The Memoirs

Lex couldn't categorize the way he felt when he watched his father and Dominic exit the office.  It was too obvious that Dominic fawned over his father, and it wouldn't be a surprise to the young Luthor to find out that his father was fucking the little lapdog as a way to keep him in line.

 

His fingers steapled as he pursued that line of thought, cataloguing Lionel's sudden protectiveness of Dominic and the subtle looks that Lionel had thrown to his drone.

 

His father had to be fucking Dominic.  There was no other explanation for it, and he couldn't help the small smirk that spread across his face.  Lionel and Dominic bloody well deserved each other.

 

Thinking of lovers brought his thoughts back to Clark, and he sat back in his office chair, eyes closed as his memory summoned Clark's face to his thoughts, Clark's voice to his ears.

 

"It was so quick....I saw your eyes when you hit me...It felt like a lifetime, just your eyes staring into mine. So scared....and I realized that whoever you were, I had to make it so you weren't scared anymore."

 

"I knew. I knew, I knew.  I knew, when I saw you through the windshield. The water was rushing in and you were going to drown and I could see the terrible look of...Lex, you were so blank.  I wanted to....to give you a chance to feel this..."

 

Lex's blood chilled as it ran through his veins.

 

Clark wouldn't… wouldn't lie to him.  Not… not with this now between them.  He felt his chest tightening as it hadn't in the years since his asthma had been cured.  His fingers ripped open the buttons on his collar, trying to free the constriction around his throat and he simply could not breathe.

 

"I saw your eyes when you hit me."   "I knew when I saw you through the windshield." 

 

Christ.

 

Not Clark.  He'd lowered his defenses.  Somehow he'd found a way to let Clark inside, and Clark had told him--twice--the thing that he'd denied a hundred times to Lex's face.  Lied to him about.  A confession in a kiss, and Lex's mouth grew bitter.

 

"Lex?" Coming from down the hall, cheerful and sweet, as the room was suddenly filled with large, flannel ridden farm boy. He beamed at his lover, striding forward... but something in Lex's face stopped him a foot from the chairs in front of the desk. "Lex? Everything okay?"

 

Lex slowly raised his eyes to pin his glare on Clark.  "Hello, Clark.  Save any lives on your way over?"  His voice was cold, without inflection.

 

Uh oh. He stopped cold, freezing in that way only deer in front of headlights did, his eyes wide. Something happened. "Lex? Are you....did something happen with your father?"

 

"My father and his drone are well on their way back to Metropolis by now, which is where I will be heading in the morning."

 

He set the picnic basket down at his feet for fear of dropping it, watching him as he tipped his head. "Okay... something's happening? You seem so..." He stepped forward another two steps, watching him. "Upset."

 

"Upset?  No, Clark.  Why would I be upset?  Is there something I should be upset about?"

 

"I dunno..." And this was quickly becoming the game they'd played before finding each other as lovers, way before they'd become more then casual acquaintances, if they'd ever been casual in the first place. The cool indifference, the way Lex made him feel like a small town hick with just a flicker of his eyes. "Should there?"

 

Lex's eyes were almost glacial in their intensity.  "I was just thinking about something today, Clark.  What a fleeting thing trust is."  His eyes flickered, grew even harder.  "You see, I was thinking... something that I should know better than to do by now, and yet I was doing it anyway.  And I remembered something that a friend of mine said to me recently.  Beautiful words, until I had a chance to examine them."

 

Something very, very bad had happened here, and it wasn't his father he was talking about anymore. Clark felt his full and happy heart drop into his knees, cold and terrified and if he could have he would have sweated cold. Instead all he felt were chill bumps everywhere, and he watched his lover with an increasing level of terror. "What words?" He almost whispered.

 

"It was so quick....I saw your eyes when you hit me...It felt like a lifetime, just your eyes staring into mine. So scared....and I realized that whoever you were, I had to make it so you weren't scared anymore." Lex leaned back and steepled his fingers.  "I really wish my memory weren't so good, Clark."

 

He gasped… almost tripped on the chair as he took a handful of steps back and his mind screamed in horror. He hadn't. Oh God. He'd let his secret slip in the most innocent way of all, and now it was a chasm between them, wide and agonizing and the immediate fear that he'd be cut up like a science project echoed in his head. Lex was going to turn him in, or tell him he hated him, or both and probably have him sent to some institute where he'd be in pain for the rest of his life or something worse, oh god, and he was gasping for air as he stared at his lover... his friend...his Lex in fear. He'd ruined their relationship, and he'd ruined his life. Oh, God.

 

"Nothing to say, Clark?  No more poetic words wrapped around another lie?"  Lex held Clark in place with his cold stare.

 

The mourning for Lex hit a moment later and he understood now why his mother had always warned him about being careful about his secret. It destroyed lives and things, and he'd just destroyed his relationship with the first person he could honestly say he loved. It hurt, right in the middle of his chest, and he ached to rub against it with his fist. "I'm so sorry." His words were choked and soft.

 

Lex watched nearly dispassionately as Clark's face crumpled, and he tried to stamp down the part of him that wanted to go to Clark and hold him and reassure him.  "Sorry.  You let me... you let me make love to you, Clark.  I let you inside, further inside me than anyone else has ever been before, and you let me do all this knowing that everything we had, everything from day one, was a lie." Lex's hand unconsciously rubbed against the tight bands constricting his throat and chest.  "And all you say... is you're sorry."

 

"I had to." He wouldn't beg for forgiveness. He wouldn't. He'd done the right thing, to protect himself and his family. Okay, he was very close to begging. "I couldn't tell anyone, Lex. This...its so much bigger than you think, than you can imagine. It would destroy my family's life, our farm...everything would be gone. I'd be gone. I couldn't tell you before, and once I felt I could....I couldn't, because o-of this. Of...of you feeling betrayed." And he could almost believe it, if he wasn't very, very nearly losing it and just bawling like a child.

 

"You... don't trust me."  The revelation hurt.  "I gave you mine, and... you never trusted me in return."  Bitter laughter welled in the back of his throat.  "I don't know what to say to that, Clark."  He rubbed harder at his chest, fingernails itching to dig into his skin and leave angry red welts.  Anything to distract from this crushing feeling inside right now.

 

"I do. I do, I swear it to you." He wanted to get close, to hug, but he felt like the world was crashing in around him and he was trying desperately, with no avail, to climb out. "I'll tell you, whatever you want to know, I will. Please, just let me explain."

 

Lex made an expansive gesture with the hand not rubbing his chest.  "By all means, Clark.  I'm all ears."

 

What? You're an alien from another planet? That sounded cheap even to him, but he had to try. "I'm not...not from around here."

 

"Try being a little less condescending, Clark.  You think I truly give a damn about your adoption?"

 

Stab. Straight to his heart, and it hurt more than a little. "I'm not from anywhere around here. I'm not from Earth, Lex."

 

"And I suppose your next little piece of fiction will have you landing with the meteors?"

 

"In a space pod. My mom and dad found me, and took me in, not that you care." He said it softly, nodding.

 

"You could at least be original, Clark.  You're a bit older than the meteor shower.  There's no way."

 

"You don't believe me." He nodded, scratching his fingers through his hair as his eyes shined softly with unshed tears. "I get that. I wouldn't believe me either."

 

"Why should I believe anything you've told me, Clark?  You've only lied to me about everything."  His own gaze shattered as he blinked.  "Was it everything, Clark?  Or was there some truth in anything you said to me?"  Lex realized he was casting for hope, hated himself for it, but the ache in his chest was nearly physical in the intensity, and he was almost hunched over it.

 

"How can I show you? How can I make you believe, Lex?" He begged it, but couldn't make himself walk over. Not now. Not ever again, so it seemed. "I never lied to you about anything else, never, nothing, I swear to you on my mother I haven't, please, please believe me."

 

Lex looked up at Clark, pinning him with a pain-filled glare.  "Tell me what you are feeling, Clark.  Right now."

 

His voice broke. "Pain."

 

"Can't breathe?  Can't feel anything but this... rock in your chest and your throat."

 

"Y-Yes." He whispered, and couldn't quite get himself to meet his eyes.

 

"Is this love, Clark?"  His voice was a harsh whisper.  "You said... you said you loved me.  And if we both feel this... is this love?"

 

He was crying, and didn't give a damn. He'd hurt his lover on a level he didn't think Lex could hurt on and it broke him right down the middle. "Y-Yes." He almost couldn't say the words. "Yes, i-it’s love."

 

"Then I love you, Clark."  Lex's words were broken.  "And I... I have to find a way to accept this... because I can't live like this."

 

He looked at the ground and controlled himself as best he could, and did what he never thought he'd have the courage to do. He took a handful of steps forward and held out his hand. "Let me make you believe."

 

Lex watched in silence as Clark walked to him, took his lover's hand and let himself be pulled to his feet.  His hand went to Clark's face, wiping the tears away as he laid his head briefly on Clark's shoulder.  "Make me believe."

 

"N… Nothing I could say or do would convince you. I know that, now. You work with evidence... I'm going to show you evidence." Not gonna use the superpowers, either. One thing at a time. "What's your fastest car, Lex?"

 

"The Lamborghini."  It did 110, 120 easily without raising the RPMs.  "She's... the fastest one."

 

"How long will it take you to get to my house in it?"

 

"Four minutes and thirty two seconds."

 

"On foot, how long do you think it will take me?"

 

Lex did brief calculations.  Human foot speed was 8 MPH, six miles... "About an hour, give or take."

 

"Haven't you ever wondered, Lex, how I manage to come to your house all the time, but the truck's never up front unless...unless I'm doing produce runs? Yesterday morning, when I came here with my backpack...you didn't wonder how it is I'd gotten here without even breaking a sweat?"

 

"I... no."  Which had been, Lex reflected, fatally stupid of him.

 

"All the people I've saved, how I manage to always be there when something's amiss? Haven't you said it yourself, that trouble follows me wherever I go? You never stopped to consider that I follow trouble, Lex?" He watched him slowly. "I'm not human. I'm not." Oh God. "You can't tell anyone, Lex, they'll drag me away to some government facility and rip me open, Lex, you can't, my family will be destroyed."

 

Lex slammed his arm across Clark's chest, wincing at the impact.  "Clark.  Christ.  You think... you think so little of me?"  His hand went back to his chest.  "You really think I'd turn you over to be killed and cut open and examined?"

 

"No." he said it firmly. "But the fear's been instilled by my mom. I have to cover the bases."

 

"You have nothing to fear from me on that score, Clark.  I won't... I won't let anyone hurt you."  The ache was back, doubled.  "The thought of this world without you... is frankly unbearable."

 

"Lex...I love you. I'm so sorry I never told you." He pulled him close and pressed their cheeks together, not sure how much Lex was ready to touch yet, and not wanting to push. "I'm so sorry. I was scared, but it was...it....I love you."

 

Lex wound his arms around Clark's waist.  "God.  Clark... it hurts.  Inside, in places I thought were safe... it hurts."  He held tightly to the taller boy.  "I can't live like this, Clark.  I can't go day to day hating you."

 

His chest hitched once. "You hate me?"

 

"I hate you for hurting me, Clark.  But no.  I don't hate you."  Lex squeezed Clark tighter.  "I can't.  Because if I hate you then I hate myself too."

 

He squeezed back. "I don't mean to. Hurt you."

 

"I know.  But this did.  More... more than I ever thought I could be hurt.  I didn't even feel like this when my mother died, Clark.  I love you in ways that I could never love her.  I asked you to show me how to love you, and... you showed me hurt instead.  The only thing to come out of this is now I know, Clark.  I know now that I can and do love you, and that is what I am holding on to."

 

It broke his heart. Piece by piece and he turned away, looking at the far wall as he changed the subject. "I'll race you."

 

Lex turned Clark around to look at him.  "Give me your hand, Clark."

 

A brief hesitation, and he held out his hand.

 

Lex took it between both of his own.  "Look at me, Clark.  Look me in the eyes, as you touch me... and tell me.  If you can do that... then I will believe you."  It was his only offering of trust that he could give now.

 

It hurt to look at him, raw honesty and strength reflected back from those deep blue chasms, but he held on and spoke through a raw throat. "I'm not human. I'm an alien. I have gifts that I use to help people… and I love you. I just a-ask that you don't look at me differently, now. Please."

 

Lex's grip on Clark's hand never wavered, nor did his eyes even though they showed shock, brief flares of anger, and finally acceptance.  "I... believe you, Clark."  He kept Clark's hand in one of his own, touched Clark's cheek with the other.  "Whatever you are... you're still... Clark.  You're still the person who saved my life, still the man I... love."

 

"You're not sure anymore though, are you?" And he'd thought his heart was broken before. "I'm not the Clark you know, I'm not the same boy you thought I was. I'm a freak, someone who just by existing has taken away your very solid reasoning that we are alone in the universe. You look at me and you know I have strength that's almost unimaginable. You'll be scared to have me touch you, won't you? All that alien strength in a body from thousands of light years away. I'm the incarnation of your every fear come true, and through some twisted side of fate, you love me. Believe me, Lex, I dealt with this same thing when my grandparents found out. They're scared of me...and now you are, too."

 

"I never believed we were alone in the universe, Clark.  Am I afraid of you?  Yes.  But not... not because of this.  Because I'm afraid that you could hurt me again.  And not physically.  I gave you that power, Clark."  He dropped Clark's hand only long enough to pull Clark against him, wrapping his arms around the boy and holding him tightly.  "Touch me, Clark.  Put your arms around me and hold me."

 

He did, shaking as he spoke because he wasn't done, no, and maybe this was the reason he hadn't told anyone. He was a teenaged boy who wanted to fit in, and with what he was... "I have organs inside that no one else does...I go through this very strange two weeks every year where I shed all my skin. My eyes glow in the dark when I'm happy. I can punch through walls and I can run at the speed of sound. I have X-ray vision...in fa-fact, I'm looking at your boxers right now. Interesting pin in your knee, Lex, when'd you get it?" His voice was darker, gruffer as he presser tighter. "I will hurt you again, again and again because I'm a fucking freak of nature. I'm not even natural. I'll probably get you killed, Lex."

 

"I got the pin four years ago, after I woke up in a back alleyway in Metropolis with a broken leg.  I still don't know how it happened."  He clung to Clark, the anger from before metamorphosing in the face of Clark's own pain.  "I want to see your eyes glowing because of me... I've never seen them glow before."  He pressed a single kiss on Clark's cheek.  "I don't care about your shedding skin or anything else.  We'll take it as it comes, deal with it together and talk about it later because that's what we do."  He turned so that Clark couldn't avoid looking him in the eye.  "You will not get me killed, Clark.  Because every time I've been in danger you have saved my life.  And you always will."

 

"Bu-But the time will come when I can't, Lex, and what then? How can I keep on going without you?"

 

"There will never be a time when you can't protect me, Clark."  Lex spoke softly, confidently.  "I... God.  I believe in you."

 

That was it. Key words that brought his arms tighter around him, hugging him tightly to him as he finally let something go inside of him. A tiny sliver of the weight on his shoulders chipped and fell off, and for the first time in a long time he felt light as a feather. "Thank you...thank you, Lex."

 

"You don't have thank me, Clark."  He moved closer.  "I'm not afraid of you.  You see this?  You're touching me now... no fear."  He slid one of Clark's hands to his chest, over his heart.  "Feel that?  Still beating."

 

He took Lex's own hand and led it to his own chest, only higher up, nearer his collar bone, where a beat pulsed strong. "I'm terrified of you." He murmured it, nodding softly. "In a good way."

 

Lex moved his hand, kissing the spot where the strong beat thrummed under his skin.  "Don't be.  I don't want to scare you, good or bad.  I swear to you, Clark... I will protect you, too."

 

And he did something surprising. He swept his lover up under the arms, hauling him in close as he hugged tight, burying his face in his throat. "You are an amazement to me. You are. I should have told you sooner....and I swear to you, I won't ever keep a secret ever again. Ever."

 

Lex played silently with the silken strands of Clark's hair.  "I believe you, Clark."  He wrapped his arms around Clark's neck.  "We'll... have to talk about this later.  The details.  Everything else... but later.  Not now.  Now... now is just for us."  He held Clark tightly, touching his neck and hair.  "Now is when we love each other."

 

He smiled a little though he couldn't quite manage it, and indulged himself in the way his lover held him. It was his favorite... it made him feel safe and secure, warmed and loved. "I brought...the picnic basket. I....we were gonna..."

 

"We still can, if you want to."

 

Or so his lover said, or was trying to say, as he ducked down and pressed his lips to his. Soft...warm, chaste. Wet and smooth as he licked Lex's lower lip, winding his arms around his waist.

 

Lex returned the sweet kiss, parting his lips slightly to steal just a taste of Clark's tongue as it swept over his bottom lip.  "You can touch me any way you want to," Lex whispered, feeling the arms winding around him.

 

He did, gently placing his fingertips on the warm face, tracing the lines of his face and murmuring very, very softly. "Can we just...cuddle for a while?"

 

"Of course.  Do you want to go upstairs?  Lay down where we can be comfortable?"  He stroked Clark's hands encouragingly with his own.

 

He nodded a few times, grasping the stroking hand in his and interlinking the fingers tightly. He let his lover lead him, watching him move for a moment before he murmured, "You're half out of your mind with questions, aren't you?"

 

Lex squeezed the fingers grasping his own, and let a small smirk grace his lips.  "Half?  No.  Maybe a quarter."

 

He couldn't help the answering smile, moving up the steps with him as Enrique walked by on the lower level towards his little office, and Clark watched him with interest for a moment before back to Lex. "Ask them. I can answer most of them."

 

Lex shook his head.  "Not now.  When... when we've both had a chance to stop acting on emotion... then I'll ask.  And I will, don't doubt it."  Lex kicked open the door of his bedroom, and tugged Clark towards the bed.  "Off with the boots."  He toed off his own shoes, and rolled into the soft mattress fully clothed.  "Just... let me assimilate everything, Clark.  And then... when I know what I want to ask... I'll ask."

 

He nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, untying his boots slowly. A kick, and they were both off and with a roll he was pulling Lex in, curling up with him, forehead to forehead. "Just wanted to reassure you that I don't have tentacles. Or anything."  A pause. "Oh! But wanna see something kinda cool?"

 

A shaky smile, and an attempt at humor.  "According to some things I've seen on the internet, interesting things can be done with tentacles."  He paused.  "Of course I want to see it."

 

"Don't be freaked out."

 

"I think my freaking out factor has been sufficiently exhausted for the night."

 

"There's this thing...Earth is weird. Its very gravit-y, and that's not normal for other places, I don't think. But...okay." He paused and closed his eyes....evening his breathing out for the space of several moments.

 

And he floated.

 

Just a few inches, of course, but he hadn't even told his parents about this and he'd rather not. Their only son, flying? Think not. His mom would lecture him on airplane routes, and it was something he'd rather not have to ask anyone about. ‘Hello, is the airway clear? Clark1 on the move.’

 

As soon as he opened his eyes he fell with an oomph, the bed shaking for a moment until it supported his weight again.

 

Lex watched in amazement.  "You... you can fly."  He touched Clark.  "I... when I died I flew.  You... you can fly."  He wrapped his arms around Clark's waist.  "I always knew you could fly, Clark, I just... didn't know it was literal."

 

"Not...not really. But I can control it a little. It usually just happens when--...." His face flushed a bright crimson. "Yeah! I mean, I flew kinda cause you hit me, but...all...all those things are true, Lex. The stuff about seeing you in the windshield...that was the worst feeling I've ever had...worse than… than tonight."

 

"When you're happy?" Lex supplied softly.  "And Clark... thank you.  For letting me have my tantrum.  I need you in my life.  I won't ever make you feel that way again.  You have my word on it."

 

"Yeah." He murmured softly, and stroked his thumb over his hand. "I lied. You had every right, and you know it."

 

Lex picked up Clark's hand and kissed it.  "I should never have doubted you, Clark.  You've... you've never given me a reason to.  You've always been as truthful with me as you could be."

 

"Except for the whole part where I can fly and run real fast… which, you know, big thing."  A pause. "Lex?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Let's forgive and forget...okay?  It's behind us now...important lesson we've learned."

 

Lex gave a half-nod.  "Forgiven already, Clark.  Forgetting... is harder for me to do, you know that.  As a Luthor... I tend to not forget things."  He grimaced.  "Which, coupled with the fact I know now that I can't live without you, is the best reason I've heard to change my behavior."

 

He smiled at him and nodded, stroking his hand softly before he brought it to his lips, pressing his mouth to the palm. "Lex....I don't mean to change subjects, but...how'd things go with your dad?"

 

Lex turned so that he was spooned against Clark, bringing the boy's arm around his waist.  "Not well.  But for once, it wasn't his fault."  He sighed.  "Someone broke into my father's office and stole some confidential files.  My juvenile records, to be precise.  When Dominic came this morning, he came to take my copy of the files to my father, and tonight... there's nearly sixty counts on my record, and the thief wants fifteen million per count."

 

He wound his arm tightly around him protectively, frowning into his neck at the words. "Do they know who it was?"

 

"We have some ideas, but nothing confirmed yet.  The main suspect is Roger Nixon; Dad's having him checked out as we speak."

 

"Lex?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"What's the deal with Dominic and your dad? What's Dominic do for him?"  Bwa. Perfect way to distract him as he started thinking over ways to get in touch with Roger.

 

Lex snickered.  "Your virgin ears shouldn't hear the things I think Dominic Senatori does for my father."

 

He smiled into the warm skin, curling in closer before he pulled the quilt over them and cuddled them up. "'m not a virgin anymore, Lex...member?  Kinda, anyway."

 

"Clark, can you say the sentence... 'Blow me, cocksucker?' without blushing?"

 

He gasped and buried his face into Lex's back, blushing a furious red at the mere suggestion of it. "No way. You're lying."

 

"I'm sure if I tried hard enough I could dig up visual aids.  But I truly don't care to see my father being serviced by his drone."

 

"The few times I talked to him, he seemed nice." He murmured softly into a warm back.

 

"Nice… yes.  That's definitely one word for Dominic in his ass-kissing mode."

 

He smiled again, pressing his lips into his lover's neck as his body relaxed against the blankets. "Lex...you ever wish you had hair?"

 

"Maybe once, a long time ago.  Before I realized what a gift it was.  And... sometimes a curse.  Nobody looked past the label of 'freak' to see what I was really doing to them."  Lex trailed his fingers over the backs of Clark's hands, thoughts in turmoil but surprisingly calm.  "That quickly became something I used to my advantage."

 

Again, another soft, chaste kiss against the back of his head, nodding slightly. "I can see that....but I was just wondering. Sometimes I think your dad keeps his so long just to spite you."

 

Lex laughed until it hurt.  "You're not... the first... to think that," he wheezed out.  "But... it was long before the meteor shower.  He just... lets it become more majestic because he thinks I give a damn."

 

He was grinning as he propped himself up on an elbow to watch his lover laugh, shaking his head with a chuckle. "It's majestic, alright." He paused, tipping his head. "Was he nice to you when you were young?"

 

Lex turned so that he was on his back, grinning up at Clark.  "He was, actually.  Or, as nice as he allowed himself to be.  I remember once... a couple of years before the meteor shower.  He had been gone on business to Tokyo, gone almost a week.  And I wanted to wait up for him and see him when he came home, but I fell asleep in his chair by the fireplace."  Lex closed his eyes for a moment.  "I woke up... I don't know how many hours later, still in Dad's chair.  Only he'd picked me up and set me on his lap and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders.  He was just... watching me sleep."  Lex shook his head slightly.  "My mother's death changed all that."

 

His lips turned down a little and he stroked his lovers face with the back of his fingers, watching the emotions play so easily across his face. "Did he care about her?"

 

Lex's eyes still didn't open and he turned his cheek into Clark's caress.  "I think he loved her more than I did."

 

"Then why...." He was prying, and it was hurting his love, so he quieted for a moment as he tried to think of a good way of putting it. "You don't have to talk about it...if it makes you sad."

 

"I don't mind, Clark."  Quietly, very quietly.  "Why what?"

 

"Why did he push you away, after? Why didn't he..."

 

"Why didn't he love me?"  Lex shrugged, finding it easier to talk with his eyes closed.  "I don't know, Clark.  I ask myself to this day.  Sometimes, I think he hated me for reminding him of her.  Or maybe he was afraid to love and lose again.  Or maybe... I just wasn't good enough to be loved by him."

 

He frowned at that and gently stroked his lovers face, the other hand laying lightly on his side...hand rising and falling with each inhaled breath, as every ounce of pain seeped into Lex's voice. "Do you wish she were still here?"

 

"Every day."

 

"I understand." He nodded it, because he did, in every way possible. "I think I would have liked to meet her."

 

"She would have liked you, Clark.  I'm sure of it.  You're... you're the kind of person I think she would have wanted me to turn out to be."  Lex moved closer to Clark, bringing the hand on his side around so that Clark loosely held him.

 

"Except...except I feel I have met her. Through you, Lex. You are the product of her love. You're the product of your fathers love, too, and you know that." He held him a little tighter, bringing him into a warm alignment against him, and gently cradled the naked skull with his fingertips.

 

"I wish that were the truth, Clark.  The truth is I'm a product of my mother's love and my father's twisted upbringing and ideals of the perfect son, and unfortunately... I think I ended up letting them both down."  He clung tightly to Clark.  "I don't want to let you down too."

 

"You haven't." A shake of his head. "You never will. Okay, well," His voice was amused. "If you blow the world up or something I think I'll be a bit upset, but other then that, hey." He looked up into his eyes. "You're you. And you're doing the best you can. We all are, Lex...the true state of being is being as good as we can for everyone else, because you never know. Helping the lady with her bags of groceries across the street may someday save your life. You just...you never know."

 

"Or standing on a bridge and waiting for a maniac in an expensive car to plow over the railing?" he asked softly.  "Do you know the damnedest thing about everything, Clark?"  He laced his fingers through Clark's seeking strength and somehow finding it in his lover's touch.  "I would do anything if he'd just love me again."

 

"Want to know something?" He murmured softly, grasping the fingers tightly in his and he led them to the center of their chests, holding on between them. "I don't think he ever stopped."

 

"The only time he's touched me in the last few years was after that entire Level Three fiasco.  And you saw just how genuine that hug was.  You know perfectly well how I feel about you, son.  The fact is... I don't think he feels for me at all."

 

"Lex... can I tell you something?"

 

"You can tell me anything, Clark."  He moved closer, seeking warmth.

 

"My dad and I had a long talk once last year...after some mutant had tried to kill us all." And he accepted, pulling him in closer. "He told me that he and his father had had a very rough relationship...it was hard for my dad to talk to my granddad about anything. He felt like you do....that my granddad didn't care about him at all, that he just lived in the house and did chores and that was it. Well...a few years ago my granddad was diagnosed with cancer...and while he lay on his death bed, he told my dad words I'll never forget. He told him that he loved him with his entire heart, that he would move the entire world for him if he could. And that he was sorry for not showing as much emotion as he should have. He loved him so much he hurt, and it scared him.  I think your dad loves you so much, Lex, that he can't be near you for fear of seeming anything other then the business savvy, intelligent, put together man that he wants to be."  A sudden blush and he shifted his eyes away. "But I'm just a country hick, so don't go by me or anything."

 

Lex was silent for a very long time as he burrowed close to Clark, ear close to the heartbeat that Clark had let him touch earlier.  "No... you're not just anything, Clark... don't ever do that again. Don't put yourself down.  You don't..."  Lex took a deep breath.  "You don't know how much I would give to have that be true."

 

"Well Lex...maybe... next time he comes around? Don't be the son he raised you to be...be yourself. Swallow...swallow your pride and tell him you love him.  When was the last time you did that?" He murmured to the top of his head, kissing the baby smooth skin softly.

 

"Honestly?  I don't remember."  He slid his arms around himself as he let Clark cradle him.  "I just... I just found out that I love you.  If he doesn't... if he doesn't say it back.... I don't know what I'll do."

 

He suddenly giggled very wickedly. "Kick him in the balls?"

 

Borderline hysterical laughter bubbled up in Lex's throat.  "That too, is something I've considered over the years."

 

"You should have. I've discovered that speaking your mind is always great...but acting on instinct is even greater."  His voice was amused and he stroked down the long expanse of his lovers back, stopping at the small and not going any further, moving back up to rub his thumb against his shoulder blade. "Plus, I'd kill to have a voice recording of the scream he'd give."

 

Lex grinned.  "Aaaah... now that's a picture I'd pay good money to see.  Lionel Luthor hopping around with his hands at his crotch."

 

"Can you imagine it splayed across the magazine covers?" He skimmed a hand in the air, saying in voice announcer guy voice, "Lionel Luthor, depantsed and deprided...what's next for the corporate cutthroat?"

 

That broke Lex's composure entirely, and he... giggled.  Something he'd never done in his life.  He giggled at that possible headline, laying his head on Clark's shoulder.  "Thank you, Clark."

 

He smiled like a child at the giggle, shaking his head at his thank you. "Anytime, you know that."  They were quiet for a few long moments, feeling his treacherous teenage body responding to the tightly pressed body against his, and fought the sensation without drawing attention to it. Occupied himself, instead, with licking the soft spot right above Lex's ear, mouthing it gently.

 

Lex shivered as Clark licked his ear, and he moved into the wet caress, arching his body so that he touched Clark's.  His thigh brushed against the growing hardness, and he slid one hand down Clark's chest, intending to gently touch his erection.

 

He caught the hand in a blink of an eye tightly...and winced a moment later, shaking his head a little bit as he exhaled softly against his lovers skin. He rolled, instead, onto his back and away, staring at the ceiling for a long time as if it held the answers to the universe.

 

Lex winced as Clark caught his hand.  "Clark?"  He moved with his lover, lying on his side and reflecting the positions that they had just moved out of.  He tried to turn Clark's head and it wouldn't move.  "Clark."

 

He rolled back, trying again, claiming Lex's mouth with his own tightly...hot, pouring everything he was into the kiss as if it was the only venue of showing his emotion. He gladly gave his heart in that kiss....then hissed as he let go, rolling up and away, to his feet. He dragged his fingers through his hair and stood with his back to Lex, staring at the door now until the inner control snapped. He fired furious, hurt eyes back at his lover, muscles tense and thrumming with energy. "Why did you tell me you didn't care about my adoption?"

 

Lex... just stared at Clark.  "Because I don't care, Clark.  It doesn't matter."

 

Oh, my god. Eyes, as wide as saucers, stared at Lex through the sheen of tears. "It doesn't... matter?"

 

"No, it doesn't matter."  Lex got up from the bed, smoothing his hand over his scalp and trying like hell to figure out what in God's name Clark was talking about.  "It doesn't matter at all.  It doesn't change anything."

 

"It..." He had to get out of here. He turned back to the door, trying to take a deep breath through a constricted chest, but didn't move a step...just staring at it again as he tried to swallow around the anger and hurt and fury. "It doesn't change anything? How...how can you say that?"

 

"Because it doesn't!  You're adopted.  I'm bald.  So what?  It doesn't matter, Clark.  It doesn't make a difference to me.  You could be adopted, you could be purple with green spots.  I just... don't... care.  As long as you are you, your adoption... doesn't mean anything to me.  You--you're the person I love.  And that's all I need to know."

 

"What do you mean it doesn't change anything?" He turned back to him in fury, not hearing the words of love because they shielded the truth behind it. "You don't care that my parents gave me up, that they didn't love me and sent me out into space with a fucking meteor shower and through some miracle of God I ended up here in my mom and dads arms? You don't care that no one wanted me when I was born? How can you say that? How can you stand here and talk to me about your parents not caring about you, and then tell me my adoption doesn't matter to you?" With each word his fury and hurt grew, so much so that his face was stone and his eyes steel, his body hard and tight and his fists clenched.

 

Lex had been moving towards Clark until the explosion, and then he stopped.  "Clark... what the hell... I never said that!"  Lex's eyes grew wide as he finally realized what Clark was saying.  "Oh, Christ.  Clark... no.  No.  You're wrong.  It does matter to me, just... not in that way!"  He steeled himself as he continued across the room, knowing that when he got to Clark the angry young man might well throw him off but willing to trust that even in anger, Clark would never hurt him.  "The only thing that matters to me is you.  You are who you are, not because you were adopted, but because of how you're raised. Your parents--Jonathan and Martha--they matter.  Not the legal crap that makes up the adoption papers.  Not the fact that you come from somewhere else.  That's what doesn't matter."  Lex stopped in front of Clark, close enough to touch.

 

He was quivering with an anger that was very...very slowly being sated, staring at him for a long time before feeling foolish. Okay… not really, but he was very slowly going to count to ten and let the tension out of him, breath by breath, ounce by ounce, before he did something he didn't want to do or even worse, hurt Lex. He unclenched his fists, willing the anger away that still brimmed in his heart. "You should have said that. I've spent the last two hours trying to..." Foolish. Even more foolish, and he pushed his fingers through his hair, wishing he'd decided to just wear the t-shirt, and not add the stifling flannel to his ensemble. "Oh, Lex. I'm sorry."

 

"No... You've got nothing to be sorry for, Clark."  Lex's face was quietly blank, his shoulders shaking as he tried to get a grip on himself.  "You had... I didn't even realize what I was saying.  You had every right to assume it.  I'm a Luthor, you know that.  You know that I fight with words.  Don't be sorry, Clark... that was probably the smartest thing you'll ever do.  And if you were even smarter... you'd leave before I could hurt you again."

 

He shook his head and leaned in, wrapping trembling arms around him and pulling him in tight to hug him. "Lex?"

 

Lex wrapped his arms tightly around Clark.  "Yes?"

 

"This is love. Arguing. That's all. Do you understand me?" He pulled him away by the shoulders to look hard at him. "This is love. This. We'll argue and curse each other and scream, and I need you to understand that. Just because I'm angry doesn't mean I'll leave… okay?"

 

"I understand, Clark.  I just... think it would probably be better for you in the long run if you did leave.  I don't... I don't want you to.  God.  I don't know what I'd do if you did.  But... it will keep you safe from me."

 

"There'll be times when you want to put super glue in my shampoo, and there will be times when I'll seriously consider buying you some Rogaine. But its just arguing." A moment, and the strength was still very much alive in those strong arms, and with them he pushed Lex back, following right after him. "You know, Lex, you keep saying I need to stay away from you… to stay safe. Maybe you should stay away from me, Lex." He swooped in and latched his mouth on hard, pushing him further back until Lex tumbled back on the sheets, and Clark looked down at him as he pulled the flannel off to the thin blue t-shirt underneath, lips swollen with the heady kiss. "Maybe you should stop treating me like I'm a victim of your last name." He set both his palms on the sides of Lex's head on the mattress.

 

Lex didn't struggle against Clark as he was pushed backwards, but flinched when Clark's hands came down on either side of his head.   "I hurt you once already, Clark, and I didn't even mean to," Lex said quietly.  "I've never loved someone I didn't hurt."

 

"Maybe I haven't either." He swooped in and attacked the soft lips there for his taking. Hard, heavy nips against the lower lip, thrusting his tongue inside as he changed angles and did it again...again, making himself known to Lex's wonderfully warm mouth before leaving it, laving a trail down the soft jaw, and nipped hard as his fingertips busily ripped the buttons of his dress shirt from each side, sending them flying. "Stop treating me like a child. I'm not. I haven't been, in a long time."

 

Lex laid still, trusting Clark even in this... anger.  But it wasn't quite.  "You're not... you're not a child, Clark.  But that doesn't mean I don't want to protect you.  Even from myself."  His hands wove through Clark's hair as he moved down, feeling the silken strands slipping through his fingers.

 

He shook his head and grasped both palms from his hair, tugging them up above his head and pinned to the mattress. He supported his weight with one leg and laid himself out over his lover, thrusting hard and ruthlessly. One palm kept the hands up above the smooth head, the other ripped open the button to his pants and snaked inside, grasping the cock and pulling it out. He laid himself back out, thrusting against the naked heat, agonizing and tormenting as he bit one nipple roughly, grunting darkly into it. "I don't need your protection, and you don't need mine, Goddammit!" He punctuated each word with a thrust, raw and open as he'd ever been. "We don't need it for each other, that's what love is!"

 

Lex cried out rawly as Clark pinned him down, and he arched into the hard bites to his nipple.  "Clark... Christ... please.  More."  He tried to move his hands from Clark's iron grip but found he couldn't free himself.  "Don't want to hurt you, Clark.  I should... I should walk away from you but I can't.  I need you too much."  He arched his throat.  "Don't let me hurt you again."  The fire running through his belly and his cock was distracting his thoughts as he pushed mindlessly against Clark's hardness.  "Clark."

 

He hissed and got up on one knee, lifting Lex bodily up and tugging him up the mattress to lay against the pillows. "If you ever say that again, I will kill you." He said it roughly as his fingers latched onto the dress pants and ripped, tearing them down his body and off. The boxers with it, the remnants of his shirt, and in one slick movement he was back on top of him, thrusting his fully clothed body against the naked, vulnerable one beneath his. He pinned the arms again and indulged in the warm neck, sucking hard at the skin as he spoke through the grunts. "You can't hurt me, Goddamn you, you won't, and I won't let you." A harder suck, then a none too gentle bite at his collar bone. "If you think you can excuse this away..." He sucked at the bite. "Walk away from what we've begun, you've got something else coming." A harder suck and he bit the nipple he'd been licking before, sucking it into full hardness as he ground his hips down.

 

Lex moaned softly, arching up against Clark.  "Yesss.... need you, Clark, so much," Lex hissed, twisting as much as he could under Clark's bulk, chafing against his clothes.  "Don't want to walk away, Clark... should, but I can't.  I won't...need you too much to leave you."  He whimpered, helplessly rocking against Clark's strength.  "Do it, Clark... anything you want."

 

The words weren't out of Lex's mouth before Clark had his long length down his throat.  He sucked hard at the hard evidence of his lovers body, and for the first time he realized, oh, yeah. He had no idea what the hell he was doing. This he did, because he'd done it before, but he was riding on pure anger and energy, and it was like an open book. He followed it, rubbing his lips against the ridge around the head before letting go, mouthing the heavy balls as he wound his hand around the hard cock and jerked.

 

Lex thrust hard into Clark's throat, hands reaching down to knot in his lover's silken hair as he rocked.  His throat still burned from the bite marks earlier, and then Clark's hand wrapped around him, jerking roughly.  Another cry of pleasure was torn from Lex's throat as he thrust up against Clark, whimpering as he longed for the weight of his lover to press him back down again.

 

"No." he ground out, and rolled away, letting go with a wet slurp and climbing to his feet. But this time it was to strip...tugging the shirt above his head so the muscles in his belly rippled. He dropped the shirt to the floor and rubbed his own nipples softly, trying to rub the ache away as he dropped his chin to his chest and clenched his eyes shut. Then down, a stroke down to his belly as he unbuttoned his jeans, pulling the zipper down over his hard heat. A shimmy and he tugged them over his hips and down his thighs...bending down to take them off his feet, along with his socks. When he looked up at Lex again his eyes were dark and stormy, and he climbed over him with the eyes of a possessive lion, his whole body screaming 'Mine'.

 

Lex moaned as he watched Clark touching himself, and he stroked himself as his lover's fingers skimmed over his nipples and then his stomach and towards his cock as he undressed.  "God, Clark... so beautiful."  His hand still jacked his cock, and was breathless when Clark's eyes slammed into his.  "Yours," he said quietly, acknowledging the almost feral nature of his lover's possessiveness.

 

He didn't remember anything much... he wasn't sure his brain was thinking. His body was on auto-pilot, distinctly aware of what was happening but unable to stop. He towered above his lover before slowly, agonizingly he stretched out over him and thrust hard against the heat, growling as he kept his eyes on Lex's. "You like when...." Thrust. "When I touch myself, don't you?"

 

Lex nodded.  "Yes," he gritted out, thrusting up against Clark, wrapping his legs around Clark's waist and pulling himself up against his lover.  "You're so... hot.  Like... you're doing it... just for me... to make me want you."

 

"Don't have to make you want me." He groaned and hissed, pushing against the shallow groove of Lex's hip. "You already do." Something had taken over him. He knew it, in the far away part of his mind still working. This was like some alien auto pilot, and he wasn't even sure he was speaking English as he raised the pale hips and pushed his tongue into the tiny puckered hole. Hard and easy, thrusting in and out, laving the skin around it as he moved and took his pleasure. "Mine."

 

Lex shuddered.  "Always... always want you.  Just... hotter when you touch yourself.  Like... a secret just for me."  He couldn't gasp out anything else, instead concentrated on not losing his grip on his self-control as Clark's tongue slipped into him.  "Jesus, Clark.  Where... God!!  Yes!  Yours!"  His entire body shuddered as he pushed against Clark's tongue, feeling Clark's hands gripping his hips tightly.  "Never knew... you were like this.  Need this, Clark... need you... need to know... you need me this much."

 

He laved and sucked, thrusting his tongue in and out as his hands squeezed at the tender hip bones, one palm holding Lex up as the other returned to the thick, long cock, squeezing it and tugging furiously at it. He found a rhythm, mouth and hand in sync, grunting every few seconds, moaning darkly as he spoke between kisses. "You are mine...no one else's, mine!"

 

Lex shuddered, arching without thought into the rough caresses.  His cock throbbed in Clark's hand, his own fists were knotted in the sheet as Clark's tongue continued thrusting into him, and he lifted one leg to wrap around Clark's torso.  "Fuck me, Clark.  Take me, mark me, make me yours."

 

"I do what I want. You will not tell me." And he was sure that wasn't in English, as the strange, beautiful words rolled off his tongue. Did he care? No. The primal need to mate was overwhelming him and he let go of the tiny hole with his mouth, slicking his finger with his spit before pushing into him. A pause before he slid all the way in, moaning darkly as he rose back up. He reached up to his lover and kissed him blindingly hard and brilliant, matching his mouth with his thrusts with his finger. A moan and he dropped his head into the crook of his neck, biting again.

 

Lex heard the unearthly words rolling off Clark's tongue and shuddered at the beautiful malice in them.  He grunted as Clark's finger entered him, and his hips rolled, sliding himself on the blunt digit of his lover as he placed sharp, biting kisses on Clark's ear and temple, being as that's the only part he could reach.  "Yours, Clark... God... do anything."

 

Another finger, harder, sliding in and scissoring them without a qualm. He wanted but he loved deeper, and despite the culture that felt written in his body he kept his movements soft and gentle, reading his blood as easily as he read a page from a book. Slow, even thrusts of his fingers as he propped himself on an elbow and watched Lex's eyes...watched what he did to him with the rawest of pleasure in his expression.

 

Lex dragged his nails down Clark's shoulders, scoring them with red scratches that barely appeared before disappearing again, and he took Clark's free hand and placed it on his chest, urging him to do the same thing.  "Hurry, please," Lex begged, rocking faster on the gentle fingers.  "Won't... won't hurt me.  Harder.  Clark.  Please... harder."

 

It didn't scare him that he couldn't understand the words anymore. He felt like a razor sharp heat had been lit in his chest and he was working off an instinct he'd hidden for too long, thrusting his fingers inside hard and rough before he hissed and spread the legs on either side of his hips, arranging himself between those warm, sweet thighs as he looked at his lover for confirmation. For that last minute sureness.

 

Lex nodded as he wrapped his legs around Clark's waist, hands bracing against his shoulders, doing everything he could with his body to communicate that he wanted this.  "Do it."  He gritted his teeth, riding the razor edge of hard want that Clark had awakened in him, want that only a hard body pounding into his own could cure.  His legs tightened around Clark's waist.

 

He slickened himself with his saliva, watching his lover with intensity and desire, want and need clouded in eyes that were no longer green, but a sharp shade of blue. The thrust was clean. Quick, easy, and he pressed himself in to the hilt, letting out a low, dark, guttural moan at the first sensation of...of being enveloped. Of a warm body accepting him into them, and he cried out in delight and pleasure as the hot muscles clenched around him. "This! Oh, God! This!" He cried it in the tongue of his home, latching on as tightly as he could to Lex, as if he'd slip away if he let go.

 

Lex wrapped himself around Clark, arms twining around his shoulders and hands linked together to keep his body plastered to Clark's.  His teeth bit hard into Clark's throat, stifling the at-first painful thrust that turned into hot pleasure as Clark rocked into him.  He felt Clark clinging tightly to him in return, and Lex rocked, sliding his ass along Clark's cock as his hands roved over his lover's shoulders.  "Never going to leave you," Lex whispered, tightening the grip of his legs around Clark as he encouraged him to move.

 

He didn't have to understand to know what he said, pulling out before thrusting back in, and he was going to lose his mind in pleasure. It felt so good, impossibly hot and tight and he started a rhythm immediately, pressing himself down into Lex's arms as best he could to hold him as he moved. A heavy arch, a push, in… out... in... out... in. Lex's body swallowed him with every touch, and if he could have, he would have watched where they were joined in fascination. He wanted to memorize everything...the way Lex's skin smelled when drenched in sweat, the way his eyes squeezed with every thrust inside of him. The way the muscles around him squeezed.

 

Lex's tongue shot out, licking his lips before leaning forward and lapping at the sweat that fell from Clark's face to drip onto their joined bodies.  His cock was slick and needy and he ignored it, the sweetness of Clark's cock moving inside him was too much to lose, and he bore down, squeezing tightly with each of Clark's thrusts as though he didn't want to give up the hot length penetrating him.  "I love you, Clark, love you so much... never thought I could but you showed me how."  One hand slid over Clark's chest to gently twist and tease a hard nipple slick with sweat.

 

He growled at it, eyebrows scrunching against the line of his forehead as Lex licked and squeezed him with his inside muscles and drove him deliciously insane. His nipple....and without thought he had Lex's arms pinned up above his head again and his hand scraped each of the tender nipples of his lovers chest with his thumb.

 

Before he scraped his own nipples.

 

Rubbed them hard, teased them with his finger nails before he reached down and grasped Lex's erection in his hand and counterpointed each thrust with a tug at the dripping heat in his hand. His mouth claimed his lover's mouth hard as his hips sped up, pounding into his love with furious need and intense gentleness.

 

Lex struggled as his arms were pinned down, and then as Clark touched himself, scratched and rubbing his own nipples, Lex screamed as he rubbed his cock against Clark's stomach once before it was engulfed in his lover's slick fist. His tongue thrust hungrily against Clark's, sucking and accepting as his hands remained above his head.  He was so close, whimpering as he jerked.

 

The reactions to his touch were better then the touches themselves and he moaned loudly into the hungry mouth, returning the kiss with fevered need. He kept the wrists pinned tightly as he jerked his lover hard, pushing the hot sheath his fingers made down over the hard cock every time he stroked in, then tugged up with every pull out. Close, close, close, he was so close but he refused to come, not until his lover did, not until his mate was sated and pleasured to the full extent of his abilities. He lowered his mouth and sucked hungrily on the nipples and chest there for his taking.

 

At the hungry suction of Clark's mouth on his nipples, Lex's cock exploded over his lover's hand.  Massive and overwhelming, Lex keened loudly as the orgasm ripped out of his body, his seed covering his own chest in a rich white sheen as he twisted his hips to ride Clark's cock harder.  His ass clenched tightly, trapping Clark inside him for long moments before he could relax again, and he whimpered as his wrists remained held down and he couldn't hold his lover to him.

 

He understood. Poor Lex...if only he knew that he could read every feeling, every want and ache. He let go of the wrists as he pulled the pale hips to his, struggling fiercely to remain in control even as his orgasm danced in front of his eyes, just out of reach. He pushed into the welcome body, squeezing his eyes shut as his muscles tensed even more, hissing out mumbled words as he pushed and ached...as he wanted.

 

Lex wrapped his arms around Clark's shoulders as soon as he was free, pulling Clark down against him and licking every expanse of skin he could tongue, nibbling and consuming as he listened to the beautifully hissed words.  "Come for me, Clark... please.. want to have you inside me like that, feel you burn me."  He kissed Clark, turning it into a moan as he pushed down.

 

His eyes opaqued dark as his hips jerked and he exploded, thrusting in as far as he could go as he bellowed into his lover's mouth. A dark, loud cry of passion and he shuddered as he came so hard his eyes rolled shut, shuddering hard as he kept thrusting, slowly and softly as he slumped down on top of Lex's tight body. He lay motionless but for the steady rise and fall of his chest, the soft pants in a warm ear.

 

Lex clutched Clark tightly to him, tangling their legs to prevent Clark from escaping.  His fingers found the sweaty mop of curls around Clark's head and stroked, not sure of words because he didn't know if Clark understood them or not.  He shivered with each wafting breath that touched his ear.

 

His breath softened until he was breathing silently, stirring a little because very suddenly he felt in control again, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever felt as good as he did right now in his entire life. He moved slowly, rolling to the side and sliding slowly out of his lover, holding him to his chest tightly. "Lex...Lex. Are you okay? I...did I hurt you?" His tone was full of quiet worry, skimming fingers over his sweat dampened skin.

 

Lex whimpered in dismay as Clark pulled out of him.  "Sssh... I'm fine.  You didn't hurt me."  He didn't protest the touching or the embrace, instead securing it by locking his legs around Clark's thigh and his arms around his lover's waist.  "That felt... so amazing, Clark."

 

He whimpered to, in the purest of pleasure, curling in close to the man he'd given his virginity to. "I wasn't bad?" He whispered, tugging him close and warm and wrapped around him, mouthing a bruise on his jaw bone softly.

 

Lex flicked his tongue over Clark's ear, then pressed his lips to his temple.  "You were great, Clark.  More than great... you knew... it was like you knew exactly what I needed... what I wanted... and gave it to me."

 

"I could see what you wanted." He murmured softly, still kissing and moving his fingers over Lex's body, letting his lips slide everywhere he could reach. "'m in love with you."

 

"And I'm in love with you, Clark," Lex confessed softly.  "I can't... I just can't imagine being without you ever again."  He turned slightly into Clark's caresses, stroking over the sweaty, golden flesh that covered him.  "You're... you're too much a part of me now."

 

He smiled at that, cheesily in fact, and pulled him in tight. "You'll always have me… even when I'm not here, I'll be with you until we meet again."  Slyly he tugged at the blanket to cover them up, whispering, "You love me enough to let me drive the Aston?"

 

Lex buried his snort in Clark's throat.  "I love you enough to give you the pick of any car in my garage."

 

He pulled the blanket up over Lex's cool skin, smiling broadly at that as he muttered, "You'll say that when I turn the 'ghini into a crushed ca--...." He paused, and okay, he giggled. "I ripped your pants off. How very supermarket romance of me."

 

Lex peeked out from under the blanket.  "So sorry I didn't have a bodice for you to rip off."

 

He laughed out loud, eyes wide and dancing as he curled in and tickled his side. "Knowing you, I bet you've had a bodice ripped off you."

 

Lex nodded.  "Yes, I have.  But it wasn't nearly as much fun as the books say it is, especially when there are no heaving bosoms involved."  He cracked his jaw with the yawn, and it was barely nine.  "What... is in the picnic basket and can it stay downstairs overnight?"

 

"Mmm." The mental imagery had his fingers dipping low on the soft ass, rubbing his lips against the cup of his shoulder, between neck and chest. "Mmmhmm. Just peanut butter sandwiches and cookies." He yawned himself, the act contagious, and sighed heavily.

 

"Good.  Then you don't have to leave."  Lex turned and tangled his limbs in Clark's.

 

 

~*~*~

 

 

Lex was dreaming. 

 

He knew he had to be dreaming, because he hadn't been seven years old in... fourteen years.

 

"Lex, please.  It's time to go to bed."

 

"Mom, Dad will be home tonight.  He promised."  Little Lex looked up at the calm face of his mother.  "Please?  He always lets me wait up to meet him."

 

Her face was very sweet and gentle, a blur in his dreams, with dark wavy hair that fell past her waist. She smelled of ivory soap and of lilacs. Always like lilacs, even the subtle perfume she'd always dabbed behind her ears and on her throat. Her hair even smelled of it, as she reached down to ghost lips over his forehead. "Only tonight, darling. Don't stay up too long...don't eat the cookies out of the kitchen again." She said chidingly, warmly, before wrapping her arms around him... and suddenly there was a blanket around his shoulders, a big burgundy one her husband used over his legs at office meetings. Soft and downy, warm and smelling like the rich spices of his father's cologne and his scent… that raw, woodsy male scent that was all dad. "If you need me, I'm in bed."

 

"I love you, Mom."  Lex curled up in his father's chair, letting his mother tuck him into the soft cushions as he waited for his father to come home.  The wrap was warm around his shoulders, and the chair invitingly comfortable as he was surrounded by his father's scent, both from the chair and the blanket.

 

"I love you, baby." She pressed a kiss to his tiny cheek, and like in every dream, she was gone and leaving the heady waft of her perfume behind.

 

Lex breathed deeply, smelling the mingled scents of his mother's perfume and his father's cologne.  He could hear Pamela in the background, rustling around and making sure the house was closed tightly, and before he could remind himself not to fall asleep, he was.

 

Lex's little body jerked itself awake as he looked around guiltily.  He had wanted to wait up for his father and he'd fallen asleep.

 

"Go back to sleep, Lex."  A warm comforting voice rumbled under his ear, and Lex raised his sleepy eyes to blink them up at his father. 

 

"Dad!  You're home!"  Lex's arms wrapped around Lionel's neck.

 

Lionel tugged the burgundy wrap back over Lex's shoulders.  "I'm home, Lex.  I'll see you in the morning; go back to sleep." 

 

"I love you, Dad." 

 

A soft, warm hand came to rub Lex's back, pressing gently against the back of his red curls as Lex hid his face in his father's neck.  "I love you too, Lex."  A soft kiss was pressed to his temple.  "Now go back to sleep; I'll be here in the morning."

 

Lex hugged his father's neck tighter, rubbing his cheek against Lionel's skin as he felt his father cradling him against his warm body.  "Night, Dad."

 

"Goodnight, son."

 

 

~ * ~ * ~

 

 

Lex woke up with tears in his eyes.

 

The stars were out in brilliance, hugging the night sky tightly like children to their mother. The harvest moon, a comfortable old grandmother with the wisdom of the world lay comfortably nestled amongst those tiny bright lights, shining down on the world as full and gorgeous as it was possible to be. Out here, away from the night life of a buzzing Metropolis, every single star was as clear and crisp as if it were close enough to touch, elegant and gorgeous. And for boys like Clark Kent, it was nothing new. They took it for granted every night, instead curling up to their playboy billionaires and sleeping blissfully amongst cool sheets and limbs.

 

Clark lay like that now, stretched out on his belly with his arm around Lex's waist… as if he were afraid that the man might slip away during the night. His hair hung in his eyes and his mouth was partially open, breath escaping him as easily as it came back in.

 

When Lex woke from his dream, he felt Clark curled beside him, Clark's arm around his waist.  He raised his free hand to dash his hand across his eyes and turned onto his side, crowding closer to Clark as the beautiful boy slept.

 

A light shift, accommodating the push closer to him, and he slept on without an eyelash fluttered.

 

   

-fin-

 

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