The Memoirs

Graham had heard Toni talking to Ms. Bird on their way up the steps, and he hovered at the bottom of the steps.  He definitely needed to talk to the lady, and he wasn't going to miss her when she left.

 

Christ, Jesus, and God Almighty.  How was he supposed to be able to face Toni and ask her to help him find a doctor for his now-sexually-active sister when he could barely look at Toni herself and not flush lightly.  You know, God, I've always been a fairly nice person... why the hell are you saddling me with this!??

 

The great Deity didn't respond, and Graham sighed.  Deeply.

 

She'd seen the looks on Dominic and Lionel’s faces. Sweet, perfect...love. And she smiled at them, pat Lionel’s shoulder, and has escaped before she was subjected to kissing she didn’t want to have to interrupt.

 

Gathering her things into her blue and white spotted bear bag, white coat tucked around her waist, she slipped out into the hallway, and began down the wide, luxurious steps. ...Or did, that is, until she spotted Mr. Senatori at the bottom of the steps.

 

She couldn’t help the kick her belly and heart gave. It was an instinctual, unavoidable response. He was an astounding creature... tall, wide of shoulder and slim of waist. Paired with that long hair like cinnamon and fire and the beard, she was a puddle of male-induced goo.

 

And because she was a flirt by nature, a sweet smile slipped to her lips. "Mr. Senatori."

 

"D--Doctor Braxton," Graham stuttered, looking up at her and blushing.  Dammit.  The blush spread over his cheeks, under his beard, and up over his ears at the pretty smile she was giving him.  "I--can I--I mean, I need to... can I talk to you?"  Little and petite, he was afraid he was going to break her.  She couldn't have been that much smaller than Shayla, and yet, she was.

 

She wanted, very badly, to make sure her hair was in place, but at his words, didn’t dare. The blush in his cheeks and the stutter in his voice were just so sweet. Christ, she loved them shy and big. "How are you?" She continued down the steps, keeping her dark eyes on his face, and thankful that even in the cold weather, she'd slipped some lipstick on. A girl had to look her best when in the presence of cute men such as himself.

 

"I'm... I'm... okay, I guess.  A little... you know, thrown for a loop by stuff, but yeah.  I'm okay."  He ran his fingers through what was left of his hair, and smiled back at her.  "I'm good.  How are you?"

 

"Very good, actually." She finished down the steps, and smiled up at him. And by up... up. "I came over to check on Mr. Luthor before the storm got bad again. I’ve been thinking about him." She smiled, holding the mug Ms. Bird had given her, and oh, yes! Sudden realization. An excuse to walk with him through the mansion.

 

"Oh, uh, yeah.  You need a kitchen.  The kitchen, actually.  I'll, uh, show you the way."  A belated thought.  "Or, um, I could, you know, take it for you."

 

Oh, but he was just so cute. Lord, she hadn’t felt this enamored since she was sixteen. "That’s alright..." She dropped her voice and whispered with a wink, "I’ve been looking for an excuse to tour this house." A smile lit her face, and she looped her arm through his, letting her own rest on his forearm. "How's Shane?"

 

His blush deepened, and he instinctively pulled her arm tighter through his as they started walking.  "He's good, though I'm beginning to think he loves Lionel more than he loves me.  The boy's just addicted to him.  I swear, if I'm not tripping over him myself, he's with Lionel.  Nearly threw poor Morgan in the closet the other day, just hiding out in their bedroom and waiting for his uncle Lionel."

 

She couldn’t help laughing, and the kick in her belly grew to a warm, fuzzy ache. Shy, big, and well mannered. Oh, be still her heart. "I think he's got some extra gene his uncle Dominic has, because that man, as sweet and wonderful as he is, is a sour puss." A giggle, as she sipped some of the now lukewarm coffee.

 

"Hey, you're not getting a bit of argument from me on that score."  Graham scowled.  "Still don't know what Morgan sees in the old bast--goat, but I accept that he does and go from there."  He blushed and changed his words mid-sentence, not about to say anything foul in front of this lady.  "Sorry about that."

 

"What part? The bastard part?" The smirk couldn’t be helped, and she gave him a wink to ease that sweet pink from his face. "I've called him worse, and to his face, at that." Another glance up. "Hey, want to go to dinner? When the storm clears? We could slip into Metropolis, hit the movies... and a great Italian place I know of."

 

"Um... yeah.  Well... that's you.  I wouldn't think of saying something like that in front of a lady like yourself."  He smiled at her, and then blushed a bright, unmissable red.  "You're--a... you... date?"

 

"Sure." And she was grinning as she reached up to kiss his cheek. Just barely reached, at that. "You know, lights, candles, a little black dress?" She smiled again, strolling along in her impossibly bright sneakers and grubby scrubs. "I should promise, in the house you live in, that I'll be the one wearing the dress, thank you."

 

Graham choked, spluttered, and his blush brightened.  "I don't wear dresses!" he shouted, and then brought his mortification under control.  "I mean... yeah.  I figured you'd be wearing the dress.  Though I wouldn’t be surprised to see Lionel in one."  A light cough.  "I'm going to shut my mouth now, before I stick my foot any farther into it."   Another cough.  "But, the whole date?  Yeah.  I'd love to."

 

Oh, good God, save her, she was going to die. She barely kept the giggle in, nodding up at him, then let go of his arm as they reached the swinging door that was held open by a bucket. The ample, lovely Ms. Bird was cooking, for New Years supper Toni could only guess, and offered him in first. "To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t be surprised either." A giggle. "You've only swallowed to the arch, sweetie, and believe me… I've swallowed worse. But yes... maybe this Saturday? I'll pick you up at six."

 

And Graham wanted to just slide into the ground.  Have the earth open up and just suck him under, and oh, GOD, there it was again.  He had been married too long, and out of the dating circuit even longer to be comfortable flirting with beautiful woman like Doctor Toni Braxton.  Especially when she was talking about swallowing and no his brain was not going to go there.  "Yeah.  Saturday.  But um... pick me up?  I'm--I'm kinda used to, you know... me picking you up."

 

"Shut up und let de lady pick chu up!" Ms. Bird scolded from the stove.  "Chu are being und asshole again!"

 

At Ms. Birds cry she almost laughed... almost. But he looked so embarrassed, and he was just so cute. He was older then her... some ten odd years, she supposed, and from a different generation then her. Hee. She'd teach him. Because she had more then a passing interest in him, and knew it as she set her cup in the sink and squeezed Ms. Birds hand as she passed. "Well, yeah. I know you're visiting, and don’t have any cars but Lex's sport drool buckets. So what do you say? Break stride and let me pick you up." She walked back from across the kitchen and offered a sweet smile, as she looped her arm back through his. "That is, if you can take my driving."

 

"More like svallow his pride," she clucked disdainfully.  She was still quite angry with him over his earlier behavior towards the young Mr. Ross, who had only done the right thing by coming down and facing Graham himself.  "Chu could do better than dis lunk."

 

Graham was going to cheerfully strangle the old woman.  It was worse than having Rosalyn Senatori around, and he cringed.  There was no way in hell that Rosalyn would accept that her son--or daughter, for that matter--was dating someone who was non-Caucasian.  At least Ms. Bird didn't seem to have a problem with it.  "Well, I do have the van--okay.  Yeah.  I think I can take your driving.  I'll be ready when you get here."

 

"Wear something comfortable. We're going to walk through the city, too." Her eyes danced as she looked up at him, even as those chocolate almond eyes slid to Ms. Bird. "He's a lunk, but he's a cute one, if I do say so myself." Another smile at the woman and she led Graham back out into the hall, where at the end sat her coat and scarf and fuzzy blue on the hooks. "You're sure about that, Graham? For all my schooling, I’m still a reckless woman."

 

SHE THINKS I'M CUTE!!!  And no.  He wasn't screaming giddily inside.  Not at all.  "I can do comfortable.  And yeah, I'm sure.  I trust you."  The reckless comment didn't go unnoticed, and it warmed his cheeks again.  "Wait... are you leaving?  Do you--I mean, do you have a few more minutes to talk to me?  About--my sister?"

 

A few more minutes? Cupcake, you've got the rest of my life. "Sure, of course." She slid easily into doctor mode, slipping her free hand into her pocket. "Is there somewhere we could sit? My feet are aching me."

 

"Yeah, sure, come on.  There's plenty of places, but there's a big fire in the library."  He kept her arm tucked through his elbow as he led her.  "Poor Doc, you've been on those feet all day, I bet."

 

"Since about eight last night." She cast a grin his way.

 

"Okay.  You've officially been working too hard."  He led her into the library, and pulled out one of the big, leather chairs in front of the fire.  "Here.  Take a load off."  He even pulled out the little leather footstool for her feet before sitting down in the chair across from her.  "How's that feel?"

 

Oh, God. She was going to die. Her eyes were wide and amused, and she didn’t mind taking a load off, as he'd said. She supposed he wouldn’t mind either. Oh! Keep your head out of the gutter, madam. "It's alright... I’m used to it. Remind me sometime to tell you about the week I didn’t sleep, okay?" She smiled again and leaned forward a little, despite the chair designed for lounging. "What’s on your mind?"

 

Graham settled back in his chair, but then leaned forward as soon as she did.  "I, um... well... Christ.  Okay.  I found her--today, this evening, a few hours ago--that she was... she had... there was... in her room.  A--boy.  Man.  Boy."

 

Her eyes widened… but she managed to bite her lip and keep the grin in. "Her? Your sister… with a boy. ...ohhhh." The sage nod was followed by a little hand pat for him. Poor dear. "Having sex?"

 

"Yes."  Fiery blush and an angry rumble.  "She's only seventeen!"

 

"Hmm." His hand was so warm... much larger then her own, and she noticed it, even as she spoke and gently soothed his fingers. "Seventeen... is actually not a strange age, Graham." She nodded, looking up at him under her lashes. "Is she using contraceptives?"

 

"I'm not having that conversation with her!"  He threw up his hands.  "Morgan is!"  But then he sighed deeply.  "She's using... she's using... c--condoms."  It was hard for him to spit out the words in front of Toni.  "God only knows what else Megan bought her at the store today."

 

She couldn’t help smiling at him, gently. "It's alright, Graham... shh, calm down, sugar. You're going to give yourself en embolism. As for her using condoms... and Dominic being behind them, she's going to be alright. What I want you to do is your...or one of your family members," She offered tenderly, because... yeah, she could see him trying not to blow a gasket. "Get her an appointment for the OBGYN. Okay? Third floor of the hospital. They can check her over, give her helpful tips on staying clean and pregnancy free… give her a hundred free condoms, which I’m sure she'll enjoy," She said that part easily, looking him in the eyes. "And whatever she thinks she might need."

 

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Graham exhaled heavily, trying to calm himself.  "She's too YOUNG for this!  But... yeah.  I don't know who to call, who to talk to, and... I figure that you'd know the best doctors in town."  He gripped her hand tightly, half-unaware that he was doing so.  "Her... her... whatsis... girl doctor, back in Vancouver, put her on the pill a couple of years ago."  He gritted his teeth talking about his.  "She, um, was having a lot of cramps, and... a lot of other things I really didn't want to know the details of, Mama took care of it, and he ended up solving it by putting her on the pill."

 

"Well, that’s a blessing in itself." A smile at him, and she gently soothed his palm with both of hers. God, he had good hands. Wide of palm, slender and long of finger...rough skin. Workman’s hands. Hands that a woman could imagine touching her.

 

Her belly positively glowed. She hadn’t had thoughts like these since Trevor. "Yes... I’m sure here there are plenty of good doctors... unless you want to wait until you go back home?" Oh, Christ, I’m going to miss seeing where this could lead. "If not, call information... which I can give you the number to, and ask for the OBGYN clinic. They'll get you an appointment and fix everything right on up."

 

"We're... um... not going back home.  Mama's decided that she wants to stay here, in Smallville, with Morgan.  So... that means I'm staying with her, and so is Shayla.  So... that's why we... well, I, anyway, am trying to find a good doctor, that I can trust with my little sister."

 

You're staying, hunk of man? Thank God. "Good." She couldn’t keep the smile off her face. "Very good. I'll get you set up, don’t worry."

 

He sighed deeply, relieved, and squeezed her hand again.  "Thank you.  You've taken such good care of Morgan that I knew you'd be the person to talk to about my sister."

 

"Couldn’t help it." His accent could melt the ice around an Eskimo’s heart. "You all are such good...strange, but good people." A blinding smile.

 

He smiled, and laughed softly.  "Doc... you've actually no idea how strange we are."

 

"I have a small idea." A saucy wink, and she climbed back to her feet. "I’m going to have to get going, though, before the storm gets worse. We're set for Saturday?"

 

"We're set for Saturday."  Graham climbed to his feet immediately, and offered her his arm.  "Let me walk you out?"

 

"Sure." She slipped her much smaller arm through his, and sighed as she stretched her back a bit. "Wow. Yes. I’m going to go home, take a long bath, and crash on the couch. Is the cable working yet, that you know of? I haven’t been able to watch X-Files reruns for a week. I’m getting grumpy." Said with a little grumpy sigh.

 

Graham shrugged.  "I don't know about the cable, but Lex's digital whatever-it-is he's got is working--Lindy was channel surfing it earlier.  Thousand channels, thereabouts."  He grinned.  "You can come back over and watch X-Files."

 

More time to spend with you, handsome. "I just might." She smiled again and set her blue bag on the floor, before shrugging back into her enormous light brown coat. Her red scarf wound its way about her neck, as did the matching hat over her carefully done hair, and she grinned up at him as she buttoned. "I hope you know that our weather isn’t always like this."

 

Graham bent and picked up her bag, holding it for her as she buttoned up her jacket.  "Yes, so I've been told.  This seems to be a freak storm that's getting on everyone's nerves."

 

"Mine too. Take care of yourself, Mr. Senatori." Another smile and she turned, opening the door and stepping out. Her poor Hondo. Oh, her baby. She waved back at him, and stepped down the long stone stairs and out into the snow.

 

"I will, Doc.  Take care of yourself, and... call when you're home safely."  He flushed lightly.  "Drive carefully."  He stood in the open doorway and watched as Toni departed.

 

And then nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Dominic bellowing.

 

"GRAHAM SENATORI GET YOUR BLOOMIN’ ASS DOWN HERE NOW!"

 

"Do yell a bit louder there, beloved.  I don't believe they heard you in Gotham."  Lionel cuddled his lover close.

 

He was quite furious, despite the cuddles of his lover and the soft kisses he'd bestowed on warm cheeks. No one… count it... no one, sent love letters to Lionel other then him.

 

Dammit.

 

His grin was wide and gorgeous when he sent it to his lover. "I know." Then back to the bowels of the house. "NOW CRACKER!"

 

"Cracker?" Lionel asked, curiously.

 

Graham slammed the door shut and bellowed back.  "MORGAN DOMINIC SENATORI YOU WILL NOT BELLOW AT YOUR BROTHER LIKE THAT!"

 

"Well, I do believe I know where you get the bellowing gene from, and from whom you inherited your lungs," Lionel said dryly.

 

"I DAMN WELL WILL! GET YOUR BLOOMIN ARSE IN HERE! NOW!" Then a sweet, innocent blink to his love. "Graham Cracker. 'Tis his nickname...one he loathes, might I add with a great deal of relish." And he smiled, quite happily.

 

"Yes, well, I can see why he loathes it.  Personally, I believe I would too."  Lionel shook his head.  "Strange lot, you Senatori clan."

 

"CALL ME CRACKER ONE MORE BLOODY TIME AND YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT TO FARRAGIN' HELL!" Graham boomed, but he was backtracking his steps to the main staircase, where the bellowing was coming from.

 

"I’VE A BLOODY BONE TO PICK WITH YOU MAN MOUNTAIN! HERE! NOW!" Dominic bellowed, quite loudly, then sighed when he heard the stomps.

 

"A bone to pick with me?" Graham shouted, once he came to the bottom of the stairs.  "I've a whole skeleton full of bones to pick with you about providing our dear sister with condoms so that she can fuck her brains out!"

 

"And that's a bit of familial laundry I could have done without having aired in front of me," Lionel commented.

 

"Graham's having a heart attack because he found Shayla having a bit of fun sex earlier today. Nearly had himself a stroke." Sweetly. "Graham, darling, would you rather she go bareback? I’m sure she would."

 

"I WOULD RATHER SHE NOT BE DOING IT AT ALL!"  Graham bellowed angrily.

 

Lionel murmured softly.  "I'm surprised it took him this long to find her in action."

 

Oh, he wouldn’t laugh, and simply squeezed his love's hand. "I know it, cracker, calm yourself down." He pulled the letter from Lionel’s back pocket, and thrust it to his brother. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing writing my lover letters like these, eh? Have you lost your damn marbles?"

 

"What in the name of nine holy hells makes you think I'd be writing Lionel any kind of letter, much less a love one?  I can barely stand to be in the same room with him!  And do NOT call me Cracker again, Morgan!"

 

"Don’t call me Morgan, cracker!" A glare. "Read. It."

 

"You don't call me Cracker, and I won't call you Morgan, Morgan!"  He snatched the letter and read it.  "Do you seriously think I'd write such.... tripe?  This sounds... this sounds like one of Mama's dime-store novels!"  He shoved the letter back at his brother.

 

"Eleanor came to us telling us you'd written it." Carefully, and quietly... and a sudden dawning realization came upon him. Ellie… was known… for snatching things and misplacing them. What if... oh, God. "Do you think this..." He winced, eyes wide. "Alright. We have someone’s letter here. Quite an embarrassing one, might I add."

 

"Eleanor!  Where is she!?"  Graham raised his voice.  "ELEANOR ROSALYN SENATORI, GET YOUR LITTLE BUNS HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

 

Lionel winced as the scream echoed off the rock walls.  "You could merely use the house paging system," Lionel pointed out.  "Much more effective... and much less loud."

 

Dominic shrugged lightly at his lover. "Doesn’t have the same ring to it. Literally, I’m afraid."

 

Uht oh! Unca Grammie found her out! Eeeep! She winced, and her shoes taptaptapped her down the steps, as fast as she could, tears already streaming. "Its not me! I’m a good girl! Don’t spankeded me!!!!!!!!"

 

Graham glowered at his niece.  "Eleanor, so help me..." 

 

Lionel winced at the shriek and picked her up before she could tap all the way down to Graham.  "Now, Mistress Eleanor, your Uncle Graham isn't going to spank you."  He turned his own fierce glare on the elder Senatori.  "We just need to ask you a couple of questions about that lovely letter you brought to me this morning."

 

"N-no spankedness?" A sniffle, and didn’t she look pitiful? She got a wallop from her ma everyday, darn it, and she could pull off looking terrible. "I-I founded it! Unca Grammie was sayin sumfin, and I toughted he say give it to you! I didn’t do nuffin!"

 

"Isn’t that peachy." Dominic sighed, softly, and set himself on the bottom stair of the staircase. "Dammit, all to hell."

 

An eyebrow rose… then the other, under his too-long bangs. Clark blinked at the sudden gathering of people in the main room, and stopped on his way for ice cream to blink at them. "Ah... Mr. Luthor... Mr. Senatori... plural... everything alright?"

 

"No, Eleanor, no spanking."  Lionel juggled the little girl lightly against his shoulder.  "Can you tell us where you founded--found the letter?"

 

Graham growled.  "No.  Someone wrote this damned letter, and Ellie told Dominic that I wrote to Lionel when I most certainly did not."

 

Uht oh. Clark took a step in their direction… another, and saw. The Letter. The one… he'd nearly tore a wall down for, and his face immediately darkened. "That’s not.... someone wrote that to Lex. He found it in front of his office door earlier today."

 

"Bloody hell." Dominic climbed to his feet. "Its that letter. Dammit." A sigh, and he glanced up at his brother. "I’m sorry I called you cracker, cracker. It's all a bloody mist--" No. But... if Lex had found the letter, and Megan thought that Lex wrote it to her... it couldn’t have been Lex. Oh. He rubbed his head. "I’ve had more headaches in the past month alone.."

 

Lionel put Eleanor down gently on the stairs.  "Why don't you go along to the kitchen and ask Ms. Bird if you can help her decorate the cookies for tonight's celebration."  But then he pointed her towards Graham.  "But your uncle Graham has something he'd like to say to you first."

 

Graham sighed.  "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Ellie."  Then he looked over at Clark and Lex.  "Wait... this is that letter?  Okay... we're running out of suspects here."

 

Sniffle. Sniffle. Sniffle. And then she hugged his leg, and with a serious of taps, was gone.

 

"I don’t know, but whoever wrote the letter is dead meat. ... Wait, Mr. Senatori, what’s wrong?"

 

Dominic glanced up. "Megan thought Lex had written her the letter. Lex… thinks someone wrote the letter, and as it wasn’t any of us here, that leaves my sisters, Bruce and Dick, and Pete." A heavy, heavy sigh. "Yes, because having cabin fever with my family is never boring."

 

Lex came around the steps, from down the hallway, and heard the last of Dominic's statement.  "Who has cabin fever?"  He made a beeline for his lover, and slipped his arms around Clark's waist, kissing the back of his shoulder.

 

"Yeah, well, I'll lay odds it wasn't Shayla or that damned Pete boy she's with, because they've been too busy in her room to come up for air, much less write something like... this," Graham grumbled.

 

Lionel stepped forward and started to massage his lover's shoulders.  "It was Miss Scarlet, in the billiard room, with a noose."

 

“Shayla?" Clarks eyes widened into ovals, as the world melted away. "And... Pete? MY Pete?!"

 

"No, my darling," And it was Dominic’s turn to grin. "It was Professor Plum in the conservatory with the candle stick."

 

"What about PETE?!"

 

"Someone callin' my name?" A head of dark, small curls peaked out from the kitchen...oh boy. He saw Grahams face and almost ran in the other direction. A slow, deep breath and a cleared throat had him walking into the hall...and half ignoring his friend. "What’s goin' on, people?"

 

Lionel nearly didn't bury the chuckle.  "No, my beloved Jiminy... a noose is more appropriate, judging by the look on your dear brother's face."

 

"What the hell you want, Clark?"  Shayla bopped out of the kitchen, barely dressed in a pair of plaid shorts--which might or might not have been Pete's, nobody could tell--and an oversize blue shirt that definitely was Pete's.  "Keep hearin' my name out here, what the hell?"

 

Graham was seeing six shades of red.  "Shayla.  Go upstairs.  Put some clothes on.  NOW."

 

Lex was watching the entire scene unfolding with a fascination not unlike a train wreck held.  He couldn't not watch.

 

"Buzz off, Man Mountain," Shayla snorted.  "Don't hear anybody else complainin'."  Socked feet padded across the room to stand beside Pete.

 

"He is quite infuriated, isn’t he?" Dominic offered a wicked giggle.

 

Oh. My. GOD. Clark just stared. Shayla. And Pete. And Shayla wearing Pete's clothes. And Pete not wearing any shoes. And both of them looking well ridden. Clark turned a blink over his shoulder at his boyfriend, and the blood drained out of his face.

 

"Sweetheart, at least put a bra on." Dominic was such a wicked thing by nature.

 

Pete coughed... blushed, coughed again. "What’s going on? Everythin' alright?"

 

"I'd say nearly apoplectic," Lionel offered in return, not bothering to hide the snicker this time.  "And immensely amusing."

 

Shayla wrapped her arms around Pete.  "Yeah, they're all just bitchin' each other out, don't worry."

 

Lex rose up on his toes just enough to reach Clark's ear.  "Clark... I do believe that's your cue to say something... are you all right?  You look so pale."

 

"Bite me, Morg."  Shayla ducked behind Pete.  "There, is that better?  Nobody can see the scandalous shirt and shorts I have on."

 

"Shayla Marie, if you don't go and put something decent on this minute, you will not sit for a week!" Graham bellowed over the others.

 

"I should create a sport out of infuriating people. The results keep me amused for hours." Dominic beamed it at his lover, and gently rubbed his fingertips over Lionel’s.

 

Pete knew better then to laugh. Oh, yes. Much, much better. So instead, he just blocked Shayla a little more, coughing lightly, and trying not to look at his pale friend. "Yeah. Uh. She's not very... very scandalous, please don’t kill me Mr. Senatori." He pleaded.

 

"I...I..." His eyes, when he turned them to Lex, were all innocent farm boy, as he whispered, "They’re having sex."

 

Dominic’s turn to bellow back. "You won’t yell at her like that, man mountain! Would you rather she be with what GOD GAVE HER?!"

 

"Yes, love, you should.  I'd buy tickets, in fact."  Lionel sat down on one of the upper steps, watching with no small amount of utter amusement at the bickering family.

 

"Go ahead, big brother!" Shayla yelled, echoing Dominic's threat.  "Lay one hand on me and I'll strip down and show everybody what I've got!"  Shayla grinned wickedly against the back of Pete's neck.  "Not really, baby, but it'll shut him up."

 

Lex petted his lover's shoulder.  "Yes, Clark.  They are.  They are having sex."

 

Graham looked about ready to have a stroke.  "You.... you... clothes!  And you!  I'm not going to kill you!  I'm going to rip your head off!"

 

"YOU ARE NOT LAYING A HAND ON MY PETE!" Shayla bellowed, scrambling and trying to climb around Pete's restraining body.

 

Lionel just snickered.  "Dominic... do you think we should remind them they're getting off-track here?  Or just let the mayhem work itself out?"

 

Dominic sat right next to him, watching in total, utter amusement. "Sweetheart, I told you you'd want to think twice before marrying into my family. Just think... they'll be your family too. I'll understand if you want to move the company to Switzerland. I’m sure the Swiss wouldn’t mind."

 

"Sex? They’re... but... it's Pete, Lex. Pete doesn’t have... have sex. Its a rule." Clark looked dumbstruck.

 

"Don’t kill me! I didn’t do it! We were just looking for food!" Pete was backing up, pulling Shay with him. "We haven’t had sex! In a while! Please don’t kill me!!"

 

"Darling, I've found that if you try and get them off track, you only bring the wrath onto yourself." Dominic sighed, set his head on Lionel’s shoulder, and met Lex's eyes across the room. Another sad shake of his head... oh, fuck.

 

"WHAT the living bloody HELL is going on here?!" Megan shrilled. She stood at the base of the other flight of steps, fists on her hips, growling. "Stop. it. NOW!"

 

Lionel just leaned back against Dominic.  "Are you joking?  I wouldn't miss this for the world.  This?  This is better than the gladiatorial games of Rome and the Spartan games all rolled into one."  He held his hand out to encompass their motley group of extended family.  "Where else would you find all these idiots in one place?"

 

Lex just shook his head sadly.  "Clark?  When's the last time you talked to Pete?  I hate to be the one to tell you this, but he's been having sex for at least the last six months."

 

"SHAYLA!  Calm down and stop showing your ass this instant!"  The vein in the middle of Graham's forehead was beginning to pound.

 

"Graham Alexander Senatori, you stop bellowing at that child this instant!"  Lindy entered the fray, having heard the raised voices all the way on the other end of the house.  "Shayla!!  Stop crawling all over that boy this instant!  Morgan Senatori!  What in the name of all holy saints is going on here?"

 

"I'm not letting that jerk of a brother hurt my Pete!"  Shayla was still clinging tightly to Pete, one arm over his shoulder and the other one coming under his arm to link over his chest.

 

Graham jumped when Megan screamed, and then Lindy.  "Christ, JESUS!"

 

Oh, God, and at that Dominic had to laugh. He pressed his cheek to Lionel, temples touching, and heaved a heavy sigh. "I think Ms. Toni shouldn’t have left so soon... look, Graham looks like he's about to exorcise the demons he's positive are in Shayla's head."

 

"I talk to him all the TIME! He hasn’t been dating ANYONE! Lex! Sex?!"

 

A light cough from Lex.  "Then perhaps you should ask him about Sam Menkins... or, Dick Grayson, as he's known now."

 

"Lindy, my darling, you wouldn’t believe it if I told you." Dominic managed under the hubbub, eyes dancing as he turned his palm over and linked it with Lionel's.

 

Ohhh, where was Buffy when you needed her? Pete winced, and wished HE was the one hiding, swallowing hard as the fiasco slowly died down to look at the two women on the stair case.

 

"That is ENOUGH, you bumbling bunch of idiots!" Megan cried. "What on Gods precious earth is WRONG with the lot of you?!"

 

"It looks like Graham is about to have a heart attack, a stroke, and a seizure, all combined," Lionel corrected, linking his fingers with Dominic's as they sat and watched the fray.

 

"Try me!" Lindy snapped.  She shoved her way in between Graham, Pete, and Shayla, bodily pushing her eldest brother back a few steps.  "You!  Calm down, this moment or I'll smack you until you do!"  Then she glared at Shayla.  "And you, young lady, should know better than to come downstairs looking like that!"  Then she looked at Pete, and held out her hand as calmly as the situation would allow.  "Belinda Senatori, Shayla's sister.  Call me Lindy, and don't worry about Graham."

 

Shayla finally eased her death grip on Pete when Lindy showed up, and pulled Pete back a few steps until he was sitting on the upholstered bench by the wall and she curled up in his lap, head on his shoulder.

 

"Where would you like me to start?" Graham shouted back.  "First I find out that I'm writing love letters to Lionel, then we find out that it's a MYSTERY letter that nobody is laying claim to, then those two--" he flung his arm out at Shayla and Pete "--show up down here like they've just rolled out of bed, and I don't even know what their problem is!" he finished, flapping his hand at Clark and Lex.

 

"And you, my darling, wonderful brother, need to breathe. You're an elderly chap now, and you're going to fall over dead as a doornail. Calm yourself, will you?" Dominic rose, ever the delegator, and sighed. "Clark and Lex are innocent by standers in this murder of tempers." A solid nod. "As are Pete and Shayla, though my darling little sister managed to upset crack--Graham all over again." Sweet grin. "The problem being is we've got a love letter. A love letter no one is claiming to, though its… ah... very graphic. Megan, my darling, thought Lex had written it to her. Lex didn’t... he found it in front of his office door this morning. I've not a clue how it got to Ellie, but she brought it to Lionel and myself, stating Graham here," A motion. "Had written it to Lionel. And this is where the mess started." He beamed and plopped back down. "Resume the insanity, please."

 

Pete's introduction of himself had been swallowed as Shayla pulled him back into a chair, his throat working. He held her, but lightly, way, WAY too terrified of the murderous looks Graham was giving him.

 

And in the momentary silence, Clark asked, "Pete was having sex with Dick?"

 

Bruce's eyebrow rose as he strolled from one of the offices down the hall, blinking at the group of people with a hapless smile. "Ahh... I was wondering who was dying."

 

"Welcome to the party, Bruce."  Lex gave a half-hearted smile.  "Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent.  Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne.  And yes, Clark, he was.  Before Bruce came to retrieve him."

 

Lionel remained mercifully silent, not adding a single word to the confusion, but looking on smugly as person after person joined the fray.

 

Shayla reached down and pulled his arms tighter around her waist, despite the disapproving glare from her brother.  "I could start making out with him," Shayla threatened sweetly, and then turned to plant a quick kiss on Pete's soft lips.

 

Graham snarled once and turned his back on Shayla and Pete, instead growling at his brother.  "I am not going to fall over dead as a doornail, Morgan!"  He snatched the crumpled letter and held it aloft.  "I want to know who wrote this fucking thing!"

 

Oh. And what a handsome boy he was. Tall, dark haired... angelic, in a way, and Bruce could see the Lex's like, and love, of him. He walked among the group, scooting closer, and offered his hand. "Hello, Clark, its nice to finally meet you."

 

"Hi." Clark said softly, shyly, a little blush staining his cheeks. "Nice to meet you."

 

Bruce turned to Pete, then... and offered his hand gently to the young man. "Mr. Ross."

 

Pete rose his eyes from Shayla mouth...to the older mans eyes. It was instinct to shake it...shake the man who had stolen his lover from him. And oh, the pain was so bright, even though it wasn’t his fault. "Hello, Mr. Wayne. Its nice to really meet you, too."

 

"Fock?" Shane blinked mid crawl, looking up at all the crazy people. Holy cow, what were they all doing stomping around? What was this, the circus?! He sat up, cookie in hand, and blinked again.

 

Shayla growled softly at Bruce from Pete's shoulder.  Get the fuck away from him, her whole body screamed.

 

Lex rubbed Clark's back.  "See?  That wasn't so hard, shaking hands with the man who has more money than God and I put together."  He grinned.  "We'll have you hobnobbing in no time," he teased.

 

"Shane!" Lionel called out sharply, over the din.  "Do not move, anyone!  The person that steps on that boy will answer to me!" He thundered as he quickly made his way to the young baby. 

 

He was positively flushed, and Clark gazed at his lover in shocked awe--then jumped when Lionel made his declaration. "Lex… maybe we should... ah... hide somewhere?"

 

"Alright, everyone, something of a letter was mentioned? Perhaps all of you would tell me where mine went. It was sitting on my desk a bit ago, and now it's gone." Bruce said it quietly, like smooth honey.

 

"Oh, for Jesus' sake." Megan muttered. "My letter, MY letter, which the lot of you should be nicer then to pass about and get confused about! I found it, its mine!"

 

"You can keep it. Rancid state of sexual affairs, it is." Dominic added cheerfully from the staircase.

 

"Shhh... hey, Shay, its alright, hon." Pete murmured, and soothed her gently... then squeaked at Graham's glare.

 

"Pete..." Clark couldn’t resist it. "You're having...sex?"

 

Dark eyes moved up to his homeboy. Clark, his best friend. Clark, who'd forgotten about him, though Pete couldn’t be angry. He just shrugged, smiled a little, and looked down at Shayla.

 

And Shane slipped, slippery as an eel, down the hall, crawling on motor knees. Maybe NOW his bestest friend would tell him what the noise form the closet was!

 

"Mm..." Lex nodded in reply.  "I know where there's a nice, roomy closet we can hide in."

 

Lindy snatched the letter from her brother and passed it to Bruce.  "Is this the letter, Mr. Wayne?"

 

"Yes, he's having sex!  With me!  Jesus, why is this such a hard concept to comprehend?"  Shayla turned around and in the middle of all her family and friends, kissed Pete as hard and deeply as she could, arms and legs wrapping around him and leaving no mistake to her intentions or her claim on her lover.

 

Lionel followed Shane down the hall, loping as quickly as he could, walking stick thumping out behind him.  "Shane?  Come here, my little man, tell your uncle Lionel where you're leading him to."

 

Pete could do nothing but kiss her back, despite her terror, fear coursing all the way through his body at what he knew would be Graham’s reaction. He was terrified, but he cared about her, and his arms slipped around her back, holding her close. Oh, bloody, FUCK.

 

Bruce blinked once at the necking love birds, spotted thumping veins on the older man with the beard, and opened it up... eyes widening. "Yes... Dick left it for me on my desk. How... what?"

 

"I have a feeling everything’s about to explode." Clark whispered.

 

Oh, Shane just squealed. Chase! A chase! YAY! He giggled, squealed louder, and crawled as fast as he could, pamper crunching, paci dragging, eyes dancing. EEE! His best friend was so COOL!

 

He raced to the little closet, grabbed the little bit still open. Hmmmmmm. Tug...tug....uht oh.

 

Shayla finally let go of her lover when she felt herself starting to move against him, and knew she better stop before she went too far.  She moved her mouth up to Pete's ear, and pressed a hot kiss to it.  "I'll make you forget everything again, Pete, I promise... just as soon as we can get away."  She settled back on his lap, glaring defiantly at Clark.  "Did that answer your question??"

 

Lex put his hand on Bruce's shoulder.  "Bruce... Dick didn't write that letter to you," he said softly.  "Nobody knows who wrote it to who yet."

 

Rosalyn tumbled out of the closet, bringing her companion tumbling down to the floor with her as they both lost the support of the door they'd been leaning against. 

 

Lionel moved just quickly enough to prevent Shane from being hit in the fall as the door swung the rest of the way open.  "Dominic?" he called out calmly.  "I believe we have the solution to the problem of who wrote the letter."

 

"I... I wasn’t--" Silence.

 

Everyone quieted, as Lionel spoke...and the lot of them crowded the doorway.

 

Where Enrique was still wrapped, half nakedly, around Ms Rosalyn Senatori. "Aye, madre."

 

Bruce blinked once at the naked couple… then sighed softly and shook his head. "Oh, well. It was too smutty for my tastes, anyway." He pet Lex on the shoulder, and off he went.

 

Uht oh. Everyone was staring. What did he do? His granny was… HEY! Wait a darn minute here! Shane blinked. His daddy had told him always to wear clothes. What, when you got big you didn’t have to?! NO FAIR! And he opened his mouth, and let out a sob.

 

Dominic crowded next to Clark and Lex, peering down the hall...and promptly closed his eyes, and turned away, to his young friend. "I’m not seeing this. I’m not seeing this. I’m not seeing this."

 

Megan was right next to her brother, saying the exact same thing. "You ever say I shouldn’t take my clothes off again, Morgan, and you're dead meat."

 

"That kinda... Erm… gross." Clark frowned, nodded, grabbed Lex's hand, and tugged him back to the steps.

 

"Yeah...uh." Pete blinked. "Interesting." Especially because Shayla's kiss was making certain parts more… party, and he slipped his much larger fingers through hers. "We're... we're gonna... uh... go."

 

Lex shuddered.  "I didn't need to know this."  He looked over at Dominic.  "I'm not seeing it either, don't worry."  He patted Dominic on the shoulder.  "Help yourself to the liquor cabinet."  He let Clark tug him back over to the stairs.

 

At the sob, Lionel bent down and picked up the baby, rubbing his back and muttering soothing things to him as he wandered over to his lover.  "Would you like a drink, Jiminy?"

 

Lindy had a death grip on Graham's arm.  "Graham... tell me... do something Graham!  This minute!"

 

Graham nodded his assent, peeled Lindy's fingernails out of his arm, reached down, patted his mother on the head, kissed her cheek, and left without saying another word.

 

"Yeah, I think it's a good idea if we go.  Don't want to see this, not gonna see my Mama having sex."  Shayla grinned up at Pete.  "C'mon, I know a short cut through the passageways."

 

Rosalyn glared around at the others who were staring down at her, sniffed at them in distaste, and then looked back at her Latin lover.  "Help me up, darling, won't you?  Seems these ill-mannered hooligans don't know when to turn their backs." 

 

"I’m not seeing this. I’m not seeing this." His eyes were wired open. "I’m not seeing this." Blank look to Lionel. "Have I mentioned I’m not seeing this?" Then to his mother. "I adore you, mama. I adore you. But if you ever make pup tent commentary again, I will be forced to put this in your face." Then he linked an arm through his lovers, still staring. "I’m still not seeing this."

 

As soon as his bestest friend picked him up he was okay...wait! NO! He loved him, but oh DADDY! He sobbed, fingers wriggling for his dad, squirming and trying to get to him. "Papapapapapa!"

 

"Aye, amore mia." Enrique rose with a flourish, helping her up to her feet, and delicately covering the...well, naked parts with clothes once more. He caressed her back... her hair... then twirled, dipped her, gave her a hard, wonderful kiss, and lifted her back up. "Aye, flor, que guapa eres." Another kiss to her, and he held out his arm.

 

Lionel nodded.  "Yes, yes, I believe you have mentioned it."  He was grinning ear to ear.  "I, however, am seeing it in Technicolor.  And the next time she calls me little boy..."

 

"You will not speak to your mother like that, Morgan Senatori," Rosalyn chided as she straightened her blouse.

 

Graham paused in the doorway as soon as he heard his son screaming for him.  He turned around, walked back into the room, ignored his mother, took his son, and walked right back out again.

 

Rosalyn kissed Enrique deeply, fingers sliding through the soft black strands of his hair, giggling and clinging to him.  "If you'll excuse us, gentlemen... we were in the middle of something when you interrupted."

 

Oh, MY GOD. He turned, and all but dragged his lover out of the room, "Christ, God, Almighty Jesus my mother does not have sex! I AM NOT SEEING THIS!" So much for his holding off on the breakdown. "NOT seeing THIS! Oh my GOD! LIONEL!" He wailed it. "I’m never going to have an erection again! Christ, Jesus, and God Almighty!"

 

"Aaayyee...mi amor..." Enrique peppered kisses all down the column of her throat, gathering her up and going back into the closet.

 

 

 

 

-fin-

 

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