The Memoirs

Lex peeled his leather jacket off and left it sitting in one of his cars. The cold didn't bother him; since he'd absorbed Clark's powers, he'd felt this need to connect with the sun and the outdoors. He didn't even run to town; he walked instead, breathing in deep lungfuls of crisp air as he did.

As he walked, Lex probed gently at the connection he'd had with Clark. It disappeared even as he sought it, the silver threads crumbling as he watched.

It saddened him on a level he wasn't even aware of, and terrified him more. But... he had faith. For the first time in a long time, he had faith that if he could... just win Clark back, then they would endure until somehow, the link was re-established.

It was almost a quarter of four, and he knew Clark would already be working. As soon as he hit the city limits, he hurried over to Nell's shop. He emerged moments later with a red rose, and he pushed open the door of the Talon.

Clark had been alive for seventeen long, illustrious years. And in all that time, he never thought he would become a coffee slinger, serving it up. He was wearing standard Clark gear...a dark sweater and deep blue jeans. The apron of course completed the ensemble, but he ignored it, working with it. He had his tray, he had his little pad and pen. Nell had thrown him in head first, as she didn't really have any time, but with the help of the other girls working there, Clark was mastering this whole waitering technique thing.

And as jobs went, this one wasn't so bad.

He was unaware of anyone entering or leaving...all he did was keep count of his tables, scanning them occasionally as he logged the orders. Nell had begun a new system, wanting to see the coffee that most people consumed. So Clark lifted the pen after Allison had set it down, smiling at the pretty red head before he wrote down the order, wiping his palms on the apron.

Lex didn't call attention to himself, just slid into the first empty booth he saw on the side of the restaurant Clark seemed to be working. He put the rose on the table, and then leaned back in the booth, just watching his lover.

His fiancé, if Clark would still have him.

Clark picked up his next piece of paper. Two mocha's, a vanilla latté, and a chocolate espresso. He'd gotten the hang of using the espresso machine, and latté and mocha weren't that hard. He made a mistake or two, but as he served he got better at it.

Busy work. It kept his mind off his life, his situation, his loss, his everything. it kept him moving, kept his blood pumping. He could almost pretend he wasn't Clark Kent... that he was just some teenaged guy working the local coffee shop. A guy with parents waiting for him, an annoying brother or sister to kick around, a friendly dog. Yes, he could pretend.

Lex just watched. Watched the movements that seemed to be on auto-pilot, watched the movements that were done thoughtlessly and yet, nearly flawlessly. He rolled the stem of the rose between his fingertips, but he didn't want to distract his aushna' from his work. He just... watched. And waited. He was good at waiting, and he could wait for Clark for as long as it took.

He caught his tongue between his teeth, watching the espresso machine as he put it on to work, latte's and mocha's being made simultaneously. Cream, foam, chocolate and cinnamon, and he set both on the tray, working his little espresso too. A few napkins, a plate of cookies, and off he went, carrying his tray to table 2, smiling at the group of older women as he served them. "There, we are. Refills are on the house, just motion me over." Clark said easily, nodding and smiling as he straightened and looked across the small room.

And saw Lex.

And realized, a moment later, that he hadn't had any inkling. Hadn't felt Lex enter at all. And the stabbing, knifing pain was intense, as he looked away.

He had to serve him eventually. He didn't want to, but he had to. So he straightened, putting on his most companionable face, and walked over to him.

Lex winced at the look that crossed Clark's face. A mixture of pain and sadness that he absolutely hated on his aushna's face, and he growled softly at it. But as Clark came towards him, Lex's expression softened, until he was smiling, just a little, at his lover.

"What can I get you?" Clark asked, pulling his pen and paper out of his snug back pocket. Anything not to have to look at him.

"The phone number of the cute guy waiting my table," Lex said softly, hoping to get Clark to look at him. "I brought flowers and everything."

"Some guys can't be bought." Clark said back easily, holding the pen poised as he repeated, "What can I get you?"

"I'm not looking to buy anything, just... try to make peace." He studied the board over Clark's shoulder. "Pie. Humble, if you have it."

"Only have cherry." Clark said, though it was quiet. "Would you like coffee with that?"

"No, thank you. I didn't come here for the coffee, actually." Lex tried to catch his lover's eye. "I came here to find someone who means a great deal to me."

"Lots of people come in the shop everyday." Clark answered, unable to look at him as he turned on his heel and walked to the counter, setting his order down as he walked around the long counter, getting the pie out from the nice metal fridge.

Lex just watched as Clark got the pie out of the fridge, and he sighed. This wasn't making any progress, and without the reassurance of the link between them, letting him know the ebb and flow of Clark's feelings...

Lex felt totally out of his depth. And it scared him, because he didn't know what to do next, or what to say.

Clark warmed the pie in the oven, filling out his second order of sun kissed bagels and hot cocoa for the young teens in the corner of the room, another refill for old Mr. Rubenstein, and when he finally walked back to the counter, he got out Lex's pie, set a fork on it, and walked back to his table, setting it in front of him silently.

When Clark set the pie down in front of him, Lex caught his wrist. "Clark... please."

Clark looked at him, and his eyes were dangerously glinted for a second before he hid it easily. "Please let go."

Lex dropped his lover's wrist instantly. "I'm sorry. I thought--I thought I should try and talk to you. If that's not what you want... tell me. Now. Because I don't know anymore."

"You don't know anymore because you slit our link in half." His voice was pleasant but his words cut, as he straightened his back. "You and I are not cool right now. So why are you here?"

It hurt. Deeply. "I came to see if anything we had could be salvaged. I came to see if Richie was right about the future he said he saw for us together. But if he was wrong, and there is nothing left, tell me now. And I'll go. And I won't bother you again, if that's what you want."

"I'm working. I can't be talking to you about this now. I can't lose my job after working it for an hour." He was so close to losing it. Losing it all. He'd miscarried a child seventy two hours ago, and it was a complete culture shock to be here, to have gone to school, for any of this to be happening. He was desperate to fall apart and just knew he couldn't. He wished he were dead, with all his being.

"You won't lose your job, and if you did, you'll find another one. But if the job is more important to you than anything else, then so be it." He left the rose on the table, put the money for his pie under it, and started to slide out of the booth. "I'm sorry I took your time up."

It had all been for nothing. At the end, he'd be alone. He would always be alone. "I'm sorry I let you in my life. I'm sorry you can do this to me, and I let it happen."

"I'm not sorry, Clark. I'm not sorry I knew you, and I'm not sorry I love you. What--" His throat closed, and he choked through it as he stood up so his words were for Clark's ears only. "What I am sorry about is that the faith you asked me to have, you don't have. What I am sorry about is that our love, our relationship is going to die with our child. But if you're asking me to be sorry that I love you? No. I can't--I won't--be sorry for that." He swallowed hard, past the burning knots in his chest and the hard, tight bands that constricted him.

"I have no faith. In nothing." Clarks face was carefully blank, and unintentionally dead. "Not you, not Lionel or Dominic. Not anything. No faith, in anything. And our love is dying, yeah, it is. I can't feel you anymore. I can't feel anything anymore." Softly spoken, as he looked up. "I'm sorry I love you. If I didn't, you would be fine, now. I brought this to you. I bring this to everyone. But why the fuck not, right?" He let out a little laugh, motioning to the cafe. "Life's a stage. Too bad we can't just get up, play on it, and go on."

The death on Clark's face terrified Lex down to his soul. "I'm not sorry you love me, Clark. I'll never be sorry about that. And I'll never be sorry that you loved me enough to give me a family." He looked down at the table. "If I can have faith in us, Clark, you can too. You asked it of me; I'm asking it of you. Believe. Please."

A slight shake of his head, as he picked up the tip, the pie, and began to walk back to the counter. "I have to work. I have--"

"Clark! Hey, Lex." Chloe, with a soft smile on her face, saddled up beside her very sexy bald billionaire friend. Her hair was relaxed and pinned up, a deep green skirt and magenta shirt in place, as she looked at the both of them hopefully.

"Hey, Chloe." Instant smile, as he set his tray down on the counter and went around, passing another waitress. "Want some coffee?"

"Hello, Chloe." Lex sat back down in the booth and slid over to let Chloe in, then slid out the other side. "I was just leaving."

Clark turned his back to them as he made another mocha, and his heart burned. He was a heart broken man, but seeing the last of his relationship slipping from his fingers destroyed him. And if he'd ever felt he had nothing before, this cemented it. He could have Lex back. He could swallow his pride and ask for his lover back. But he just couldn't do it, couldn't open his mouth to speak.

"Well, that's alright. I just wanted to let you both know that your dad and Dominic just got the permits to build in Smallville." Chloe held up the newspaper. "It just broke. The town is going nuts."

And Lex couldn't bring himself to leave. He sat back down at the table and took the paper. "Dad'll love this; he always loves building up a shitstorm." He put his head behind the tall, black and white pages, pages that had always been a shield to him, until now. "Surprised he and Dom didn't build up a conference to release the news."

"Thaaats because they don't know." Chloe sighed, setting her chin on her hand. It was strange, but she'd been devoid of Lex and Clarks feelings all day. She didn't think much of it, though, as she wasn't aware of it, simply pointing at the newspaper. "Metropolis is rightly pissed that LuthorCorp is moving... and Pete's mom caught whiff of it, so she got all the paperwork in order before Metropolis could get their lawyers involved."

"Dad... doesn't know?" Somehow, Lex couldn't quite bring himself to care. "That's a feat and a half right there, I'll tell you." He closed the newspaper, and folded it carefully along the creases before passing it back to Chloe. "I should go home and see if I can do damage control, but Dom can do it better than I could anyway."

Clark had been staring at the same cup of coffee for the past minute and a half, watching the foam with half lidded eyes. He could feel irritation from the people wanting their coffee, and like Lex, couldn't bring himself to give a shit over other people. He just watched the foam move, the sprinkles sink down into the rich sweetness, and thought about moving. At least thought about it... doing it was another matter all together.

Lex picked up the rose, thought about snapping the stem, but didn't. "Chloe... you should be the one to know first. I think... I think Clark and I are over." And it nearly killed him to say it, and his gray eyes silvered over with heavy tears. "I thought you should know first. Because you're close. To both of us."

Clark's face crumbled. His shoulders shook as he lowered his face, his forehead gently touching the cappuccino machine. Knowing it and hearing it were two different things, and he felt like a piece of his soul was being ripped away from his body. He rose a hand, touching the side of the machine softly. His fault. If Mar-El was here, if Clark had done something differently, this wouldn't be happening. Lex wouldn't be finishing this.

Chloe's eyebrows lifted. Hard. And she looked at Lex, gaping almost as she looked from him, to Clarks back, to him. "You what? Are you kidding me? *You* two?"

Lex shook his head. "I'm not kidding you, Chloe. I don't know what else to do. I tried to come here and talk to him... but he wouldn't listen. He wouldn't hear me, and he's so angry with me. Because of the fight in the Torch. I can't... I can't do this any more, Chloe. I've done everything I can. I asked him to have faith in me, and he doesn't. He won't. He doesn't have faith in anything, not even us." Lex dropped the rose on the table again. "I brought this for him--he wouldn't accept it. Said that he couldn't be bought."

He couldn't stay here. He couldn't. He reached behind him, untying the apron and lifting it over his head as he walked through the kitchen door, passing Nell on his way. Not a word to her but "I'm sorry." And he kept right on walking, out the back door where he could breathe. He wanted Riley's field… he wanted his barn, his couch, his place, where he could decide what to do. End it, now. Continue on, find a silver lining and strive for it. Weak and strong, strong and weak, and he was a mess of thoughts, emotions, nerves, fears. He felt so completely human.

Or so he pictured. He hadn't moved, still pressed to the cappuccino machine. His mind was flickering, in and out of reality. The pain of losing aushna' was unspeakable, and it was too soon after Mar-El. Much too soon. He was going to lose his mind, right here in the coffee shop.

Chloe blinked, several times... looking from Lex, to Clark, to Lex again. "What? Because of the fight? Are you kidding me? Do you even remember what you fought about?" She felt sick and light headed. "You guys... just need to calm down, okay? This has been a really stressful time, and taking it out on one another is not the way to go."

"I remember," Lex said softly. "I remember exactly what it was we fought about." Bitter stab in his heart. "Clark... said I didn't have faith in us." He didn't move his eyes from Clark's form, hunched against the counter. "Now he doesn't. And I've lost him--the only person who's meant anything good to me, I've lost." Lex sighed. "I didn't mean you, Chloe. You mean a lot to me. Just... not in the way Clark does."

His father... his earthly father, had told him something a long time ago that matters of the heart weren't always fought with the head but the soul. And it was his words running through Clarks mind that had him turning. People needed their mochas. They were going to have to wait. He opened his mouth, trying to speak, but no words would come free. Closed... try again. "I'm sorry."

Lex's ears didn't miss it, and he snapped his head up from it's droop at the table, eyes boring into Clark's.

"I'm sorry." He repeated. His voice was raspy, his face held blank by a thread. "I'm just so sorry."

Lex pushed up from the table, weaving through the people sitting there until he got to the counter. He owned the fucking place; nobody was going to care if he went behind it. "Don't be sorry; just say you love me."

"I'll always love you." Clark rasped, softly, clearing his throat a little bit as he watched Lex walk to him.

Lex closed the distance between them until he was standing almost in Clark's personal space. "Daphstemlin'aq, aushna'." (I love you, aushna')

"Daphstemlin'aq, Lex." Clark repeated softly, looking at him quietly. He looked so tired...so old. He looked how Clark felt, in every way possible. "Polent eqw r' netewerst." Dully spoken, as he gazed over Lex's face. (I wish I was dead.)

"Netesk. Neteski polen. Polent sha'mireesko." (I don't. I don't wish it. I wish we were together.)

"The link is gone." He whispered, gazing at Lex with only the counter between them. "Its gone. We are no longer aushna'. Not connected, not anything. Its gone. It was broken."

"We are always aushna', Clark," Lex said softly, achingly. "We can rebuild the link. With or without it, we are aushna'. It was broken by pain, but it can be rebuilt with love."

"I have pain." Clark whispered, as the other waitresses glared at him to do his job. "Hot pain, in my inside. Do you still want me?"

"More than my own life," Lex answered, without hesitating. "Because I am not whole without you; can never be whole without you again."

"Then why? Why did you break it? Why did you push away? Do you hate me, for Mar-El? Do you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate you." Lex held out his hand over the counters. "I wanted to protect you. I thought I was losing my mind. I shut you out to protect you. Then you told me to leave you alone. So I closed it all down. I didn't know the link would shatter; I didn't mean to break away."

"I make it seem its all your fault." Clark said softly, hesitating for a moment before reaching over the counter. The touch was warm, their masculine palms clasping, and instead of the warm rush he expected in his mind, all he felt was warm skin and a firm grip. "I screamed at you. I'm sorry. I'm a hypocrite. I don't have faith in anything."

Lex closed his fingers over Clark's, and held them tightly in his own. "I do. I have faith in us. I love you, Clark. If you can believe in anything, believe in that." He squeezed his lover's hands carefully, not wanting to hurt him. "Tonight. It's your birthday. You're seventeen. An adult, through all your cycles. Tonight we'll start over. Tonight we'll rebuild."

His face crumpled all over again. He was seventeen today. He'd forgotten it was his birthday. A day he'd wanted to throw a party, have cake and fajitas, maybe do something stupid like get drunk. But that wasn't for him, and he accepted it like he did everything else. "I love you, Lex. I'm so tired. I'm just so tired. I'm tired of everything." He said softly, not being able to move as he looked at his lover. "I'm glad you proved me wrong."

"Come home before sunset," Lex whispered. "We can say goodbye to Richard together." He brought Clark's hands to his mouth for a kiss. "I love you, Clark. I still want to marry you, if you'll have me. I want to make you happy." He reached up and touched Clark's cheek with his fingertips. "You can open your presents."

"I love you. It never changed." Clark said softly, rubbing his cheek dry of the tears that had slipped out as he picked up his tray again. "have to work. I'll....I'll be home, soon." He said softly, looking at him once more as he picked up the still warm coffee.

"Do you want me to stay?" Small smile. "I'm a good tipper."

Clark nodded, then choked out a soft giggle at Lex's little joke, chin dimpling as he reached over the counter to kiss him. Softly, gently, tenderly. "My purpose is you."

Lex returned the soft kiss tenderly. "I'll be at my table." His fingers stroked Clark's jaw. "You are my everything."

~ * ~ * ~

The two hours passed faster then Clark thought they could. He slung coffee, oh guru of the ground beans, magi of the mocha. His little apron was streaked by the time five forty five rolled around, and his shift over as the next young woman was there to take over for the rest of the night. Not bad. About a hundred bucks a week. He could work with that.

The girls had been sending him looks all evening, checking out his tushie he was sure, but it hadn't been long before they realized he only had eyes for Lex Luthor. Or so it seemed, when the tiny red head, Allison, whispered in his ear to be careful, giving him a big hug and pushing him gently towards Lex.

The coffee shop was full to brimming, people laughing and talking over their post dinner coffee and cake, talking loudly. And through it all, Lex had been sitting in his booth, watching him, carefully nursing his hot mocha that Clark refilled for him every once in a while. He was tired, very tired, but the heat of sleep was good on his bones. He could ignore his mind, his soul, and concentrate on the mundane things of life.

And it was that, the mundane, that Clark was thinking about when he rose his eyes and came face to face with Pete Ross.

Hadn't been all that hard after all to find Clark. He just... sort of let his feet carry him as he thought of where his friend might be hanging out, and sure enough, his feet didn't fail him. They never had yet.

He opened the door to the restaurant, looking around for Clark and pushing his own temper and own anger aside for a minute. He didn't expect to see Clark in an apron serving coffee. But he could deal. "Clark!" he called out, not even knowing what Clark's reaction might be.

"Hi, Pete." Clark said quietly, on guard, his eyes flickering over his friends face as he hid his emotions like a shield, smiling easily. "How are you today?"

"I'll make it." Which wasn't a lie. "Look... didn't know you were workin'. When you get off?"

"Its my first day." He answered, putting the empty cups from table one on his tray, and pulled out his dish rag, cleaning the table quickly for one of the several couples waiting for a table. He dried it with a dry kitchen towel, making sure the seats were clean as well before putting it all on his tray and heading towards the front counter. "About five minutes."

Pete moved out of the way in the busy coffeehouse. "Can we... maybe talk, after you get off?" He danced back and to the side again, weaving around and ducking people as he tried to talk to his friend. "Needta talk."

He couldn't get the thought of what Clark had been through out of his head, though he didn't show it.

"Not really. I've got to go home with Lex...get my homework done." Clark said easily, side glancing at him as he emptied his tray and set the next order on the table, going around the counter to fill it as quickly and efficiently as he could. "What do you need to talk about?"

Pete hitched up onto one of the stools and rubbed his temples. What, he'd thought this was gonna be easy? He was a prideful guy, but sometimes you just had to suck it in and now was one of those times. "Wanted to apologize to ya for bein' an ass."

Clark stopped a minute, mid latté, his back turned as he finished it, a little more slowly. "There's nothing for you to apologize for, Pete."

Gritting. Teeth. "Yeah, there is. Man... I've been a shitty friend lately, I know it, didn't mean to be."

Clark turned, to look at him. "Look, Pete. I don't know what attack of conscious brought this on, but frankly? I don't have time for people who are going to bring any type of drama to my life, to add to what's already there. I'm tired, of pretty much everything, and if you're here to hash it out and make me feel bad, than I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Alright?" Clark loaded his tray with his latté's and cakes, and if he ever saw another strawberry cookie he'd die. He lifted the tray easily, walking around the counter and heading to table four.

Pete just sighed. Again? His life, easy? Course not. More pride swallowed, but dammit, he'd been Clark's friend since they were all like, six years old and he wasn't throwin' that out the window. He didn't move; he was good at being the immovable object. People jostled around him at the counter but he didn't move, just waited for Clark to come back.

It took Clark a minute or two, to set the food in front of the elderly couple as he smiled at them, and walk to the trio of friends that had gotten table one. They were school mates of his, and he took their orders quickly, sharing a joke with them before walking back to the counter with the next order.

And Pete was still here. Fucking hell. He sighed, looking at him as he loaded a plate with the order, taking cookies and cakes from the glass covered plates sitting on the counter.

"Not here to add drama, Clark," Pete said, as soon as Clark came back to the counter. "Here to get it out botha our lives."

"Pete, the only way for their not to be any is for you to accept that Lex is my boyfriend. Fiancé, now. Can you accept that? Accept that I love him, that I'm gay? Can you?" Clark asked, eyebrow high. A moment of thought...quiet, as he hashed it out. His mind was working on auto pilot, hiding his true state of being fiercely even as he spoke in his no nonsense tone. "I'm sorry. For not being there for you."

"Man, shit. The problem ain't you bein' gay, and it never was!" He growled it. "Problem is, you and Luthor. But... long as he treats you aight, then we ain't gonna have a problem. Cause I can suck it in and make nice long as he does right by you." Then he paused too. "It's cool, though. We both had shit. Wasn't there for you, either, so we're okay."

"I didn't even know about Sam." Clark said, filling the cups of regular java and espresso quietly. "I didn't know. I'm sorry, Pete." And he couldn't look at him, as the young lady who would be replacing him for the evening tapped his arm.

Christ, he was a HUNK. Muh. Rowr. Lucy gave him a once over, one slender, highly styled brow raising in sheer appreciation, as she gave him a once over. Long legs, firm buns, broad chest, and all that hair. Oh, lordy. The lips, the hips, the... oh. Uh huh. Okay. She grinned, glad she'd done her hair up for the evening, and set a palm on her very snugly jeaned hip, smiling in pleasure. "Hi. You must be Clark. I'm Lucy Nicks, I'll be taking over for you at night."

"Hi, Lucy." He was distracted but Clark shook her hand, pulling his apron off, already stitched with his name on it, and setting it on the hook to be washed for tomorrow evening. A little smile at her as she grinned at him like a light bulb, and he walked around the counter, looking at Pete. "If you can let it go, I can let it go. But promise me something."

Pete just shook his head. Now there was the Clark that he knew; girl was hittin' on him with a damn sledgehammer and the boy was clueless. as. hell.

"I c'n let it go," he nodded.

Oh yeah. Lucy bit her lip, tipping her head to watch his ass flex as he walked. Uh huh. Oh. Uh huh. He was a god damn sex pistol, sexy as HELL. Okay. She had to get herself set up with him. Definitely. She winked at his equally hunky friend, giving him a saucy grin as she turned, getting her own apron.

"Get to know Lex, Pete." Clark said it quietly, looking at him in the eyes. "Lex... he's everything to me. Everything. He's my family, and I love him. You don't have to like him, or accept him. But just... give him a chance."

Pete returned the wink out of habit, but his attention was on Clark. "I c'n give him a chance. He was... sort of okay, during the whole blizzard thing." He shrugged. "Gonna be my nephew, gotta start likin' him sometime."

Clark... blinked. Stared at Pete, as his mind did the calculations, and yeah, damn. His smile, foreign and strange on his face, spread his lips and made him grin. A shake of his head, as he offered his hand. "See you in school on Monday."

Pete took it, but pulled him into a hug and squeezed him tight. "Naw, man. T'morra. Gonna plan you up a bash for the birthday, since you're workin' like a slave today."

Shit. Control. Thread. Snapped. Clark hugged him back, just as tightly, just as fiercely, holding him close as he buried his face tightly into a warm, supportive shoulder. His friend, for such a long time. Fuck, he felt so terrible, so pained, and he hugged him tightly as he swallowed, coughing and pretending to be manly as he cleared his throat, nodding. "Thanks, Pete."

"Not a problem, man. Got Dick's apartment, and the place is stocked for a fun house. Playstation, DVD player, stereo, fully stocked kitchen, throw in some DVDs, CDs, pizza, beer for the birthday boy and some friends, and we got fun in a box. Call ya in the mornin' with the time? Or you wanna show up and hang all day?" He hugged back just as hard, squeezing Clark's shoulders tight. "Not gonna do less for my main man."

"Whatever is cool, Pete. Didn't expect you to remember." Clark said softly, his eyes flickering to Lex waiting for him. "Got some stuff to take care of tonight… I'll be there. Got my cell phone number?"

"Not remember? You ain't forgot my birthday in ten damn years, you think I'm gonna forget yours after all this? Hell no." He cleared his throat. "Didn't know you got a cell."

"Me neither." A little smile. "Lex got it for me a while back. The numbers 657-2351." Clark said quietly, unaware the chic behind them was scribbling it down like mad. "Call me, we'll get shit hooked up. Get the guys together. I think... partying would be good." Clark smiled a little, nodding as he squeezed Pete's shoulder. "Gotta go, man. Lex's waiting for me."

Pete reached behind Clark and snagged the paper the chick was writing it down on. "Thanks, darlin'." He raised an eyebrow. "You, me, Shay, Whit, Chloe, Lex? Just us guys." He held the paper up and wiggled his eyebrows. "Go, go, make a PDA and tell your man that he's gonna eat pizza t'morra."

Clark smiled again, lowering his eyes and nodding as he glanced at Lex. Caught his eyes from across the enormously busy cafe, and motioned for him to come over.

Lucy gave a huff. "Okay, dude, please. Like you wouldn't do the same thing." The little black guy was really, really cute, and she cocked a brow. If big, Sexy and Hunky wasn't going to pay attention to her, she might as well hit on his equally sexy, hunky friend.

Lex was watching. He hadn't been doing anything but watching Clark since he'd come in. As soon as he saw the motion over, he rose to his feet. He hadn't been sure what Pete was up to, but as long as Clark hadn't been too agitated, he was willing to let the friends work it out.

But when he was motioned over, he slithered easily between the people in the restaurant and ended up coming up beside Clark. His arms went around Clark's waist without thinking. "Hey, Clark."

"Actually I would, been known to do th'same, but ya ain't gonna to my friend." Pete tucked the paper with Clark's cell phone number into his pocket.

Clark dropped his head and pressed his lips against Lex's, softly...than deeper, kissing him softly, his arms winding gently around his shoulders as he held him close. Easy, familiar and beautiful, and he held his lover a little closer, not knowing how much was too much but willing to find out.

God, dammit. "You know, the cute ones always are." Lucy heaved a sigh at the two men kissing and gave the black guy a depressed look before scooting off to serve mocha's.

Lex's arms went tightly around Clark's waist, pulling himself close to Clark, touching everywhere that Clark would allow him to touch. Close, close as he could be, and he would have crawled into Clark's skin if he'd thought it would help him to get closer. His mouth parted gently under Clark's, but he didn't give in. He pushed back, easily and firmly, not submitting but asserting himself as equal. "I love you," Lex murmured softly. "I love you."

Clark closed his eyes, Lex's tongue pressing right back and oh, that was good. He stroked his fingertips over Lex's bare head, his back and shoulders, and it hurt him because he couldn't feel the raw pleasure Lex got every time they kissed. It was just empty, his mind quiet as their lips touched and let go, touched and let go, delved deep...teased. He kissed him for a few more moments, closing his eyes as he set his forehead on Lex's. "I love you, Lex."

He turned his gaze to Pete, and offered his hand. "Tomorrow, Pete."

Lex knew how Clark felt, the emptiness and quiet so different from their usual sharing of pleasure and he shivered. He missed it, and instead contented himself with stroking Clark's cheek.

Pete was exceedingly proud of himself. He hadn't said anything derogatory about Luthor Junior, nor had he said anything about the PDA. He just clapped Clark's hand into a handshake, and gave a grin. "I'll holler atcha tonight bout the time."

Clark smiled a little, shaking it hard and squeezing before he reached over the counter, grabbing his book bag. "See ya, Pete."

They walked through the crowded room, maneuvering around people as best they could...and through it all, Clark didn't let go of his lover. He'd come so close today to losing the one person keeping him sane, and he was so happy he hadn't been idiot enough to let it go. So he held Lex's waist, tightly, like a man drowning, keeping him flush against his chest as they scooted around people, maneuvered out into the cold air.

Pete just watched them leave, and then shook his head, droppin' down into the booth beside Chloe. "C'lo... you got plans for tomorra? You and Whit? Cause we're throwin' Clark a party."

~ * ~

Lex wrapped his arms around Clark, squeezing tightly, stroking his back and holding on as they walked. His hands found one of Clark's at his side and laced their fingers together; there was no way in all of hell that he was letting go of his lover.

The cool air felt like soft silk against his skin after the stifling heat and press of bodies in the small cafe, and he breathed in the cool air deeply.

Clark was constantly cold these days. Replenishing his blood supply, he knew, but it didn't matter... he was cold. He was insanely grateful for his thick coat and his scarf as he snuggled into them, and into Lex. The night was beautiful, regardless of the weather, and Clark wouldn't have traded walking in it for the world.

He felt panicked, in that post panic way he sometimes had. Skittery, nervous, shaky. But he held Lex closer to him, pressing their temples together every time he could, as ice and snow crunched under foot.

"Come on. Let's get in the car and get you warm." He rubbed Clark's back with his large hands, feeling the shivering as Clark pressed into him. His arms held tightly, helped with the snuggle where he could. "I love you. I love you, so much, and I'm never going to lose you again."

"I'm sorry I screamed at you." Clark whispered, pressing their shoulders together as they walked. He breathed the cold air in deeply, sighing softly as he linked their palms closer together. "I'm sorry I was so horrible. I'm sorry you had to go away."

"I'm sorry I didn't believe in you, in us. I'm sorry... I'm sorry I tried to protect you. I'm sorry I didn't trust in you enough to let you help me." He rubbed his cheek against Clark's. "I won't again. It's done, Clark. It's in the past. We won't let this happen again, ever again." He squeezed their fingers together tighter. "Ever."

"We learned, huh?" Though Clark gave him a shaky smile, his eyes closing as he held Lex closer, pressing the sides of their faces close. "I miss you. Its lonely, in here. How did I live without you in here with me is...." Unspeakable, unthinkable. "Hard to think of."

"I know." Lex pressed tighter, as though trying to find the closeness they'd lost somehow without their link. "It feels so... barren inside. Empty and cold. But I know you're there, I just can't reach you and it's frustrating. Because I don't know how to start us again." He stopped in the middle of the street and kissed his lover gently.

Here, in the lamplight, with the happy voices of couples and families enjoying the last few weeks of the cold before summer and its heat set in, Clark felt safe. His tongue matched Lex's, mouth, lips, pressing close and giving everything he was. It was all they had, this touching of lips and bodies and hands and faces, that helped the emptiness just a little. Lex knew what he had to do, just like Clark did, but he didn't say anything. He wasn't ready for it, and wanted it to badly at the same time. Needed it. it would come to his lover, because he was like Clark now. His blood would tell him.

Lex's hands and body pressed tightly to Clark's, fingertips stroking over his cheeks and throat as they kissed. He wanted to feel Clark again, back in his head, back in his body, but he wasn't sure how. Or if he could yet, no matter how much he wanted it. Instead he left his body in Clark's hands, pressed tightly and held preciously in return.

Clark's palms gently held Lex's lower back close to him, holding him gently against his body. His beautiful lover, his beautiful mate. It was okay, everything....they'd hit the bottom of the barrel, and that bottom had nearly fallen out underneath them. But they were strong, and they had survived the impossible. And for it, because of it, Clark thanked God for it, as he tipped his head to the gently touches on his neck and throat, his face.

Lex moved his mouth down, scraping his teeth lightly over the pulse that thrummed strongly in Clark's throat. He sucked the throbbing beat gently, then nipped it carefully before putting his head back against Clark's shoulder. His hand rested on Clark's chest, stroking the soft sweater and the skin underneath it.

A quiet, soft groan flitted across the cold winter air, and suddenly, Clark felt the thick, warm feeling of hardly being able to breath he always got when he was with Lex. The scrape of teeth had done it, and he felt immense guilt a moment afterwards, setting his cheek on Lex's bare head and holding him close as he kissed his skin softly.

"What is it?" Lex asked softly, having felt the hitch of breath in Clark's chest. He stroked slowly, soothingly, kissing the underside of Clark's chin as they walked together.

What Lex's blood wasn't telling him Clark's was, screaming for him to claim him again. But he just… he couldn't. He felt numbing guilt for taking what he wanted in face of his poor, beautiful child, who would never take what he wanted, and he swallowed, pressing closer to Lex's mouth as he shivered. "Nothing."

"Tell me, please?" Lex's voice was unsure of itself, for once. "I don't... I can't feel you anymore. I don't know what you're thinking, don't shut me out," he pled softly. "I'm just... I feel lost."

Clark swallowed, hard, shifting against his lover as they walked towards the Ferrari parked on the side of the street, nestled in close and waiting for them. "I feel guilty. For... for feeling... for w..." For wanting to have you back in my life. "I don't... the baby never got anything. I feel... like I'm taking away from him, like I'm lessening his memory."

Lex shook his head. "No. Don't ever think that. Clark... our son is right. He told me that we can't stop living. We can't stop feeling for each other. We just... can't." He hugged tightly, clinging almost. "We take away from him when we don't live. You were right all along; I just didn't believe it. But we can't die with him."

"It feels wrong to want you." Clark confessed, quietly. His lower lip was swollen from kissing, his eyes rimmed with a hot red, his eyes filled with tears as he rose his head, shaking bangs out of his eyes and trying not to cry. "It feels wrong, because he was our son and he never got to feel things like this."

Lex pulled Clark against him, leaning against the Ferrari and rubbing the tears out of Clark's eyes. "No, it's not wrong. But come on. Let's go home. You can talk to him. You'll see." He kissed Clark's cheeks, tasting the faintest trail of tears on them. "But don't feel guilty. Don't feel bad. Because if you do, you'll always feel that way about wanting to be with me. And it's not healthy."

"I know." He whispered, leaning into Lex's touch gently. He knew he was welcome, but he was just nervous, scared, wantful. His blood screamed, his heart slammed around high in his chest, and his belly, both of them, flopped about with led inside of them. "I dont want to have any more, for a while."

"Any more what, baby?"

"No more children." Clark whispered, looking at him in guilt, and an almost horror. "Not yet. Is it horrible? T… to say it?"

"No." Lex shook his head firmly. "Because I feel the same way. Even Jor-El said, we're not ready. I agree with him. I want children, Clark. If I've learned anything, I've learned that. But not for several years, two or three years down the line. Not until we're more secure in who we are and in our relationship with each other."

"Lex?"

"Yeah, Clark?"

"A year ago, today, we were sitting here, in the Talon." Clark motioned behind them, at the hubbub and life around the small cafe. "You had remembered, my birthday. You gave me a book... you remember?"

Lex nodded. "I remember." He snuggled Clark in closer to him, not saying anything else because he was afraid to disrupt Clark's thought process.

"A book. John Donne's poems. You told me that it would expand my horizons… and I did. I took that book home, and I sat on my red couch, and I read the whole thing, cover to cover. I was so in love with you, so overwhelmed by who you were. You were like a prince, that had come into my life suddenly and swept me off my feet. And I thought...if I read that book, their would be some hidden message. And oh, God, there was." Clark smiled then, softly. Every poem was about love, some of it about unrest, or wanting. But it was beautiful...it was you. And I didn't understand most of it, so I wrote down what I didn't and researched it. All of it." He brought his book bag off his shoulder, and went into one of the side pockets. The book, leather bound but used now, the pages carefully taped inside, the covers scratched and seemingly old, even if the book was only as year old. It was covered with yellow tabs, pages stuck in it, and when Clark opened it, there were notes scrawled all along the edges. "It was the best book anyone ever gave me. Lana can tell you...me and poetry aren't really great pals. But this... Donne did it for me. Still when, to where thou wert, I came, Some lovely glorious nothing I did see, but since my soul, whose child love is. Takes limbs of flesh, and else could nothing do, more subtle than the parent is. Love must not be, but take a body too, and therefore what thou wert, and who I bid love ask, and now that it assume thy body, I allow, And fix itself in thy lip, eye, and brow." Clark quoted softly, on his favorite page, dog eared, highlighted, and scrawled in the margins. "Its you, and me, and Mar-El."

Lex gave a small smile. "Yes, it is. Though I didn't know that at the time. I just thought that you'd appreciate the words and the flow; Donne was a very religious man, which I never was, but his sonnets and his poems deal with every situation under the sun, even love." He took the book carefully from Clark, and turned the pages. Holy Sonnet XIV. "Take me to you, imprison me; for I, except you enthrall me, never shall be free, nor ever chaste, except you ravish me."

"Oh, yes." Clark lit up, nodding. Lex... didn't think he was a dork. It was amazing, but he let Lex have the book, so he could see. "Ever since that day last year, I've loved you. I've waited for you. And I never, in a million years, thought we would be here a year later. I thought I'd still be pining after you...never getting enough nerve to tell you how I felt." Clark said softly, looking up. "Now...now, I can. You've held my hand through this, Lex. You've accepted that I've hurt you, even without meaning to. You understand how much I care for you, and how deeply I love you. You're okay with me. And that... that is wh... why, why I am going to marry you." The last part said softly, shyly, looking at the ground between them. "Why I want you to be my husband, if you will have me. I want... to make things better."

"Oh, yes, Clark." He brought Clark's chin up with his fingertips, so that their eyes met. "I still want you to be my husband. There's never a doubt that I want to be with you, Clark. Never doubt it." He stroked Clark's cheek again. "You have done the same things for me, Clark. Accepted that I've hurt you, forgiven me when I have done things, helped me see the right things and the right way to live."

"I'm sorry I fell." Clark whispered, holding Lex gently to him, his palms on the small of his lovers back as he held him close, there, stopped in the middle of the street. "Im sorry you fell with me. But....we can get back up. Will you get back up with me?"

"Yes," Lex answered instantly. "I will. I'll get back up with you, help you up too and we won't fall again. Or if we do, we fall together. And we'll get back up together again."

"Okay." Thank God for his lover. Thank God for his man. Clark held him gently close, pressing his forehead to Lex's before giving a shiver and letting go. "Lex, lets go home."

"Home. Where we belong." He opened the door and held it open for his lover to slide behind the wheel.

He lifted a leg and slipped into the car, sitting back as he looked up at Lex's soft, lovely face. "Where we belong."

~ * ~ * ~

The windows had been rolled down all the way home, and Lex had almost wanted to hang his head out the window and scream to the world that he was back with his aushna'.

Instead, he'd sat sedately in the passenger seat, staring almost dreamily at his beloved, and now, they were home. Lex was out of the car and around to the driver's side before they were almost parked, and he was holding the door open for Clark again, smiling broadly. "Come on in. I'll even make us dinner. Anything you want."

Clark looked up at him, smiling just a little as he grabbed his book bag and turned off the car. He slipped out, stretching softly to warm sore muscles. Felt good... felt so good to be sore and well worked. Almost like he was completing something, and he was damn proud of the outcome.

He offered his hand to his lover, as the sun sat low and orange in the sky, pressing their palms together as they linked fingers. "I'm not really hungry. Anything you want to eat is fine by me."

Lex took the hand offered to him, and twined their fingers together. He noticed the stretching, and grinned. "Want me to rub you down?"

Clark flinched, though not because of anything negative, looking at him with shock. "What?"

"Do you want me to give you a massage?" Lex repeated clearly. "I do know how, and considering this is probably the only time you've ever worked for a full day after a fairly large bodily trauma like giving birth, I thought you might like a back rub."

Oh. He wasn't quite sure how to react anymore to a fairly pleasurable situation being posed to him, but his fingers squeezed, hard, and he nodded, swallowing. "Pl... please. Yes. I... yes." Another nod, grabbing his back pack tighter to him so his books wouldn't fall out of the busted zipper.

"Good. After the massage, I want you in the tub and soaking in warm water, all right?" He pulled Clark behind him. "And after that... I'll give you your presents."

"I don't want anything." Clark said softly. His own blood was humming with each possessive, dominant movement Lex made, and his throat grew dry with anticipation. Close, it was close, and he wouldn't be alone anymore. He swallowed against the dry heat, speaking quietly as he followed his lover. "We have to see Mar-El."

"We will." Lex was firm on it. "He promised. He said he wouldn't be able to come back after sunset, but he will be here to say goodbye." He tugged Clark into the house, and put his book bag down.

THE CLARK AND THE LEX!!! Samson barreled around the corner, barking in his little voice and skidding on the linoleum. "BAWR!!! BARKBARKBARKBARK BAWWRRRRR!!!!!"

Clark followed, making sure his book bag was closed so his things wouldn't fall out, and he slipped the pens in his pockets back into his bag. He... OH!

Clark let out a sound of pleasure and joy, turning to see his little baby... all three little babies, running towards them like a bat out of hell. He sank to his knees, offering his arms to them as they came running, and grinned like a true idiot as he got an armful of fur.

WOOOOOOO! YES!!!!!!!! Cleo leapt and tumbled over Artie, head over heels, thudding on her rump before climbing right back up and running. Her ears flopped everywhere, the pink ribbon around her tail came undone, but who CARED? The THEM were HOME! EEEEEEEEEEEE! "Arrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooo!" She howled, head butting the Lex's leg. Come DOWN here and HUG me!!!! OH! AND THE CLARK! Sammy had shown her who they were and YEAH! They were the people who took care of the puppies!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!

Artie plodded along behind Sammy, plopped onto his belly when Cleo whumped over him, and then scooted along behind them and plowed into Sammy's butt as he wiggled up to the Clark's face. His tongue lolled out and licked the Clark's nose.

HAPPY!!! Samson smelled happy!!! WHEEE!!! He whoofed again, scrambling up and stepping on Cleo's head as he crawled up to Clark's face and licked.

"Hello, Cleo, I'm happy to see you too." He sat down on the floor beside Clark, petting and stroking her head as she wiggled. "Hey, babies."

Yeah. Cleopatra had this thing. This thing, for the Lex. He smelled nice, and he gave her belly rubs, and he was the LUFF of her LIFE! Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. Most defin'ely. She barked and crawled into his lap, high, so she could lick all over the Clarks ear, cheek, and jaw, and then plop happily on the Lex's lap.

"I think she's got a crush on you." Clark said, smiling as he hugged the puppies close, scratching and rubbing the both of them. There was no welcome home better than little creatures who loved you, limitlessly, effortlessly, and without discrimination. Who loved you just because they could. And for it, Clark snuggled them all the more.

"I think she does too." But Lex didn't argue, instead scooping up Cleo in his arms and rubbing her tummy. "Your pretty little ribbon is gone, young lady. Don't worry. We'll get you a pretty pink collar. Cleopatra Kent-Luthor. Little tag shaped like a fire hydrant." He kept scritching her tummy happily.

Artie was happy. The Big People were happy. The Clark and The Lex were happy. The Sammy and the Cleo were happy. That meant Artie was happy. He heaved a huge puppy sigh and flopped his head on Clark's elbow.

Calm? Not hardly. Samson still wiggled as Clark cuddled them, wiggling his butt and his paws as he licked and squirmed and licked some more and oh! Hugs! His FAVRORITE!!!! He whined and chewed on Clark's nose happily.

Clark smiled, softly, hugging them close. They hadn't been this hyper since they'd brought them home... and Artie and Cleo were fattening right up. "We have to get them registered with the vet, too, Lex." Clark said softly, rubbing Samsons back and head as he lifted Artie into his arms, hugging him close to his chest. He moved out of Sammy's teeth and offered his thumb instead, gazing at his lover. "Lets go get flowers... and go see him."

Chin, thumb, who cared. Samson gnawed on the extremity that was offered to him. He was happy. His people were happy.

Artie wiggled and kicked his foot out happily as the Clark snuggled him. Oh yeah. This was the life. No more Cold Wet Thing. Lots of food. Lots of warm. Yeah. He was a happy Artie.

Lex nodded. "I'm sure there's at least one vet in Smallville, and if not, I'm sure there are vets in Metropolis. We can chopper the puppies to the vet first thing next week." He stroked Cleo's head with his cheek. "Yeah. Let's go to the garden. Pick what we need."

And Cleo? Cleo was in heaven. She snuggled right up to the Lex, heaving happy puppy sighs. She could just snuggle in and sleep right HERE. Oh, yes. The Lex and the Clark were yappering on but she didn't care. Couldn't understand a word, anyway. She squirmed out of the Lex's hands, crouching low... POUNCING!

Thud.

She fell against the carpet, rolled head over heels again, and plopped on her butt. Okay. So. She hadn't mastered THAT down.

Oh! But the Clark, he was laughing!

Clark laughed for the first time since his son had died. He watched Cleo do her little acrobatic stunt and just cracked up, laughing all the harder when she blinkblinkblinked at them in surprise.

YES!!!!!! LAUGH! HAPPY!! Happy Clark!! Happy Samson! Happy Cleo!! Samson bounded down, jumping on Cleo and biting her ear. Happy people made him wiggly!!!!!

Lex leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Clark's temple, holding him close to his shoulder. I promise you, puppies. I'll never complain about dog hair, anywhere else, ever again. He blinked away the sudden tears that came to his eyes as Clark laughed, and smiled into his beloved's hair.

Clark was still laughing, watching Cleo blinking like nothing had happened, and held Artie close as the Samson bit at her, playing with her. He let Lex pull him close, grinning at the two of them as he held his lover close.

And even though they didn't have their link... Clark felt immeasurable love.

Cleo snorted, loudly, biting Samson back as she got up. Tossed her ears off so she could walk and lifted her butt and nose, huffing at the Sammy. Dumb head. Biting on her. Huff.

And she let out a "ARF!". bounding over him and sending them into her favoritest game of all, the PUPPY PILE! She yipped for Artie, pretending to growl at Samson as she rolled over him.

Lex rested his cheek against Clark's head as they watched the puppies rolling around in the floor. "They're so adorable. Just like you." Another kiss to Clark's temple.

ooohoho no she did not. Samson shook his floppy ears, growled playfully back at Cleo, and jumped on her, chewing on her paw as both of them toppled into Artie.

Artie opened one eye and bit at the ear closest to him. Nobody disturbed an Artie-nap, not even a puppy pile.

His blood gave a low, warning hum. And this time, because they were so close, Clark could feel Lex feel it, too. They were watching the puppies, and Clark was gut deep in guilt, but oh. He bit his lip, watching the tiny puppies playing, and finally rose to his feet, offering Lex his arms. "Come on." Something's going to happen, and we need to see Mar-El before it does. "Come on, too, babies. Lets go outside."

Cleo let go of Sammy, arfing and bounding up to run around Lex's feet. Yeah! YEAH! They were gonna go somewhere! WOOOO!

Lex felt it. He stood up with Clark, snuggling into the offered arms. "Cleopatra Kent, I'm going to step on you," he said quietly, reaching down to scoop her up.

Samson barked at Clark's backpack, then dove in. He was a smart puppy. "Outside" meant yellow stuff!! He finally got hold of the yellow scarf with his teeth, and tugged.

It didn't budge, and he went butt over head, and then shook his ears out and growled at the baggy thing.

Clark chuckled softly, crouching down to get Samson out of his back pack, as well as his scarf, hat, and mittens. He put them on in short order, and went back in for the brand new ones Ms. Bird had finished for him yesterday, holding up a pink set and a green. He handed Lex the pink and took the green, fitting the tiny hat over Artie's head, scarf gently around his neck, and mittens tied on tiny paws.

Hello. Cleo snuffled at the very bright Pink Things, licking at one and looking at it quizzically. And that was... what?

Lex just giggled. "Come here, Cleo." He put the little hat on her and flicked the little pink pompom as he wrapped the scarf around her neck. The mittens were next, and he grinned as he watched Cleo chewing and licking at the pretty little mittens over her paws.

Artie looked up at Clark as the mittens were fitted over his paws and the hat settled on his head. He chewed the scarf ends for a long minute, then let go as he moved to gnaw on the Things over his feet.

Odd. Very, very odd. But even odder still, it was toasty. And since Cleo really didn't MIND being toasty, she arfed in happiness and skid slipped over to Artie, blinking at him. Huh. he had one on HIS head too, and so did Sammy! Weird. Just...weird. But she barked her joy, happily scooting in between her bruders, and bit two ears and a cheek.

Clark heaved a soft, shaky breath, motioning to his puppies as he reached out, sliding his fingers through Lex's. The last time he would see his son, and his eyes filled with tears, his throat tightening hot as he bit his lip and held Lex's hand firmly.

Lex's fingers twined tightly through Clark's, and he rubbed his shoulder against his lover's. "It's okay, Clark. He'll always, always be inside us." He watched the puppies, their squirming on top of each other making him smile.

TOP OF THE PILE! Sammy wiggled to the top of the pile. He rocked. He was the best puppy. He was half sitting on Artie and pushing down on Cleo with a paw cause he was the bestest.

Yeah. Right. Cleo bit him in the rump, arfing and pushing him off, pouncing, thudding on the hardwood again as she followed the Clark and the Lex, butt and nose in the air, her little pink fuzzy pom-poms bopping on her head as she walked with great importance.

Clark nodded, bringing their hands up to his lips softly. "I'm so sorry for today, Lex."

"I'm sorry too." He kissed their fingers too, while they were still pressed to Clark's lips. "I'm sorry for everything I did; I'm sorry that I was the one who broke our link. For that, I'll never be able to be sorry enough." He walked with Clark gently, leading out to the garden where the winter flowers bloomed, seeded by his mother and carefully maintained by Lex and his staff of gardeners. "Let's go see our son."

Clark smiled, softly, as the puppies ran out into the cold grass and air, and yipped their joy at being out of doors. He watched them run around, holding Lex's palm close to himself as he took strength from those hard, strong bones. He felt safe, safer then he had in a long time, and he swallowed softly as he slipped an arm around Lex's waist. "He needs roses, Lex."

"Yes, he does. Not red, and not white. Yellow. Yellow roses, for the sunshine he brought to our lives." He snuggled himself into the arm around his waist, and nodded. "There's yellow rosebushes around the corner; we baby them so they bloom this time of year, even after the snow. Eventually the garden will be glassed in like a greenhouse."

Clark didn't speak, just nodding as he whistled, and made the puppies follow them. Yellow roses, for his son. His beautiful son, who had visited them and brought them up out of despair. His son, who had he not been there for them, he and Lex would be done with. But now, now, Clark felt something he hadn't felt in a while.

Faith for his lover.

Lex had come back. It was all he could think of, as he gazed over the roses. Lex had come back for him, had asked for him back. Lex had come back.

Clark squeezed him, hard, holding him closer as their free hands clasped.

Lex wrapped his arms around Clark and pulled him into the garden, over to the largest, thickest yellow rose bush. "This was the last bush my mother planted," Lex confided. "Nobody but me works with it, and I haven't trimmed it in a while... you can tell." He stroked one of the fragile yellow blossoms, then reached into the bush and snapped off the stem. "Watch the thorns."

He picked the ones he wanted. Most of them were tiny buds, not yet ready to blossom, except for one, which he plucked fully open and bloomed. Its petals were large, thick, and lovely, the smell of it ripening the air as he added them to the ones he'd chosen. They scratched his hands but he didn't mind, carefully reaching down to finish untying the ribbon around Cleo's tail. "I'm sure you won't mind." He murmured to the puppy, as he rose and offered the roses, and the silky piece of ribbon, to Lex.

Lex took the ribbon and wrapped it around the fragile stems, then brushed his thumb over the scratches on Clark's hand. "You hurt yourself," he said quietly, tying the ribbon in a small bow and taking the thorny stems from his lover.

"Sometimes the best things in life hurt you, a little." Clark replied softly, thumbing the gentle petals, cold and wet but in full bloom, and took his lovers palm again.

Lex smiled softly at that, and looked up at the small hill where their son rested. "And it's worth it, in the end, the pain. If you end up where you're supposed to be."

"Especially if you end up where you're supposed to be. And you don't forget what it was that brought you there." Came the gentle reply, as Clark gently began to walk up the small hill. He remembered it from only a few short days ago, and the long, hot scar on his back gave a quiver. "The last time we came up there, I wasn't sure we'd make it. Now... I'm positive we will." Clark whispered, as if it were a secret only for his lover.

"I don't think we're ever going to forget, Clark." He put his hand on Clark's shoulder. "I wasn't sure either; I thought that I was still going to lose you, just like we lost him. But I didn't; despite everything, I never lost you. Or if I did, I got you back." He looked towards the hilltop, remembering clearly and sharply how it had felt to cover the infant face with dirt. Now, only a few days later, there was barely a mark in the soil, and greenery already struggled to take the small bare patch back over.

"I think we lost each other for a while, there." Clark replied, murmuring quietly as the puppies bounded in playful joy ahead of them. "But that's why I chose you, as my aushna'. Because no matter what... you came back to me. Even when our link is gone... you came back. And I love you, Lex."

"I'll always come back to you, Clark. You bring me to you; like a flame draws a moth. Only you don't destroy me; I don't bat my wings against you and you don't burn me. You make me stronger, make me who I am inside." He watched the little dogs playing, then watched his lover. "I love you. You are my aushna', my everything."

The beautiful words touched Clarks heart, deeply, and he gathered them close as he brought his face close to Lex's, gently touching their temples together. "Thank you. Lex, thank you. I'll do my best by you, honor you, give you everything your heart desires. I love you. You're mine, and no one will ever take you away from me." He whispered.

They rose over the top of the hill, and Clark saw a strange man sitting at the base of the tree underneath his sons grave. His heart exploded with fierce indignation, his temper snarling in its chains to break free... until Clark realized, it was his son. A much older version, in his forties, with dark, gleaming auburn hair, freckles, and laughing, pleased eyes.

Lex's grip tightened on Clark's biceps as he saw the stranger at the grave, but realization sunk in almost as soon as it did with Clark. He squeezed tightly again and then let go, calling out to him. "Richard?"

The older man smiled, waving a hand. He looked startlingly like Lionel, with a full, rich beard and beautiful bone structure. His eyes were the only difference... a deep blue green, and he offered a seat next to the very tiny grave as the sun, throwing thousands of shades of orange, purple, pink, red and yellow out over the sky, illuminated the little spot, with the enormous lake that sat on Luthor property a lovely backdrop. "Hi, dad. Hi, pops."

Clark swallowed, hard, as all three puppies immediately dropped and snuggled next to his son. It was almost as if they knew, and Clark just trembled, squeezing Lex's hand hard as he slipped down. "Hi, baby."

"Hey, Richie." Lex pulled Clark up the hill. "You're... looking a lot like your grandfather Lionel." He kept tugging until Clark was seated beside Richard, and Lex beside Clark.

Happy. The happiest person ever that smelled like the Lex and the Clark together but also like outside stuff, and Samson just snuggled.

Richard smiled, very softly, and took Clarks hand, reaching for Lex's as well as they sat in a half circle. "I knew the both of you would work it through. You both have good, strong, stubborn genes in you, after all." He laughed softly, like the cheerful older man he was, sighing at the puppies who lay in his lap like great louts. "I'm so thrilled you're both here."

Clark just smiled, though it was a trembling one, and he let go of Lex's hand to clasp the ones Richard held him with tightly. He didn't know what to say, just holding his hand closely, and feeling every one of his seventeen years as he watched him.

"You were right. We did. We just needed to talk." Lex slid one hand into Richard's, the other around Clark's waist. "I'm glad you came to see us. We needed you."

"I needed to tell you both something." Richard murmured, shifting in his slacks and sweater. He let go of both their hands, and instead lay it on the dirt of the fresh grave, gazing at the both of them. "The child buried here is just the husk of your son. It was his body, Dad. Pops. Me, my soul, my essence, lives inside of each of you. And I'll be waiting for you, when its finally time for you both to cross over." He let go of the dirt, laughing softly. "I can see many children in your future."

Lex dug his fingers into the dirt for a long moment. "We agreed it won't be soon. We both need more time, to grow up and grow into each other." He leaned over, wrapped dirty fingers around Clark's. "We need to get comfortable with who we are before we bring children into the world with us."

"Of course you do. But once you both know its time..." Richard smiled again, setting his head on his palm. "Pops wants a big family. Don't let me get in the way of my brothers and sisters."

Clark let out a little trembling smile, nodding softly as he looked at Lex shyly. But he was quiet, swallowing softly.

"I've got to go." Richard said quietly, pushing some of the long locks of hair from his eyes as he pat his pockets. "I had a list. Dammit, I wrote a list." He pat his shirt pockets, his pants... and aha'd, pulling out a little page torn out from what appeared to be a notebook, with perfect little scrawls on it. "Here we go. Forgetful, you know. Lets see. Okay," He looked up. "Dad, keep your head out of your ass. You'll go far." He turned to Clark. "Pops. The world will be just fine without you saving everyone. You have to let God do something, after all. And remember, red and blue may seem like that look great together, but there's major clashage. Think maypole." Back to Lex. "Your brain, and its lack of using normal everyday machinery, will come in handy someday. Don't freak out. Theirs something big coming for him, and you've just got to embrace it and go with the flow. Pack a parka." To Clark, again. "Even if he says no? He means yes." To Lex. "And you should always tell him, instead of playing hard to get."

Lex gave a chuckle. "I agree with the red and blue clashing." His eyebrows elevated, though, at the parka comment. "Pack a parka? Richard? You're just like your grandfather, you know. Dropping your bombshells and leaving confusion in your wake... good man." He Swallowed hard at the last admonition. "I learned. The hard way. No more playing hard to get." His eyes silvered then. "I wish you didn't have to go."

"Me too. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to stay here, and be the son you lost." Richard said quietly, as he stuffed his list back in his pocket. "But things weren't meant to be. Dad... Pops. You both are amazing, kind, wonderful men with hearts of gold. You'll go far on this earth. In fact, you have no idea how much you'll bring to civilization as we know it. Just remember one thing... work and family are two different things. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Your sha'nauch are truly the best people in your life. Embrace them. They'll be here for a good long while. Dad....Grampa Lionel? I'm breaking like, fifteen rules by telling you this, but have him see a doctor soon. There's something in his kidney that needs to get taken care of before it gets worse. You may have to put Grampa Dominic in a straight jacket, of course..." Richard squeezed both their palms. "I love you both, as deeply as one can to his parents. I thank you. You think that I gave you this day...but in fact, you gave it to me. I got to live a life I never had. Thank you."

Lex's throat closed. He wasn't going to cry, and instead, he wrapped his arms tightly around Richard's neck. "You know we'd give you more days if we could; tell us what we have to do and we'll do it." But he knew, even as he said it, that it wouldn't happen again. This was once in a lifetime. "I love you, Richard Mar-El."

"I love you, dad." Richard said softly, even as he smiled and hugged his father close. "I love you, so much. I was so happy to meet you both… to love you. You're wonderful people." Richard pulled his mute, crying pop into his arms too, hugging them both tightly.

Clark was silent. He couldn't speak, just hugging his son, as the sun set and he could already feel him leaving. "Mar-El. My son, Mar-El. I love you." Clark croaked, hugging him harder.

"You're a wonderful, wonderful son," Lex rasped out through a throat tight with the tears sliding down his cheeks. He wrapped his arms tightly around his family, one around his aushna' and one around his son, squeezing tightly and trying to hold on for just a minute longer.

And then he did something he knew he had to do.

He let Richard go.

Clark did, too, though he was smiling at his son. Joy. Pure, simple joy, that he knew his son was filling his heart with as he gazed at him. A parting gift from him, as he cried and laughed in pleasure at the same time, squeezing both his aushna's hand and Richards at the same time.

And as his dad let go, Richard grinned, broadly, squeezing his hand softly as he looked at both of their faces. He filled both of them with as much joy as he could, so years later when they looked back at this, they'd smile. And he grinned, squeezing their hands as his face flickered. From infant, to toddler, to child, teenager, young man, and the man that sat before them now

He spoke, his voice full of amusement.. "See? There are the strong men I know."

And with the next breeze he was gone, his soft, lovely chuckle on the wind.

-fin-

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