, and Kal thought it proper and true to fuck him just like this. Like this, now, where it meant everything in the world. He scrambled half off the bed and grasped the lube bottle from the side table before leaning back and trying to calm himself. Time was running out, time was running out, TIME WAS RUNNING OUT and he squeezed the lube on his fingers and spread CK's thighs, spearing him with one digit, as gently as he was possible in doing.

CK shook his head. "No, Kal," he murmured softly. "You can't take the time to do this," he reminded. "You won't hurt me; make sure you're slick, and please, get inside me." His hands were tight fists as they locked against each other. "Please, Kal."

CK's gentleness, his honesty, his age, it was Clark. It was too close, they were too close, but he refused to hurt the one being on this earth who he could say, without a shred of a doubt, was his soul mate. He shuddered and pressed another finger into him, carefully stretching him as fast as he knew how, and pulled his fingers out the next moment to coat his cock with the slippery liquid. Over, down, over his aching erection.

He positioned himself... stopped.

Lay down next to his lover, and instead of taking him like that, impersonal, doggie style, he tucked CK against his chest so they were both laying on their sides. His hand came up, lifting CK's leg up enough, and he guided himself to the slick, hot entrance. "I love you, CK."

It was heaven when he breached that hot little entrance, and his eyes locked on Lex's across from them as he rolled and rocked his hips into his lover.

In that instant, Lex wanted nothing more than to close his eyes, crawl into the closet and hide, crying until the empty ache inside was gone. But he didn't; he met Kal's eyes head on, communicating as much love and as much happiness as he could with them.

CK gave a loud, guttural cry as Kal slid into him, and his body immediately clamped around the long length that speared him so deeply. He brought his hands forwards, snagging Kal's hands and lacing their fingers together as he rocked back against his other.

Kal was sure that he would have choked and died later on if he'd realized they'd almost missed their joining by three seconds. As soon as he'd breached his lover they'd overpassed it, and already there was a pull behind his navel, connecting him to his lover. He started to rock and looked at Lex for as long as he could until his vision began to blur. His body… it was strange, it was like it was melting, it was close, closer, closer to CK, closer still and they were moving but the friction... it was like coming home.

Even as his body did things he didn't want to think about, it was coming home, even as he looked at Lex, even as he held CK, even as he realized he was joining with his lover in every way possible.

Lex watched, his fingernails digging bloody crescents into his shin as he watched the two bodies on the bed becoming one. Their bodies flowed, melding and melting into one another, complementing and disappearing and turning into one person as they were joined.

CK turned his eyes to his aushna', once he realized what was happening, and he reached out, the best he could, to find Kal, and to help ease him into what was happening. To his aushna', he sent the last thought he was capable of along their link. Daphstemlin'aq, sa'lumkana aushna'.

And then after that, he couldn't think, or feel anything any longer.

And a very tired Clark lay there on the bed, his body sweating and heaving with breaths even as he his erection died, and the final transition slid into place. He couldn't seem to catch a breath, his body shivering, and his sweat soaked hair hung in his eyes even as he looked up.

The first thing Lex noticed about his aushna'?

His hair was still red. His nails dug tightly into his legs as he slowly lowered them, and he cleared his throat. "Clark?"

Clark stared at his lover. There was blood. he could see it. But aside from that, all he could feel was that he was suffering from missing time. His brain was on overload, an overload it couldn't handle right now, and he carefully set his head down on the bed and fainted.

Lex got up from the chair, wiping his hands on his shirt and leaving red trails in their wake, but he didn't care. Instead, he knelt beside his lover, raising up each part of Clark's body as he rolled him under the sheets, pulled it up over his body to his waist, and climbed into bed beside him. "Welcome back, aushna'," he said, with a quiet kiss to Clark's forehead.

- = - = -

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

If you've turned on the radio, or watched MTV, or seen a movie lately, then chances are you know that line, and recognize where it came from. You can discount it if you want--a lot of you will, just because of the source. But a lot of you won't, and it's to those people this article is addressed.

You can call me Kal. Most people that know me do. I'm not the smartest man in the world, not by any stretch. That's the title saved for my friend's boyfriend, Lex. I don't even know how to read or write; someone else is helping me by writing this down while I tell him what I want to say.

I found out, not very long ago, that I don't have very long on this Earth. In fact, by the time this is published, I will probably be gone. Forty-eight short hours. Not enough time to do everything; not enough time to experience anything. Not enough by any means.

All of you reading this, you've all got a gift. It's called the rest of your lives. You've got all this time stretched out in front of you, time to find the person you love and be with them, time to have a family, to see your kids grow up, to know that you have made a difference in the world. I thought I had that, but now I know that I don't. I took what time I did have for granted, and now that I don't have it left... I realize what I had.

It is a gift. You might think your life is crappy now; you're having problems with your parents, your grades suck, your boyfriend or girlfriend dumped you. But you know what? It's not. Those things, they're *little* things. In ten years, you're not going to care that on Friday, Johnny dumped you for Barbara. In ten years, you're going to remember when you got married, or when your kid was born, or when you got your first love letter and who it was from.

I don't want you to feel sorry for me; pity isn't the reason I'm writing this. I want you to realize what all you've got going for you. Your lives, your families, your friends, all those things you took for granted before... take a second now and be thankful for it.

You never know when you're going to lose it.

--Kal Elliot, May 2003

- = - = -

 Clark slowly moved the computer mouse over the screen and hit save. After reading what Kal had left for him, he decided that for once, Perry White and the Daily Planet could take a flying leap. He was using Kal's piece as his editorial, and his obligations be damned. If Perry pushed, he'd turn in one of his older ones.

As he gave it a final read-over, Clark hesitated over the signature, and then typed in one more line.

-Kal Elliot, May 2003.
You will always be a part of me--CK.

The sound of the master proof printing was the only noise in the office.

 

-fin-

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