The Memoirs

Put it in. Words that had gone over his mind every time he was near this thing. Thing was...he was almost terrified of what he'd find when he did. He looked at his lover for a long moment...and nodded. It was time, now. For both of them.

Clark shifted and brought the key close, intending to fit it in, when it was suddenly taken from his hands. It floated upwards, all by itself, and Clark grabbed his lovers hand tightly as it did. "Oh, God."

Lex wrapped his fingers through Clark's as he watched. The key spun around several times in mid-air, as though it were dialing a combination on a combination lock, and then shot down into the identical indention of the ship.

A soft, vibrating thrum filled the air as a bright, yellow-white light started to show through the cracks of the cockpit where it was starting to open.

Clark was terrified. He'd never seen it do this, ever. His mother had told him about it when the tornado hit the year before, but Clark had never witnessed it. It was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen, and he was filled with fear and wonder all at once. From home. His real home. And he didn’t feel as the tears swamped and fell down his cheeks and an almost wind like movement flew across his face. The ship was humming almost silently, vibrating and moving, and Clarks fingers flexed tightly around his lovers. "Oh, God."

"It's okay, Clark. You don't have to be afraid." Lex slipped his arm around Clark's waist, clasping their fingers together.

The ship itself hovered in the air in front of him, the cockpit fully open now, and the same bright white light washing over both of them. Gentle touches, as though a thousand fingertips were stroking over his body in tandem, and then it left him and went to his lover.

Clark gasped and let out a loud sob, falling forward.

A hundred thousand images flooded his mind like a dam broken. Images of home, of toys and a sky line that was so completely foreign. The sky was a bright blue, almost white, clear and clean. The air was thinner, lovely, a woman.

Dark, flooded curls, a smile that Clark knew because he saw it in the mirror every day. An older man, beside her, with long white hair and kind eyes, tears falling down his face as a black lid came over him. Words he couldn’t understand, crashing, fire, blood. Crying because mama and daddy were hiding him and he was so scared.

Clark gasped, throwing his head back as the white light finally dimmed, panting for air as the tears coursed down his cheeks. In a single moment he'd felt millions of years of heritage and he was shaking with the flooded knowledge. So much to process and think about, as he let his head fall.

The ship was open.

Lex was glad of his borrowed strength as he caught Clark's body in his arms. The shaking frightened him, but through what was left of their link, he could feel overwhelming coursing of information being poured into Clark's brain, and he was very, very afraid that his lover was going to be overloaded with it. He tightened his grip, soothing the shakes in his lover's body, waiting for him to relax. "Clark? Baby, are you all right, talk to me?"

The last image he had, before his mind locked it up tightly to be experienced and thought about later, was a little tiny animal with brown fur and long ears. An animal Clark immediately knew as Pet, and the big purple eyes gazed at him with adoration.

Clark let out a gasping noise, eyes closed tightly until he was sure the vault was shut, and he gazed at his lover. "Holy fuck."

Lex's hands skimmed over Clark's body, checking him to make sure he was okay. His hand felt the ridge of stitches but they'd felt different than they had before, and as he lifted Clark's shirt... the gash was healed, and there was nothing but a scar there to show where it had been. "You... that was... okay. That was definitely fascinating, and you can't believe the questions I'm going to have for you later. However, that can wait." He turned back to the ship, where it hovered and hummed quietly.

Clark felt it too. His body felt....he felt different, energetic, life.

The ship had healed him.

He was in an almost silent awe of it, quietly gazing at his lover before he reached out. The ship opened before he'd finished moving his hand to it, with a quiet creak of age. A whoosh of displaced air, and Clark smelled something...like flowers, only much more foreign.

The scent of his mother.

"Lex. Oh, god."

"Clark? What is it?" Lex's arms were still around his lover's waist as they moved closer to the ship, and he felt the tremor move through Clark's body. "Baby, what is it?"

"M... my mom. Don’t you smell it? That’s m-my mom, my mom. Lex, that’s her." Clark was shaking, terrified to get closer but he had to. Too far now not to see. He leaned over the side of the ship, and looked inside.

And saw something so human it took his breath away.

The guts of the ship itself, the parts that had kept him alive on his journey across space were lying beside a tiny bed built into the ship. A rich, deep fabric a shade of blue Clark couldn’t identify. Two things lay on the tiny bed, and Clark’s face crumbled again as he reached inside for the first. A soft blanket, that felt so different then anything he'd ever felt on his hands. Soft, like touching a cloud, and unnaturally warm… as if its occupant had just left. It was vibrant, beautiful, and Clark took it out so very gently, gazing at it. A blanket, to bury their son in, just like Clark had done that morning.

He passed his eyes to his lover, and showed him, without a word.

He let go, let his lover hold it as he reached inside again, and came back with a small little toy. Like a stuffed animal, filled with the same softness as the blanket. It was the same shape as... "Pet. Its a toy of Pet."

Lex felt the warmth of the blanket, and with it, a rush of sadness, as though the people who'd touched it last were so incredibly, indescribably sad as they wrapped up their precious child in it. He brought it up to rub against his cheek without realizing it, empathy relating to the sadness as he held the blanket Clark had trusted him with.

The toy he looked at as Clark held it out, and the ears caught his attention. "That looks like a certain little Fuzzball you rescued from a blizzard."

Clark couldn’t speak, just holding the tiny toy in his large hands, because the memory that slipped from the vault was of this same stuffed toy, as his mama had slipped it in with him. It had seemed so big, much bigger then Pet was, and Clark couldn’t help biting his lips to keep the sob in, holding the tiny toy close to his chest.

And nearly screamed when the ship began to speak.

Numbers rattled off, but Clark couldn’t identify it… only knowing they were numbers. Until the ship recognized their speech pattern, something, because the mechanic voice said, "Quadrant 12048145DL0371. Earth, third planet from a large, nebulous star."

Silence.

Lex hugged Clark tightly to him, and then his eyes widened in shock. The numbers meant nothing to him, nothing at all, but somehow, the ship had triangulated in on where it was. "Yes," Lex said, feeling like a moron. "Earth. Third planet from the star. Single satellite in co-synchronous orbit with a cycle of thirty days." He stroked Clark's back as he spoke to the ship.

A whirring click... and the voice spoke again. "Identify yourself."

"Kal-El." Clark replied immediately, gripping his lover, the blanket, and the small toy between them. "My name is Kal-El."

"Kal-El. Son of Jor-El and Lara-El. Place your-" Whir. "-p-a-lm on console."

"Console? Console?" Clark turned to look at his lover before his eyes ran over the ship. "W… oh." A small console lit, with a handprint on it. Five fingers, normal palm. Clark placed his hand on the consol and the ship lit up once more, whirring and clicking, as if making adjustments within the ship.

Lex left his hand on Clark's shoulder, watching. "This... is fascinating." At this rate, Lex had a thousand questions to ask, and time for none of them.

Foremost on his mind was getting answers about Clark's body. How it worked... what he was supposed to look like inside, and why this horrible thing had happened to them.

More whirring. Clicking, shifting.

And without any type of preparation, Clarks father was sitting beside them.

Clark let out a scream and fell backwards, against his lover, because the man looked real. There was almost invisible rays of light where the projection was coming from, but the man looked real. He was crouched beside them, on one knee, the other brought up to his chest. Long, majestic hair and happy green eyes, with a full beard. He was an enormous man, robust with the health he'd experienced before life had ended for him, and he was smiling at the two of them so very kindly.

"Hello, Kal-El," the projection said kindly. "My name is Jor-El. And I am your father. I know you have a lot of questions, my son. And I don't know that I can answer them all in this short time I will be with you, so I have programmed myself into your matrix here. I am linked to all the knowledge that this ship possesses, and I will try to answer all that you ask." Jor-El blinked, and then he straightened, seeing that there was no small child in front of him, but two grown adults. "Ah. I am sorry about that, Kal. I had expected you to be..." a wry smile. "Younger."

The man was a mirror image of Clark. Older, with longer, paler hair and wrinkles, but the resemblance was uncanny. And Clark couldn’t stop staring, gripping the doll in his hands as he stared. "H… hi."

All the blood had run out of Clark’s face, still pasty with the injury from the days prior, and he swallowed down his heart as he straightened off his lover a little. "H... hi. Y... you... you're my dad?"

He was crying again, and didn’t even realize it. His home. His home, sitting here in front of him so real Clark felt he could touch him.

"Yes, I'm your father. Or the essence of him. Before you were sent away, I programmed myself--my personality, my knowledge, my feelings--into the artificial intelligence that controlled your birthing matrix. Throughout your journey, I was with you, though you were asleep and do not remember."

Lex was just... there were no words. There in front of him was a fully interactive holographic... person, obviously using the ship's interfaces, both data and visual, to observe and react to the environment.

That kind of technology was centuries away, even for people like himself who was on the cutting edge of technological advancement.

Suddenly, in a huge epiphany, Lex realized the enormity of what was happening here. Clark... was so far advanced over humans, and yet... he was the best of them. He didn't say a word, just observed, giving strength where he could.

Clark had so many questions he didn’t know where to start. And all he could do was sit there, and stare. His heart was alive with emotion, so much he wanted to say, but the right words just wouldn’t come out. He swallowed his heart, sitting forward a little, eyes wide as he reached out... and was shocked when he felt flesh. Skin, hair, clothes. A person. And his chin trembled. "Please, don’t think of me as a coward, Father. I am just so... I never thought I would see you. I am so alone, even in my adopted people."

"You are not a coward, son." Jor-El sat on the ground, Indian style, and rested his hands on his knees. "Sit down, Kal. Be comfortable. You've been through something very horrible, very painful. Healing of your body was easy, but it's the healing of your mind that I cannot do." He looked at his son. "You are alone, Kal, and for that, I am sorry. None other of our kind survived; no one believed me when I told them of the seismic upheavals that destroyed our planet Krypton. You were the only one of us saved, Kal, because your mother and I believed. We sent you away, so that you would not die, so that you might live on."

"I did. I have lived." Clark said down too, immediately, not feeling anything or anyone else. He was aware his aushna was close but he was trembling, his entire attention and focus on this man before him. The blanket and stuffed animal sat in his lap, and his eyes were focused, watching, absorbing as they sat here on the dusty earth. "I had... I had a baby. We didn’t know, father, we didn’t know what would happen. My aushna' and I, we didn’t know." He swallowed, hard, listening. Krypton, where he was from. Gone. "What were you, father? Were you a scientist? tell me, everything. I have so many questions, so much I want to know."

"So you have found your aushna'? That would please your mother greatly, to know that you have found the love with your mate that she and I shared." Another kind smile. "Kal-El, I know what happened to your child. You are too young yet to bear them." He paused, and the entire hologram flickered as the ship whirred, providing information. "You are barely out of your last cycle. Your body was not yet ready to support another life, but your heart was. It is an imperative that you feel, after bonding with your lifemate and your chosen friends. You know that you will not be complete without the bearing of children given from that love. Your heart will rarely listen to your body, Kal, and you must not blame yourself. You were not raised with the knowledge, as most of us are here. We are taught how to control these things. I had hoped that the people who found you would bring you here, and let you see the Matrix as it is now and discover me, but it didn't happen, and I am sorry." He sighed, and held out his hand to his son. "Do not blame yourself for this, Kal, and do not blame your aushna'. There is no blame here."

"My aushna' is a kind soul. He was made for me, I feel it in my soul. I love him so much... he claimed me, and I him." Clark whispered. He reached forward and grasped the hand offered to him, and the flesh and bone was so real. "How? How can I bear children, father? I am... I am male. On earth, here, where we are, the male of the species cannot bear children. I didn’t know... my aushna', he is a scientist too, father. He studied me, so we could learn more, and he said it seemed like I could. But we didn’t know, we didn’t know." His heart stuttered, and here, now, he ordered his throat to keep open, to keep speaking. During the most important moment of his entire life. "My parents...my family, on earth...you would like them, father. They are good people, and they love me very much. The key to open the ship was lost for a long time, and it is only now that I speak to you, because I was afraid of what I would find." He swallowed hard, listening silently. And his heart broke, tears filling his throat. "My son.... he could not breathe. He d... he died, in my aushna's arms, father."

Lex let go of Clark's hand then, afraid of crushing the now-fragile hand in his grip. It was normal; Clark wasn't sick, he wasn't dying, and it was neither of their faults.

A twelve year old couldn't bear a child; apparently Clark had yet to completely mature.

A weight rolled off his shoulders as he watched Clark with his father, still silent.

Jor-El squeezed Clark's hand tightly. "Then you must know that he passed to the Other in the best possible place he could have been--in love. A blameless soul who died in the arms of his father, loved for only his nature, will never pass into the Other in evil. Only in goodness, and he will be waiting for you."

"I know. I know it." Clark squeezed back. "I feel it. I know." His words stuttered. Everything now, everything was coming out, he needed to speak and ask, and the words were stumbling from his lips as fast as they could. "Where, father? Where was Krypton? What were you in life? What of my mother? What am I? I know nothing about myself...only that I can run very fast, and...I have gifts, father, that no one on the earth has. Tell me about them, what they are. Tell me why I am who I am… tell me what happened to Home. I remember, father, I remember you and mama, and Pet. I remember, just a little. But I can see you now, in my mind. Please, tell me, all you can. I need... need to know. Can I have children again? Will I die as it is on earth? What of the link Lex and I have?"

Jor-El laughed, and it rolled deeply in the storm cellar. Warm and baritone, it was smooth laughter of a parent who was thoroughly amused by his child. "So many questions, Kal-El. I will answer them all." He blinked out again, just for an instant, as the ship did further calculations. "Krypton was in the orbit of a red star, in every other way a match for the star that the Earth circles. Our star began to fade, and lose it's energy, and as it did, it began to affect the orbit and stability of Krypton.”

The laughter shocked him, and it brought a smile to Clarks face and sadness in his heart for having never known this man when he lived. He seemed so happy, with a zest for life and a personality that invited comfort and family. How different it could have all been, had they listened to his father and the world hadn’t ended. How completely different, but he blushed just a little and listened.

“There were seismic tremors, but nobody in the scientific community would acknowledge them at first, as they were deep in the planet's core. Only myself, your mother, and our most trusted friends--they are called sha'nauch--believed they were a danger. We even then started to prepare the matrix chambers for you and for your brother, but Kon did not survive his birth. You were our only child, Kal-El, and you were loved dearly." If a hologram could feel remembered sadness, this one felt it. "You were raised for four years on Krypton, during which time the tremors slowly became worse, and the damage irreversible by the time the Council took notice of them. We kept you with us until the last possible moment, and it was only as the planet exploded around us that we sealed you in the matrix, completed my download, and sent you into the safety of outer space."

Clark froze. A brother? A twin brother? He looked at the man before him in shock, blinking rapidly as his mind fought to process it. He'd been born a twin? God, it all made so much sense now. Since he was very young he'd always felt less then complete, as if a very vital thread had been cut too early and never knit. He nodded, though, silent, and he watched the emotions travel over the mans face, over those green eyes Clark shared the same hue with.

The hologram flickered as he changed memory banks. "I was a scientist, yes. One of the foremost on the planet, but I was considered a radical because I spoke out against the policy of ignorance the Council maintained. Your mother was an acclaimed artist, and she could make the crystals sing." He paused again, but did not flicker. "You... will not die, Kal. There is nothing on this planet that can kill you, as such. But you are dependant on one thing. The sun. On Krypton, the sun was red, but here? The sun is yellow, and it gives a different radiation and a different benefit. It affects your body differently, allows you to do things no one else can, and your body is fueled by the yellow sun."

Christ, it was so much, so much. These people who had given him life, who had loved him, and all this time Clark thought he'd been sent away because they hadn’t loved him and it was so far from the truth. He gazed at the man sitting before him, listened silently, and could see in his minds eye the destruction and death as it screamed around him, as his parents sealed him into the space pod.

And his heart broke, for his parents.

"I would have taken pride in calling you my parents." Clark said softly, squeezing the hand in his own tightly. "I will not die, father? But what of my aushna', my children? No one ever died on our home planet, father? No one had my powers? Lex, my aushna', he has my powers." Clark looked away from the man for the first time, and back at his lover. "When Mar-El was born I was too weakened. Lex saved me, father, by taking my powers. He believes....he believes I am capable of flight. I can run twice the speed of sound, I am able to hear many long distances. I can...I have red beams, like lasers? They come from my eyes and turn the things I look at to fire. No one has this, father? just me?"

"People died on our home, Kal. There were births and deaths, much as there were everywhere else in the universe where life reigns. But you are from a different place, my son. Remember that. You do not belong to the Earth; you are the Last Son of Krypton. You are not bound by the rules of this planet. The radiation from the yellow sun will slow your aging, and then you will simply cease to grow old, because the longer you are exposed, the stronger you will become." For the first time, Jor-El turned his attention to the other, silent person in the chamber. "And this is your aushna'?"

Clark listened, quietly. Not being bound to the rules of the planet was not an answer, and every answer at the same time. He listened to his fathers wise words, nodding quietly because that’s what he was supposed to do, and he knew it. But when his father looked away and towards Lex, the smile that lit Clarks face was lit with fierce love. "Yes." Pride. Deep, deep pride. "He is Oakenep-El. He is a good man, father."

Jor-El's hologram blinked out entirely for a few seconds, and then reappeared again, the same as it had been before. "Oakenep, that is a proud name that you bear. Come, come forward, let me see the mate my son has chosen."

Lex came forward quietly. "Jor-El," he greeted quietly.

"You... really don't know what to think of me, do you, young man? You feel strange talking to a hologram and yet it unnerves you because I am real."

Lex nodded. "Yes. It's very strange for me, and I am trying to comprehend it, and all the things that I am hearing and learning today, but it's not easy. Despite the fact I knew that Clark was not from this place..."

"...Seeing makes the believer from the skeptic," Jor-El finished for him. "Yes, our people have the same beliefs as yours, Lex Luthor." A raised eyebrow. "Yes, I know who you are. All that Kal knows, I know."

"Then you know how much I love your son."

Jor-El nodded, and then he turned to Clark. "Did you know that he has been touched by our planet? He is no longer fully human, but neither is he fully of our race. He is both, which is fitting, as he is to be your mate." He turned his attention back to Lex. "You, Oakenep, you will not die either. You will age, just as Kal-El will, and your aging will slow at a different pace. But as long as you are bound, you will not die. The touch of our planet to your body has seen to that."

Lex raised a hand and stroked unconsciously over his bald head, but he didn't say a word, too shocked to speak or believe.

Clark reached out and grasped his lovers hand tightly, linking their fingers and in doing so, made them a unit. And he let, through the link, the flow of life coming from the hologram enter his lovers mind. It wasn’t real, but entirely real at the same time. And with it, Clark gazed up at his father in sadness. "Father, when I came to the earth, I was joined by pieces of our planet. they hit the earth… killed thousands of people. They are here, in the earth still, and are full of radiation. We call them meteor rocks...and they hurt me, when I am near them. They alter my mental state, or--" he heard his fathers words, and tears swamped Clarks eyes as he turned to gaze at Lex. "He will be with me, father?" The comfort those words brought Clark swamped his body and heart, and his fingers tightened on his lovers.

Jor-El nodded. "He will be with you, Kal. That is the nature of aushna'. They will remain with each other until the ends of their lives." Then his eyes saddened. "Those fragments of our planet is all that is left of our home, Kal-El. They were irradiated by the sun of this planet and the atmosphere. You were protected from the radiation by the matrix; that was it's function."

And he suddenly gazed up at his father, and the sadness increased again. "Father... forgive me for asking a question I should have no place asking. But... have you traveled to the Other? or does the matrix keep you from peace? Please... for my sanity, I need to know. And if so, you must tell me how to release you from it."

Sudden gaze up, and Clarks eyes swamped with tears. "You are my birth parent, father?"

"No. Jor-El himself has traveled to the Other and is with your mother and your people. I am merely an echo of him, Kal. Do not worry. I am his essence; his personality, his knowledge. I am not him." His face softened with a smile. "I was. I gave birth to you and Kon, and Kon, like your son, could not breathe. It is a common difficulty among first births, Kal-El. We were lucky that you survived."

"Tell me. Tell me of Kon. Tell me what he was like... I didn’t know we were capable of multiple births. Why didn’t mama, father? Do the males always have the children? Father, I know nothing about myself. I want to know. I want to know how this is possible." And Clark added, quietly, "You loved me enough to give your soul to me, father. To give me a piece of yourself, when the world was dying around you. No one has ever done anything like that for me. No one has ever made me feel so unalone, aside from Oakenep. No one, and I feel... I am not so desperately alone anymore."

"All of our births are multiple births, Kal. There are always two children born, and they are born of the same sex, either both male or both female. Kon-El and Kal-El were the only sons of Jor-El and Lara. Kon was the eldest, as he emerged first from the birthing sac and into the world. Kal was the youngest, and it was only with his strength that Kon was able to be borne. Kon was born backwards, with his feet to the sac, and without Kal pushing him out, Kon would not have been born at all." A light flicker of the hologram. "Kon was borne of Jor-El's body as the great sun just crested the skies. Kal was borne moments later, following his brother into the world. Kon had the dorsal lung, to sustain him until the major lungs functioned, but he was born without them. Kon passed as he was held in his mother's arms, with Kal's hand holding his tightly."

Clark gazed at his father, and trembled. The pain was all too recent, the memory of it all too horrifying, and thinking about this type of pain for two children was both terrifying and something he would willingly accept to have children. And the words....his fathers words, with those great green eyes swamped in sadness, had Clark pressing his palm to his mouth as the sob built. "No. Father... no. How did... how could... how did you survive it? Father, the pain was so horrible. I have never... and when Mar-El passed, I didn’t... father." Clark forced his tears back down, as tightly as he could. Not now, not for now. "Is it always like that? Is the child birth always from the father? Kon was my other half... is it why I sometimes feel so incomplete?"

"Yes. Kon was your other half, and that is why you sometimes feel incomplete. I am sorry for that, Kal, but there is no way to remedy that. Had you been able to remain on Krypton, there were specialists on our world who dealt with incomplete children and helped them to overcome that feeling of lostness. The pain, for the father, is almost none. When the birthing pains begin, an incision is made across the father's back. The children are born from the birthing sac below the vertebral column, and after the fetal eruption, the sac will seal itself, and the incision is closed by the father's body and heals itself within moments."

Clark listened, quietly, and nodded. His pain, the blood loss, the agony... it could have been stopped, had they known. All that pain, and it wasn’t even necessary. "Will you tell me what I have on the inside? We are very similar to human beings, as my aushna' has told me. There are things that are different... as Oakenep's father said, the blood I lost during the birth of Mar-El was so much, an inhuman amount. Tell me, father. My inside, what is there? Is there anything else I should know, so that a horrible thing like this never happens again?"

Jor-El held his hands out. "There are many records inside of my memory banks, Kal. In them are anatomical constructs, physiological comparisons, all the things you ask me for. I do not know how to replicate them in a manner that will interface with the limited technology of this planet."

Clark nodded, swallowing hard. "The information is there, I just can’t get to it?" Like everything in his life. "I understand. Father... when the ship is closed, and I reopen it, will you come back?"

Lex surged to his feet. "But I know a way. Jor-El, the information you have access to, can you translate it? Into English, into our language?"

"Of course I can."

Lex turned on Clark. "The laptop, back at my office. If I wipe the hard drive of anything else and put just the OS on it, Jor-El and I can translate all the records and put them on the laptop so that you and I can access them, in English."

"Oh." Clark nodded, swallowing as he gazed at the man before him. He hadn’t really heard, but he understood what his lover had told him. "We will return for those records, father." He swallowed, hard. "I don’t want to leave you." A bite to his lower lip, tightly. This sadness, a deep sadness for himself that he'd never felt before, was violently alive inside of him. The full depth of his loss was unbelievable. And Clark understood now why his mother had never wanted him to come into the ship, because she knew this would happen. "Father, I am very sad."

"Kal, I will always be here. Any time you need to speak to me, access me. Activate the ship, turn on the console with your touch, and I will come to you."

But his father was dead. His mother was dead. His family, everything he'd come from was gone. He could never go home, and the sadness was extreme. "I know. It is a comfort I am grateful you thought of before you died, father." Clark reached forward, and squeezed his hand. He was alone, in the universe. Alone. And the full extent of that aloneness was, for the first time, crystal clear.

"I would not leave my son alone in the cold world, Kal-El. I would always have someone with you."

"I hope I’ve made you proud, father, even though my son is dead. I want to make you proud, even though you have already passed to the Other." Clark said, squeezing the hand again as his heart broke.

"You have made me proud, Kal-El. You have made me very proud." A click, a whirr, and a small drawer opened inside the ship. "Here, take this. This is the sign of our family, and I would not have it die with our people. Take it."

Clark rubbed at his eye, sniffling softly as he looked away, into the ship. It was a symbol, small and ornate on a piece of cloth. The shape of a snake...almost an S, in what looked like it was a triangle. "The symbol of our family, father?"

"Yes. It's been in the Family of El for as long as we have existed. It symbolizes the twisting path our family takes in quest for the truth and the equality of all."

"Thank you, father. Thank you, for everything you have given me this day." Clark pressed the cloth to his heart, and tried to keep himself strong, tried so hard. "I will make you proud, father. I will stand for truth and equality. I swear it to you, as your son."

"You are welcome, Kal." Jor-El gave his adult son a quiet smile. "Before you leave, I will answer two more of your questions, that I did not get to answer before." He could not walk far from the ship that generated his hologram, but he could cross the few steps to his son. "For the first... yes. You and your aushna' will be able to have children again. But wait. Wait until this time next cycle. Your body will have matured, by then, and you will be ready to carry them. Second... the link that you and your aushna' share will repair and intensify over time. Soon you will be able to read his thoughts with a brush of your fingertips to the back of his hand, and his feelings will be yours."

God, it was what he needed. His heart stuttered in his chest and he nodded, eyes filling all over again. He wasn’t ashamed of his emotions in any way, and he nodded, holding the precious items from his home tightly to his chest. His lover, his beautiful lover, the reason he lived and breathed and existed all in that slender bald man who he loved with every fiber of his being. "He makes it better, father. When I’m with him, none of this hurts so much. We have had problems in our past, but he is unlike anyone I have ever known." Clark turned his eyes on the man again. "I want children. I want so many children, and I wish you and mama could be here to see them." A heavy swallow. "When it is finally my time, father, will Lex and I go to the Other? Will our children, even being half human, be able to join us as well?"

Jor-El's hologram flickered as he accessed the theological files of the ship's data bank. "Yes. You and your aushna' will travel to the Other together, and your children will find you there when they have gone. As long as there is Kryptonian blood in them, your family will find you in the Other."

Thank you. Thank you, father." Clark nodded, hard. "When I am ready, I will come to you again. I will come back, and I will ask questions. I thank you, for everything you've given me. You've answered so many of my questions."

"You're welcome, Kal." Jor-El smiled. "You can ask of me anything, and if it is within the knowledge available to me, I will answer it."

Clark couldn’t stop himself. He walked forward and touched the flesh and bone, what felt real, and hugged his father, tightly. Buried his face in hair that smelled so different then anything he'd ever smelled, and hugged him, hard, holding him close. The weight, the bulk of the much larger man, and Clark rubbed his face into his shoulder. "I know you’re only the echo of my father, but I thank you, anyway. I promise to be a good man."

Jor-El hugged Clark tightly, returning the fierceness of his son's hug. "You are welcome, Kal-El. I am proud of the man that you've become already; you have found your lifemate, you have found a life here. That is more than we'd hoped when we sent you away, and you have fulfilled every dream your mother and I had for you. We are already so proud of you, Kal."

Clark hugged him, tightly, for just a moment more before he let go, nodding fiercely as he pressed the blanket, toy, and bit of cloth tightly to his chest. "You can never know how good that makes me feel, father. I survived because I have your blood, and you were a strong man. You were a good man, and everything I do in my life will center on that goodness you gave me from your soul. Thank you, father. Oakenep-El and I will return soon, to you."

Jor-El nodded. "I will see you upon your return here, Kal-El. You are welcome for everything that I have done, and for anything that I may yet do."

Clark nodded, gave him one last smile, and lifted the key from the ship. It closed down, the hologram evaporating, the kind face gazing at him as it shut down. The pod closed, the lights shut off, a soft whir of electricity closed it down to rest.

And Clark stood there, unable to move.

Lex took the key out of Clark's hand, and tucked it in his lover's pocket. "Come on, Clark. It's time for us to go home." He wrapped one strong around Clark's waist, the other around his shoulders, and started tugging him towards the cellar stairs.

Clark followed, silently. He wrapped the blue blanket around the little toy and bit of cloth, to look at and study when he they got back to the mansion, and he tucked all of that into his jacket. The weight of the world had settled like stone on his shoulders, the sense of loss acute and sharp as a tack. He was so desperately, amazingly sad. Sadder then he'd ever felt. He'd lost his parents, a brother he'd never known about, his son. He would never die, and would have his aushna' and the children they would bear. But he would never have a home he could go to, explore. There would never be people to show him how to live his life, and for the first time since he'd been here, he became aware of what the term "orphan" truly meant. He was as his father had said...the last son of Krypton. A place that now existed all around him, though he could never go to.

It broke his heart. "Oh, Lex."

Lex just tightened his arms around Clark's shoulders as he pulled him down to sit on the top stair of the staircase. "I know, baby. I can't imagine it, but I know it. I feel it for you." He rocked Clark against him gently. "I know it, baby. I know it."

There were no tears for this sadness. All Clark could do was sit down beside his aushna', and thank God he was here, as he lay his head on Lex's shoulder. He was so aware of it, and now all he had were these three little items in his coat, his memories, and that man in the computer. "He was a handsome guy, right?"

"Not as handsome as his son." Lex hugged him tightly. "Kinda reminded me of Dad, with all the hair and the curls."

Clark hugged him, very softly back, and stared into the darkness where his father had just sat. "He loved me. He loved me like you and I loved Mar-El...he loved me enough to give himself to me when he knew he would not survive. He loved me, even when Kon was dead. He loved me in my aloneness, Lex. He was a good man...he gave me such a gift."

"Yes, he did," Lex agreed softly, letting his lover talk. "He loved you more than he loved his own life. Instead of finding a way to escape himself, he found a way for you to escape, and he stayed to the last to make sure that you would live."

He was so alone. He had Lex, would always have him, but the feeling of being alone, of loneliness, was fierce. And Clark began to shake, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth as he leaned close to his lover. And the tears still refused to come. "He is in the Other. He has our son now, Lex. Our son is taken care of. I thought...I thought for a long time that they had sent me away because they didn’t care. I never thought they sent me away because they cared so much. He was such a good man. I met him, and he… in there, he hadn’t seen me in so long, and he loved me regardless."

Lex pulled his lover's head against his shoulder, pressing Clark's face against him. "He will help Mar-El find us, when we do finally pass to the Other. And if we don't pass, then Mar-El will not be alone; he will be with your father."

"We will pass, one day. You must tell me, when you're ready, if you want a long life with me. I would never subject you to something you don’t want." Clark said softly... staring at nothing. "I am so alone. I have powers even my own people never had. I will have a long life my own people never had." In a single day, he'd buried his son, his home, and his parents. Crushing sadness, and Clark let his lover go, to stand. "Lets go get the puppies, and take them home. They've got to be hungry."

"Clark... I know the answer to that now." He pulled Clark back down beside him. "I know the answer. Look at me, baby." He waited until Clark looked at him. "I love you, Clark. I want a long, long life with you. I want a life as long as our love is strong."

Clark sat again, looking at his lover as the lump in his throat grew hard. "You have to be sure. You have to know. Your family and friends will die around you, Lex. We will have to hide, change our names when no human being lives past an age you will live to. You have to know, our friends children, and their children, and their children will die around us. Our parents and friends. Everyone we love will die, Lex. Can you live that life with me, hold my hand and walk through it with me? You are everything. Everything. You are the only reason I haven’t lost my mind." Clark reached forward and grasped his face, pulling Lex in tightly to his body. "I love you, Lex. I love you. You are my mate in life. You are everything."

"I am sure, Clark." He wrapped himself around Clark as Clark pulled him in. "I told you before, that you are my everything, and I'll give up everything else I have in life, so long as I have you."

Clark stroked over the back of Lex's head, holding him close to his body for a long moment, before he let go, and took his hand. "Lets go home, Lex. Lets get the babies and go home. Okay?"

"Okay." Lex pulled himself up as he held Clark's hand. He waited until Clark had the storm cellar securely locked again, and then he swept Clark up into his arms. "I love being able to do that to you."

Clark started, because it was just so strange, and gave his lover a ghost of a smile. He grabbed onto his lovers neck and pressed his face close, nodding silently. He wanted nothing, but his bed and his things.

"You want to pick up the babies and then go, or let me take you home and come back for the babies?" Lex snuggled his face into Clark's cheek before pulling him close.

"I want to take the babies. They’re ours now, we have... have to take care of them." Quietly, as he pressed closely. Surrounded by people, and more alone then he'd ever been. "I love you, Lex. I am so honored you are mine."

"I love you, Clark. You'll always be mine." It took seconds to get back to the barn, and Lex leapt from the ground in through the window. The babies were still sleeping in their box, and he handed the box to Clark. "Can you handle the crate while I run?"

He nodded. His back didn’t hurt anymore, though the scar was tight and strange, and his insides were knit. And it was his heart that hurt every time he moved. But Clark took the box silently, looking about in surprise and a soft kind of numbness. "Yes. Lets go, before my dad comes home."

"Okay." He nuzzled Clark's throat gently, tightened his grip, and jumped. He hurtled the fence, soaring--despite Clark's vehement earlier protests--over it, and Lex knew that Clark could indeed fly. More precious seconds later, and they were standing at the front door of the mansion. "Here we go."

Clark had the crate tightly to his chest, and they ran, raced, as fast as they could across the bare expanse. when he felt his lover stop he trembled, swallowed hard, and looked up. "Home?" And to reassure his lovely lover, "And you didn’t run into any mailboxes?"

Lex lightly thumped the back of his lover's head. "I didn't run into any mailboxes, cows, or little old ladies trying to cross the street. Nor did I crush any babies."

Clark laughed a little, nodding as he struggled down from his lovers arms. Vertigo gone, he looked under the blanket, where the three tiny dogs were asleep, and nodded at his lover, before asking out of the blue, "Want to swim with me? In… in your big swimming pool." He asked softly.

Lex opened the door to the mansion, and he was hit with almost a physical wall of sadness and depression. The urge to cry and rant and rage that he'd been resisting all day came back with a vengeance. He tightened his hand on Clark's shoulder. "I'd love to, baby," he said quietly.

He felt it. And Clark cried. He felt his lover, even through their beaten, abused, ripped link swamp in sadness, and Clark felt such a pity for himself and his love. He turned and pressed his arms around his lover, hugging him tightly to his body, because he just didn’t want his lover to be sad. He didn’t. He didn’t want his lover to feel this and knew it wasn’t in his power to stop it. He kissed his cheeks, his face, holding him as he stood there.

And wept. "I love you. I love you."

"I love you, Clark." He stroked his lover's hair gently, running his fingers through the thick strands, comforting him and murmuring quietly. "I love you much, Clark. You're my saving grace, baby. I don't know what I'd do without you."

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