The Memoirs

"Drive slower," Lex murmured to himself, cheek still resting on Clark's shoulder.

"I dunno. We've been going ninety in a sixty mile zone since then, and I think things have gone pretty good, what do you think?" Clark asked, blushing prettily at his lover and leaning to kiss his lips. "Did you really know I came?"

"Mmmhmm," Lex said, kissing Clark back and wrapping his arms around Clark's waist. "I was half-dead Clark. Not all the way dead and not blind."

"Mortifying. Thank God I'm older," Clark said, glancing a grin at his lover. "Did I ever tell you that when I found you looking for your Napoleon watch I did it, twice, in quick succession? I almost dropped the tulips on your head."

Lex snickered softly. "Why do you think I was stroking the one you gave me?"

"Bastard," Clark grinned, but nipped his lovers lower lip softly. "It was more then that. it was... I don't know how to explain it. After that, I was so... in love with you, my whole being didn't know how to let out some of the pent up joy. I had found my aushna'... I didn't know what I was going to do with myself, with the happiness."

Lex smiled at the possessive little nip, and gave a soft laugh at being called bastard. "Well... let's just say that I had my hands full at the time, just... not with who I wanted." He squeezed Clark tightly.

"Believe me. I know." His voice was a growl, and his eyes darkened. "I hated that bitch. ...Which is weird, cause she's like, downstairs."

"I wasn't that fond of her either, Clark, but like I told you at the time, not everything was about love." Lex snorted. "No, Clark. Downstairs is a pouty little child that we forgot, by the way, and thank God Dominic found her this morning. You asked me why I kept her around," Lex added. "It took everything in my power not to tell you that I was waiting for you to turn sixteen so I could fuck you instead."

Clark grinned.

Broadly.

"You were waiting for me to turn sixteen? Why, Mr. Luthor, what a show of lawful obedience."

"Hardly. I was more frightened of your father's shotgun than of the lawyers," Lex pointed out. "However, if you were legally of age, then I'd hoped he wouldn't shoot me on sight and that I would, at best, get a running start."

"You say that like I would have told him," Clark suggested, eyes dancing. "The first time was unbelievable. It was like...." his eyes glazed over. "Everything changed, everything set where it was supposed to, and it was just... I was so happy."

Lex rubbed his thumb over the back of Clark's hand. "I know what you mean," Lex said softly. "When you came to my office asking me all those questions, it was like every wet dream I'd ever had finally came true because I was finally getting you."

Clark smiled, shyly. "You were throwing off signals like locusts the night we slept over."

- = ~ Flashback ~ = -

Lex's house was just cool.

The mansion sat on its own private little hill, sprawling like a lazy lover, turrets and balconies all done in a type of Renaissance kind of architecture that Clark's budding heart loved.

Well, that and it was Lex's.

He and Lex had had... the best afternoon ever. He was sleeping over, guy thing after all, and they'd ordered greasy pizza, popped popcorn, and were guzzling Dr. Pepper like the taps were closed and they would dehydrate without it.

Clark hadn't seen any other part of the house, but Lex had taken him upstairs to a library near a nice bathroom and Lex's own bedroom, set up with a huge TV. They'd made a nest on the floor in front of it, blankets and pillows and cozy things on one of the mattresses Clark helped Lex drag from a spare bedroom, and now they were sprawled on it, Clark on his stomach beside Lex, feet swinging, watching the end of Abyss.

They were totally unconvincing aliens. They'd never be sparkly like that!

He didn't say it, of course, and just chewed on what had to be the fiftieth piece of pizza half laying down, and sipped some Dr. Pepper from his glass as he spoke. "I love Ed Harris. He's such an awesome actor--great in Apollo 13."

It was more like the thirtieth.

Lex knew this because, yes, he had counted.

He had counted the number of slices of pizza that Clark had consumed tonight.

Obsessed, Lex? You? Never. He rolled his eyes to himself as he rolled closer to Clark, drinking from his glass of rum-laced soda and keeping his eyes on the television. "Yes, he was. Ed Harris has excelled in any number of great roles, Clark, and he is the pretty much the only redeeming quality to this movie."

"I love this movie. The first time I saw it, it was in a theater... I was like, four, and could barely understand my parents, but they took me anyway. Its an awesome movie," he said, shyly, smiling at the guy next to him as his feet bopped. "I was so scared when he was sinking. I remember being blown away by them, even though I didn't get love or anything."

Lex raised his eyebrow. "Barely understand your parents, Clark? You started the teenage rebellion a little young, I'm impressed." He passed the bowl of popcorn into Clark's questing fingers, making sure their buttery fingers brushed together as he took a handful for himself.

Clark grinned as he glanced at Lex. "I didn't understand my parents cause I didn't speak English." He took a handful, enjoying the Lex-butteryness cause... well, he'd never thought Lex would indulge in wearing comfy clothes, lounging around watching movies and playing games with him all day, but he had. It had been the best Sunday ever.

"I didn't realize you'd been adopted from a foreign country," was all Lex said. "You look very... non-European." But then he turned his attention back to the movie. "And these aliens look very non-sentient."

Clark's lips twitched but he didn't say anything, popping a handful of popcorn in his mouth as the movie began to end. "They look like octopuses. Sparkly ones." He sideglanced Lex and smirked impishly. "Gee, thanks, Lex. If it helps, you look very non-hairy."

Lex just held his arm out and studied the hairless skin of his forearm. "Yes, I am."

"It's weird. Do you get cold often?" Clark asked, and all right, so what if he was flirting a little? He was allowed.

Lex gave a little smile. "Clark, I wear long sleeves when it's 80 degrees outside."

"And jackets. And wool," Clark grinned, and offered his own hairy arm to look at. "I've got my own wool."

Lex ran his fingers over the hairs on Clark's arm, and then blew on them, watching in fascination as they prickled and stood up at attention. "Yes, you do. I could shear you, sell the sweaters, and make a fortune." He blinked. "Though what I'd do with the money I have no idea."

"Put it in your endless bank account?" Clark said, eyes twinkling. he bit his lower lip when Lex blew on him, and shivered all the way up to the base of his neck, where the hair stood on end just as the one on his arm did.

Lex's eyes flicked upwards, following the trail of raised hairs, and then he stroked his fingers over Clark's wrist once before letting his arm fall. "I have between eight and twelve bank accounts," Lex said.

"I have between eight and twelve cents," Clark offered, but bit his lip again, shyly, looking down as his equipment below the belt gave an interested wriggle and stood at attention. The stroke of Lex's fingers on his wrist was heaven, and he sighed, softly, before flickering his eyes to the movie. "Hey. Movie's done. What one next?"

Lex didn't take his eyes off Clark. "The Birdcage," he said softly, but his voice held a hint of challenge.

Clark's eyes widened, the softest bit, at the open challenge in Lex's words.

He was caught.

He looked down, blushing again, the nodded, softly. "I haven't seen it. Isn't it... a-about... um.."

"Two gay men," Lex filled in smoothly. "And one of them is pretending to be something he's not."

"That's bad?" he asked, in a tiny voice, biting his lower lip tightly as he followed the way Lex's mouth spoke, the quirk of his lips, the aristocratic rise of his cheekbones, and his breath, pizza, rum, Lex, and oh, oh, oh.

Clark had been dreaming about the CPR he'd performed on Lex the day they met… the day Clark was certain he was in love with him. That soft mouth, those warm lips, and Clark couldn't help flickering his eyes to them, over and over, even as he fought to stay at Lex's eyes.

"It is when it gets in the way of getting what he wants," Lex said, just knowing that he wasn't talking about the movie anymore, but about him and Clark.

"Sometimes its hard to have what you want… there's other people to consider," Clark said, in a soft voice, his eyes flickering over Lex's face, his mouth, and he couldn't quite seem to get his eyes off of him.

And then he blurted, "I've never had sex before." And his eyes widened, in horror. At himself. "I...I.."

"I'm flattered that you feel comfortable enough to share that with me," Lex covered smoothly, putting his hand on Clark's shoulder and moving just a little closer. "I'd share some of my exploits with you, but in light of that fact that most of them have a tinge of--" unbelievable kink "--illegality to them, I don't think they're quite what you'd like to hear."

He squeezed Clark's shoulder again, and he made a promise to himself, in that moment, that he'd make sure nobody else changed that fact until Clark was ready to let Lex himself do it.

Clark wanted to have the nerve to ask Lex to deflower him. He did. But he couldn't, because, well, he didn't have the nerve. No way, not in the coldest part of hell. He didn't know if Lex was gay, or--

"Are you... um..." Fuck! FUCK! This blurting thing has to stop! "I...do you...like...I mean.."

"Am I what, Clark?" Lex just looked serenely at Clark, sipping his rum and Dr. Pepper and dialing the DVD changer to the appropriate disc.

"Um.." he swallowed. "I mean...would you be okay...if you knew I was..." What, Clark? Bi? No, he wasn't even close to bi. He was full on gay.

God, he hated being an alien.

"If you were a virgin? Clark, that doesn't matter to me." Only who takes that, and it's going to be me. "Virgin or not, you're still my friend."

Dammit.

"Yeah," he said, and gave a small laugh, which sounded a bit upset even to him. "Says you, you're not a virgin."

"You've got me there," Lex deadpanned. "I haven't been a virgin since I was fourteen."

Clark sighed. "See? You don't know what its like. Its friggin' miserable," he supplied, rolled over and sat up, defeated that he hadn't been able to ask the one damn thing he wanted to. He looked around and remembered Lex had the remote, so he moved back to sit beside him, sighing at his socked feet.

Lex used the remote to start the movie, and then held the popcorn bowl out. "I'm sure that Chloe would be happy to help relieve you of that," he said jealously, eyes flashing angrily even as he suggested it.

"Somehow, I doubt it," Clark said, miserably. "She's way too clingy, anyway." Damn that was depressing. Not even Whitney's ass had been able to detract him from his insane Lex lust, and he sideglanced at him, frustrated out of his mind.

Lex raised an eyebrow at that. "Clingy, Clark? I would think that the more obvious physical and mental charms would more than make up for the clinging factor."

"I guess. She's not for me," Clark sighed, and sprawled out on his belly again, looking at the movie. Then, "Why is "We Are Family" the gay anthem?"

"Mmm," Lex said. Were it not for his interest in Clark, he'd have pursued Chloe the first time he'd met her at the high school office, before Lana's birthday party. "Honestly, Clark, I don't know why it is, other than you can do a lot of provocative disco moves to it."

Clark's dimples flashed, and he felt a little better now, back on flirting territory. "Do you know this from first hand experience?"

"Clark... if I was ever drunk, high, or stupid enough to do disco, I wouldn't be confessing it to you, or to anyone else for that matter." Lex took another sip of his drink. "And I would have been smart enough to have the evidence destroyed."

Clark grinned. Broadly. "I bet you dance really well. You've got to, all those chicks floating around you all the time." Including Victoria Fucktwat, and he felt a little growl rumble his throat.

Lex raised a brow at the rumble. "I do dance very well, Clark. I can waltz, reel, minuet, two-step, and tango with the best of them."

"I... dance like a lumberjack?" he offered his cultured friend, and then his eyes widened into twin ovals as he watched the screen and-- "Is that a guy? Why's he wearing women's--...oh."

And he flushed purple.

Score one blush on the virgin, Lex crowed silently to himself. "Yes, that is a guy, and yes he is wearing women's underwear."

"And… a wig. I didn't know... I mean, I did know, but... transhestates?"

"Transvestites, Clark, and in some cases, it's merely fetishism," Lex explained calmly.

"Fetishism? What's that?"

"Something that I'll explain to you when you stop blushing when you see it," Lex teased, putting his hand on Clark's knee.

Clark blushed all the harder, smiling under long lashes and looking back up at the TV. "Meaning never?"

"Meaning never," Lex agreed, keeping his eyes fully trained on Clark.

Clark sideglanced him out of the corner of his eyes, flushing all the harder, and squirmed a little. Could it be because his cock was hard as rock? Survey says yes. "I know...about sex toys, and all." Not. "And... you know. Kinky… stuff like that."

"Mmmhmm," Lex said, amused out of his mind. "Of course you do."

"I do!" he said, indignant, and sniffed.

Lex just patted the knee his hand was resting on. "Movie," he said. "We can discuss sex toys later." Perhaps when I'm using them on you after I've fucked you blind.

- = - = -

Clark groaned. "No, you did not think that. No way. Oh, God, if only I'd known how close I'd come to a fuck! I was dying at the time," Clark grinned, into his lovers throat.

"Oh, yes, I did think that," Lex said, grinning into Clark's neck as they sat against the little cabinet full of toy cars. "I thought a lot worse than that too, especially when I woke up curled around you with my cock pressing into your ass. It was... you were lucky to walk out of there with your virginity intact."

Clark grinned, broadly, and nuzzled his lovers throat.

- = - = -

Lex using the word 'sex toy' was nearly enough for Clark to lose his load right there, where he was sprawled watching Robin Williams do a shimmy. Yeah. He totally ignored Lex's eyes, his hand, his body.

Hard? He was hard as stone.

And Lex was perfectly aware that he was being ignored. And he took full advantage of it, leaning back on his elbows so that his head was near Clark's, his fingers barely brushing the ends of Clark's hair. Their legs were stretched out together, close but not too close, just enough so that Lex's continually-cool body could feel the heat from Clark's warm body. Their shoulders were closer, almost touching.

Clark was three strokes away from coming. His throat was tight, he was having trouble breathing, his skin felt flush, and he bit his lower lip tightly as he watched the TV. It felt...so good, right here, and he wished more then anything that he had the balls to turn and beg for an orgasm. As it was, he didn't know what to ask for because he didn't know the first thing about sex aside from the few things he'd learned in sex ed--he masturbated like any other warm blooded guy, but he didn't... his own lack of knowledge frustrated him, and he wondered what he could possibly say to get Lex to do… something... good to him, dammit!

"I realize that in the scheme of things, you take things far more seriously than I do, Clark, but is an empty popcorn bowl really worthy of such a black scowl?" Lex asked, watching Clark intently.

"Yes, yes it is," Clark said, and sideglanced Lex... who was so close they could almost bump noses.

He burned crimson, and looked back up at the TV.

"Then I'll go and get you some more." Lex got on his knees and leaned over Clark for the bowl, so that their chests pressed together for the few seconds it took Lex's fingers to close around the rim of the bowl, and then he glided easily to his feet. "I'll be right back."

Oh. Dear. God.

As soon as Lex stepped out, and Clark heard his footsteps walk away, he grasped the side of the mattress, buried his face in the blankets, and rubbed against the sheets furiously, begging to come just so his erection would go away and he wouldn't embarrass himself. He moved his hips insistently, hoping against hope it would be fast and pleasurable, just so it would go away.

In the kitchen, Lex opened the security panel, and used the mini-cam there to switch through the feeds until he found the one in the room he and Clark were using.

He gave a wolfish grin as he saw what Clark was doing, and it cheered him immensely as his hand slipped inside his pants, adjusting his own growing erection so that it wasn't nearly as visible. He washed his hands before going to the large yellow bag of popcorn sitting on the table and refilled the bowl, then tossed the bag over his shoulder and tucked another liter of soda into the crook of his elbow.

He used his shoulder to close the security panel, and whistled as he walked back down the stairs and the hallway.

Clark pressed his face against the blankets, panting hoarsely as his cock rubbed against his boxers and jeans, and just when he thought he couldn't make it over the crest like this, he came, jerking his hips into the blankets and groaning, softly, low in his throat. He rested against the sheets, spent, sated, thank God, and he sat up quickly like a guilty kid, peering down at his pants.

Wet.

FUCK!

He stood up, quickly, grabbing the sports bag he'd brought, and ran into Lex on his way out of the room.

His eyes widened into twin spheres, and he squeaked, "Bathroom!" before escaping down the hall.

"If you wanted to change, I would have closed my eyes," Lex called after him, barely keeping a grip on all the things in his arms.

His eyes widened at the distinct aroma of sex and come in the room, despite the ventilation having circulated it almost all away, and he smiled. "In fact, Clark, I think I'll join you," Lex called. "I'm going upstairs to change and I'll be right back; you can start the movie without me because I've seen it before."

"Kay!' Clark squeaked from the bathroom, as he shucked out of his jeans and t-shirt, quickly cleaning his sated cock up, glaring darkly at it as her pulled on long pajama bottoms and a white Hanes t-shirt that was a little too small, but comfortable. He washed his face, hands, brushed his teeth, and after sighing at his mortified expression, turned and walked out, taking his bag with him and giving his cock a fierce talking to.

Lex took his time upstairs, going through his wardrobe until he found a pair of dark purple silk pajamas and a matching robe that had a glittering, winged dragon sewn around the bicep of one arm. He knew how they flattered him, and he slid his feet into a pair of black fitted slippers, and tied the robe tightly around his waist.

The deep V of the pajama top exposed his neck and some of his chest, but ended just before indecency. The pajama bottoms revealed no skin except where they swirled loosely around his ankles, and the robe covered Lex's bare arms as he moved back downstairs. "Clark? Are you all right?"

"What? Yeah, I'm in here," Clark called, slumped back in the cozy nest, snuggled with his back against thick pillows, knees raised the smallest bit as he sipped soda.

And then Lex had to come in. And Clark's cock asked, What was that about behaving?

"Oh. Nice.. PJ's, Lex," Clark said, hoping to put enough snark in the comment even when it squeaked.

Lex gave a quick model's turn as the robe flared out around his hips to show the loose fit of the legs and hips. "Thank you, Clark. They're watered Chinese silk; a friend of mine in Metropolis sized them for me and imported the silk to his boutique for me."

Clark didn't hear any of it.

He was watching them sashay around Lex's slender body.

"Oh. Nice," he said, and hoped to God he didn't sound breathless. He blushed instead and lay down on his side, facing Lex but comfortable enough to watch the movie, snuggling under the blankets in some last, vain attempt at his modesty.

"Just nice?"

Was Lex a bit put out?

Oh, yes.

Clark blushed. "Really nice. They make you look..." Sexy, outrageous, oh, God, kiss me. "Nice," he finished lamely, and blushed as he bit his lower lip. "I like it when you wear purple."

There, that was better.

"Thank you, Clark. They're custom made--they should look nice on me." Lex knelt down on the pile of mattresses and blankets, and then laid back on them, taking much the same position as he had before. "You know, I do have bedrooms in this house, Clark."

But this way we can share a bed. "This is comfortable. Unless..." Shit. "You're uncomfortable?" he said, and made to get up, pushing the blankets up and half raising up.

"No." Lex put his hand on Clark's shoulder and shoved down.

And it was like shoving iron.

"You must work out," Lex muttered. "But no, Clark, I'm fine. I just wanted to point out that it was an option if you wanted, that's all. I've slept in worse places than this, believe me."

Worst? Places? Being in a bed with him was a worst place?

Clark felt crestfallen, but he tried, as his heart threatened to break, to smile. "Whatever makes you comfortable is fine by me," he said, softly.

"Clark... what's wrong?" Lex pushed himself up on an elbow and looked over at Clark.

"Nothing," he said, and looked at the movie. God dammit, now he was sad.

Lex moved again so that he was smack dab in Clark's field of vision. "No, Clark. That nothing might work with Chloe, or Pete, or your other friends, but it's not going to work with me."

He sighed. He knew it wouldn't, but he'd had to try it, anyway. But saying it was way too embarrassed, and he shook his head, mortification in his eyes.

Lex picked up the remote, turned off the movie and the television with one click, and with another click dimmed the lights, so that both their features blurred in the darkness. "There, is that better, Clark? You don't have to look at me when you say it?" He didn't mean for his tone to be quite so edgy, but it was.

Oh, God.

He felt tears leap up in his throat, and he couldn't believe he was so upset, but he'd crushed on Lex for a year now, and Lex had basically turned him gay, and he choked out, "Being in a bed with me is bad?"

Lex blinked.

Being in a bed with Clark was so far from bad it wasn't even legal, which is why he'd suggested bedrooms. Because it was going to be a long, long night to make sure Clark still left with his virginity intact.

"What... what makes you think that? I actually find being in bed with you quite an enjoyable experience." He ran his hand up Clark's arm. "Or would if I were a less moral person than I am."

Oh. Clark's breath caught there, in the dark, and he bit his lip, tightly. "I just thought… cause you said, you've been in worse places. And I thought... I was bad. Sorry... I'm... sorry."

"Worse places than a floor. I've slept in places that I don't even want to describe." He left his hand on Clark's shoulder. "Don't be sorry. And don't ever be afraid to talk to me, Clark. If you can't, then we don't have a friendship at all."

"Yeah. Sorry... I know I'm weird. I just have...a lot of self esteem issues." But he rolled back onto his back. "Lets go to sleep… I think we're tired."

"All right." Lex moved the popcorn and empty pizza boxes, the soda bottle and glasses, and piled them all up to the side of the mattresses to be dealt with in the morning. "There's extra blankets down the hall if you need them," he said, pulling the blanket up over his shoulders as he dimmed the lights entirely, leaving just a pinprick on the furthest wall as a nightlight.

"Mmm," Clark murmured, pulling the blankets up too, feeling Lex's warm, warm body so close under the covers. He could almost reach out to touch him, and didn't valiantly. Instead he rolled onto his stomach and hugged his pillow, yawning softly and snuggling against it. "Night, Lex. And… thank you. This has been... so great."

"Yeah, it has been great," Lex said, the back of his knuckles ghosting across the back of Clark's neck as he pulled the blanket up over his shoulders. "You're welcome to do this with me whenever you want to."

"I want to." Over, and over, and over. Clark felt a ghost of skin across his neck, and he snuggled into it, closing his eyes.

He fell deeply asleep, more at peace and calm then he'd been in a very long time. The mansion was so big and comfortable, compared to his little room at home, and Lex was close, and a man breathing in his bed felt... it felt good. So good. He turned on his side at one point, cuddling the blankets against him, back pressed to Lex's side.

Lex woke up a little after three in the morning.

Not unusual.

It was also not unusual that his cock was hard as a rock and pressing sleepily but insistently against the warm, firm, welcoming ass that was pressed tightly to his groin.

It was unusual for that to be Clark.

And that was like a slap of cold water to Lex's face as he bolted upright, rolling away as quickly as he could.

Clark, even in his dreams, moaned softly in loss.

Lex took in a few deep, shuddering breaths as he scooted over a little more, barely registering the sound that Clark made when he moved away.

He gave a violent shiver in the cool castle air, made even cooler by the sudden loss of Clark's warmth, his nipples prickling painfully under the robe. Lex rested his elbows on his knees and cradled his head gently, thankful that Clark wasn't awake.

 

-fin-

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